…you notice a guy in your office who is wearing a white shirt with sky blue polka dots on it. A FORMAL SHIRT WITH POLKA DOTS!!!

…you wake up in the middle of the night and find two of your best friends(a boy and a girl of course) kissing. They are sitting next to you in a bus while returning from a school trip and have vehemently denied any sort of a relationship.

…your project leader sends a mail to the whole team without doing a spell check re-reading(*thanks Poonam*) and has misspelled list as lust.

…your project manager sends a “Happy Birthday” mail to you by copy pasting it from the sent items list in his mailbox and forgets to change the name of the earlier recipient. So you get a mail with a “Happy Birthday Vishnu” written in bold instead of “Happy birthday Amit”.

…one of your female friend tells you that a friend of her had a misconception that the male reproductive organ is 1 foot long and is coiled.

…your mother throws a brick at your neighbour’s house because she wants him to stop singing at the top of his voice on a loudspeaker, because your final board exams are going on and because she is cooking food and does not have time to go and talk to him!!!

…you spot an employee of your company sitting in the discussion room and reading Hanuman Chalisa.

…one of your friend at the office comes to you and tells you that she got engaged in the weekend. She was told about the engagement by her family on Friday and the ceremony took place on Saturday. She saw the guy for the first time during the engagement.

…after being verbally battered and bruised with Physics theory questions by two panels for P.hD entrance in JNU and after loosing all hopes of even being considered for a selection, you are selected.

…your grandma tells you that her father was a very rich man and had just finalised a huge land deal in Delhi for a big bungalow just before he died.

…your grandma(again!!!) tells you that she was offered movies when she was young but it was considered inappropriate in that era for girls to act in movies, so her father refused. You feel like going and yelling at your grandma’s dad that if he would have not interfered with his daughter’s destiny, you would have been launched by now and would have won a handful of awards and would have done some movies with Kareena.

…your cousin drops her towel(followed by a scream and slamming of the door) when she is dancing to “Mere khwaboon main jo aaye” as she moved from the bathroom to her room.

…you come to know that one of your roommate whom you considered to be worthless and irritating and someone a girl will never touch with a barge pole, has a girlfriend.

…your classmate in class eight comes one fine morning in the classroom and declares that he had lost his virginity last night and continues to tell his tale after the gasps had died down.

…and finally, when your parents declare that they are not going to search for any girls to marry you because a moron(read astrologer) have told them that their son is going to fall in love soon.

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016.
Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping.
He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

51 Comments

  1. Sachin May 26, 2008 at 11:34 am - Reply

    gosh, cool lust i say πŸ˜‰

    LOL………

  2. Sas May 26, 2008 at 11:58 am - Reply

    Well well well does rekindle some memories… πŸ˜€

  3. Reema May 26, 2008 at 12:03 pm - Reply

    “”one of your female friend tells you that a friend of her had a misconception that the male reproductive organ is 1 foot long and is coiled.”” Lolz.. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ one of my sister’s friend (a medical student then) had asked “do we need to take off clothes for doing it??”

    A jaw dropping incident of my life…when u walk into staff room to find a colleague having a French kiss session with his married pregnant ex-gf in college hours with door open!!

  4. Sudarshan May 26, 2008 at 12:57 pm - Reply

    :jaw dropped: πŸ˜€

  5. Sudarshan May 26, 2008 at 1:00 pm - Reply

    Ohh and about the last one, I pray it happens to me soon πŸ˜›

  6. Poonam Sharma May 26, 2008 at 1:16 pm - Reply

    I would like to know how many of these you made up and how many of these actually happened. πŸ™‚

  7. Srinivas Rao Alapati May 26, 2008 at 1:17 pm - Reply

    This is very Nice Amith and some of the things actually happened in near past….really enjoyable….

    Carry on… without any hurdles…

  8. Xylene May 26, 2008 at 1:45 pm - Reply

    how many of these did actually happen?
    lol !!!

  9. chubby May 26, 2008 at 1:50 pm - Reply

    ahahahaha…

  10. Nita May 26, 2008 at 2:10 pm - Reply

    funny list. well this is what makes life fun isn’t it! just try making the opposite kind of list…you know like boy and girl were caught kissing but admitted they were in a relationship! How boring! πŸ™‚

  11. Liju Philip May 26, 2008 at 2:58 pm - Reply

    did all these happen to you? Btw, i liked this one

    …one of your female friend tells you that a friend of her had a misconception that the male reproductive organ is 1 foot long and is coiled.

    i wonder which rock she was under all these years. no wonder she never wanted to get married worried about the length πŸ˜‰

  12. Nikhil May 26, 2008 at 3:09 pm - Reply

    hahahaa!!
    Dude, you’re too funny! πŸ˜€
    My jaw dropped alright! πŸ˜€

  13. Ankur Aggarwal May 26, 2008 at 3:12 pm - Reply

    wow a nice collection of jaw drops….
    i wonder how many hours did you put in to compile this post.

    #She saw the guy for the first time during the engagement.#
    my european friends also once expressed their amazement about Indians.. they do all the bachelor things like going to strip clubs, ogle etc. and then one fine day they take a 4 week holiday and return married.
    to add to the fun, the bride is usually back home (because of visa issues) and yet 3 months hence the guy declares that they are expecting a baby

  14. allirekha May 26, 2008 at 3:19 pm - Reply

    hahahahaha !!!

    did any of these happen actually πŸ˜›

  15. Priya May 26, 2008 at 4:10 pm - Reply

    Guy in a Polka Dots shirt that too in the Office !! Buhahaha !! πŸ˜€

    ~

    “…your project manager sends a β€œHappy Birthday” mail to you by copy pasting it from the sent items list in his mailbox and forgets to change the name of the earlier recipient. So you get a mail with a β€œHappy Birthday Vishnu” written in bold instead of β€œHappy birthday Amit”. ”

    I’ve seen things like people getting back the same stuff which they’d given their friends a few months/years back !! πŸ˜›

    ~

    “…your cousin drops her towel(followed by a scream and slamming of the door) when she is dancing to β€œMere khwaboon main jo aaye” as she moved from the bathroom to her room.”

    Hehehe…what happened next ?

    ~

    Awesome “Jaw dropping” list !! πŸ˜€

  16. Rajneesh May 26, 2008 at 4:52 pm - Reply

    i can feel who is the base of all these jaw dropping lists. .. some of the things i already knew i guess.. but they are still jaw dropping..

    hahahahahaa…..

  17. Poonam Sharma May 26, 2008 at 5:09 pm - Reply

    @Liju: Why I am not surprised that you found that particular tid bit so funny? πŸ˜›

  18. Poonam Sharma May 26, 2008 at 5:11 pm - Reply

    @Amit: And yes, spell check would never catch ‘lust’ as mistake. πŸ™‚

  19. sulz May 26, 2008 at 6:03 pm - Reply

    this post gave me some inner lols. πŸ˜€

  20. Amit May 26, 2008 at 8:01 pm - Reply

    @Everyone : All these are real life incidences from my life. I have not cooked any of these. Lets us all give GOD some credit for making my life so *Spicy* :mrgreen: I can remember many more such incidences, but I don’t want to get murdered by writing about them.
    @Sachin : Thanks very much.
    @Sas : Yup, all coiled memories. πŸ˜‰
    @Reema : Yieks!!! That was gross. πŸ˜† You actually saw that??
    @Sudarshan : It better happen soon with me otherwise I am going to kick that astrologer’s ass off. And why this name change?? I liked Suda. πŸ™
    @Poonam : Everything is true blue, every last alphabet of the post. Seriously, do you really think someone can cook something so interesting?? It has to be real life. And thanks for that “lust” correction. And why were you not surprised? Please enlighten us…
    @Srini : Thanks Srini. Yes I would.
    @Xylene : AAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL of them. Please please believe me. *Starts crying and bangs his head on the wall* :mrgreen:
    @Chubby :
    @Nita : Yes, very true. Believe me, I have so many other incidences but can’t write them because of the fear of being killed by the people involved.
    @Liju Philip : All the incidences are true. And yes, she would have been really terrified. Poor girl, but what a sigh of relief she would have exhaled after “taking in” the truth. πŸ˜‰
    @Nikhil : Oh!!! Thank God. I was worried. :mrgreen:
    @Ankur : It took me just about an hour or so. I just had to rewind my life a little bit. πŸ™‚ After been in South India, I have seen this trend that the girls agree so readily to marry a guy without even meeting him once. Something very surprising but true.
    And yes what you are telling is also quite true. No wonder we are soon going to beat China. πŸ™‚
    @Allirekha : *Begs for the nth time* Yes, Please believe me. It all happened. Right in front of my big brown eyes.
    @Priya : Thanks very much. Yes, even I have seen my mom doing that. Giving away gifts. 😐
    After my cousin dropped her towel and ran away and after I(and my real sis) gulped down the initial shock, we fell off the couch laughing. My cousin was quite embarrassed for the whole day.
    hehehe.
    @Rajneesh : Yes, you almost know quite a few of them but the last one is very fresh. πŸ˜›
    @Sulz : Inner lols? Thats a new one. πŸ˜†

  21. Amit May 26, 2008 at 8:03 pm - Reply

    @Chubby : πŸ˜€ Thanks.

  22. Anand May 26, 2008 at 9:06 pm - Reply

    that was really jaw dropping … lol

    and can we expect one more jaw dropping post, though you’d probably call it jaw breaking post πŸ™‚

  23. allirekha May 26, 2008 at 9:17 pm - Reply

    Hilarious !!!
    Where in this world are u living πŸ˜€ ROFL..
    n is that last one about you man
    n the way inserted smileys is really coool πŸ™‚

  24. Reema May 26, 2008 at 9:46 pm - Reply

    Yup i really saw it cuz as i said “when u walk into a staff room…..” It was gross! I fled from there.

  25. vishesh May 26, 2008 at 11:47 pm - Reply

    lol and i tell you that i had no intention of doing something but that turns out to become popular and you are a star πŸ™‚

    er…any plans of posting on YU?

  26. ish May 27, 2008 at 1:54 am - Reply

    Woah!

    I need ages. What was your age when the cousin incident happened?! πŸ˜›

    And explain in detail the story of that guy losing his virginity. Those stories are shitloads of fun because ladkon ko toh hamesha se badha chadha ke bolne ki aadat hoti hai. Haath lagaaya and bola ki kiss kiya. I wouldn’t really believe him. As the Rin Supreme ad’s go, Proof dikhao πŸ˜›

  27. Amit May 27, 2008 at 7:57 am - Reply

    @Anand : Thanks. πŸ˜€ And yes I have a lot of jaw breaking material but the people involved are going to kill me if they find it here. 😐
    @Allirekha : Hehehe. Thanks. πŸ˜€ I guess you will have such incidences in your kitty too. Let some time pass. And yeah *sigh* the last one is about me. I am going to kill that astrologer if something does not happen soon. πŸ‘Ώ
    @Reema : Humans never fail to surprise me. :mrgreen: Cummon, you fled? I would have whistled. πŸ˜€
    @Vishesh : Thanks. πŸ˜€ hahaha. And I sent you a mail.
    @Ish : Yeah I know. Its pretty Woah. πŸ˜€ We were 13-14 year old when this cousin incidence happened. We laughed a lot later on and made a lot of fun of my cousin.
    And believe me, that classmate story is true. He was a very close friend of mine and I knew that what he said was true. He was very much into all those things. πŸ˜›

  28. Reema May 27, 2008 at 8:23 am - Reply

    I fled cuz I don’t know how to whistle!! πŸ˜€

  29. Liju Philip May 27, 2008 at 9:05 am - Reply

    Poonam ji, aap kehna kya chahte ho? πŸ˜‰

  30. Suda May 27, 2008 at 11:44 am - Reply

    Ok Amit, here I become SUDA again, just because you said you liked it πŸ™‚

    I was actually pissed of because people keep using Sudha instead of Suda (Sudha is girls name you know). So I thought of changing name but ok now not.

  31. Amit May 27, 2008 at 8:22 pm - Reply

    @Reema : πŸ˜†
    @Suda : Yeah, I can understand. Even I am a victim of the “H” factor and you can see the sample somewhere in the comment section of this post. πŸ˜‰

  32. Vijaya Bharat May 27, 2008 at 9:48 pm - Reply

    I believe all the things as I know many of the office incidents and witnessed 1 or 2 before itself πŸ™‚ I think you have to take the number of that astrologer and thank him personally. At least he is helping indirectly to achieve your mission πŸ™‚ I am getting a strong feeling day by day that you will search a girl named Kareena as your life partner πŸ˜‰ Like one of your previous posts, you have to post in matrimonial column that “I need a girl named Kareena” πŸ™‚ Did you got this thought before or not ? Tell the truth man πŸ™‚

  33. Amit May 28, 2008 at 9:07 am - Reply

    @Vijaya Bharat : You mean like all those funny matrimonials?? πŸ˜€ If I ask for a girl named Kareena, believe me the number of girls who will respond are going to decrease drastically. I am not ready to take such a chance. πŸ˜›
    And everytime my mom calls me up now a days, she starts with – So….
    And then I reply – So, nothing. Please behave like a grownup. πŸ˜†
    “The story of my life” πŸ™

  34. Abha May 28, 2008 at 11:24 am - Reply

    hi Amit……….pretty funny incidents….well with your Grandma being an actress an you somebody like Ranbeer Kapur………It would have been gr8!!!
    n I like the last one…………seems if you want to get married now……you should for sure find yourself a girl!!!

  35. pr3rna May 28, 2008 at 11:45 am - Reply

    My favourite one is //A FORMAL SHIRT WITH POLKA DOTS!!!//
    //you come to know that one of your roommate whom you considered to be worthless and irritating and someone a girl will never touch with a barge pole, has a girlfriend.// some girls prefer dumb boys πŸ™‚

  36. Voracious Blog Reader May 28, 2008 at 1:48 pm - Reply

    Hey Amit,

    That was a neat list.

    I loved each and every one of them. Never have read these before.

    Were they real incidents? If so, sorry for laughing at some of them. Didn’t bother to read other comments and hence this question has surfaced itself.

    Voracious Blog Reader

  37. IdliDosa May 28, 2008 at 3:32 pm - Reply

    just out of curiosity…did these things happen to you? :-/

  38. Amit May 28, 2008 at 5:20 pm - Reply

    @Abha : Yes, I know I would have been a huge superstar. πŸ˜€ Even the slight mention of “what-could-have-happened” have lead the girls to compare me with Toweliya Kapoor. Imagine what would have happened if it all would have turned into reality. πŸ˜‰
    @Pr3rna : Thanks for the kind words. πŸ™ I was really into a big shock when I heard the news but now I have accepted the fact that I am intellegent. πŸ˜‰
    @Voracious Blog Reader : Thanks and welcome to the blog. πŸ˜€ Yes, they are all true incidences. They all happened and I can swear it on Geeta(the book).
    @IdliDosa : Yes, all the incidences actually happened. Believe me, you are not the first one who has asked this. And I am already feeling like a celebrity. πŸ˜†

  39. Reema May 28, 2008 at 6:59 pm - Reply

    CELEBRITY??? somehow I get the impression people don’t trust u and that u r famous for telling long stories which r not true. Thats why everyone is skeptical. πŸ˜› πŸ˜€

  40. Amit May 28, 2008 at 7:31 pm - Reply

    @Reema : Ahem!!! People are asking me again and again about the authenticity of the incidences because they can’t fathom how someone’s life can be so intresting. πŸ˜› I am very bad at telling stories, specially the cooked ones, because I get caught very easily. And we all have our share of “downs” too and believe me if I list them here, people are still going to ask me the same question. They are equally unbelievable. So there. πŸ™‚
    p.s. On a lighter note, if one more person asks me whether all this happened or not, I am going to bang my head in the wall. πŸ˜›

  41. ish May 29, 2008 at 2:06 am - Reply

    Did this really happen or are these just stories?

    *waits for Amit to bang his head in the wall*

    Done? No?

    *waits some more till Amit returns with his head all red with blood*

    Mazaa aaya? Nahi aaya?

    *personally pushes Amit’s head into the wall*

    Ab toh pakka mazaa aaya hoga? πŸ˜›

    Btw, you’re getting popular, Anna. πŸ˜›

  42. oemar May 29, 2008 at 4:22 am - Reply

    I would love my life if things like these happened daily πŸ˜‰

  43. Vijaya Bharat May 30, 2008 at 3:35 am - Reply

    So you are telling ur mom to behave like a grownup. Ok, what to do. ur time is going on .. but till when man ? Soon u will be in home and ur mom starts asking directly πŸ™‚ Seriously I want to witness that man πŸ˜‰

  44. Amit May 30, 2008 at 2:08 pm - Reply

    @Ish : bas?? Ho gaya?? Abhi bhi zinda hoon main. Do teen baar aur maar lo. Please satisfy yourself completely. πŸ˜› Popular?? Whats that? πŸ˜›
    @Oemar : Yeah. πŸ˜€ Well they all happened over a span of 25 years or so. πŸ˜€
    @Bharat : Even I am worried about that. 😐

  45. Poonam Sharma May 30, 2008 at 3:40 pm - Reply

    @Liju, Amit: Bcoz, like Liju, I thought that one was most bizarre. But I chose not to comment on it. πŸ™‚

  46. Vijaya Bharat May 30, 2008 at 8:52 pm - Reply

    So you want to be in home but your mother should not ask about your marriage. Dont you think you are selfish πŸ™‚ So better you try for your love in chennai itself so that you can have a win-win situation or else let your mother search for you πŸ˜‰ Any way if you prefer south indian, i know one girl named KAREENA from bangalore πŸ˜‰ …just for gags πŸ™‚

  47. Amit May 31, 2008 at 10:02 am - Reply

    @Liju, @Poonam : Yes it was and I knew most of the poeple will shy away from commenting on it. So we should give Liju some sort of a bravery award. πŸ˜€
    @Vijaya Bharat : I don’t have a South Indian-North Indian problem but my father won’t give me a penny from his property of crores then. πŸ˜›

  48. Matangi May 31, 2008 at 11:46 pm - Reply

    tht was too good. funny!
    u write very well! πŸ˜€

  49. Amit June 1, 2008 at 12:37 am - Reply

    @Matangi : Thanks a lot. πŸ˜€

  50. Ruhi June 4, 2008 at 4:33 am - Reply

    *Speechless* I’d read this post when you had posted it a couple of days back, but didn’t comment. πŸ˜€ Don’t know which incident is the best…this needs to go into your Hall of Fame…seriously.

    >>…your project leader sends a mail to the whole team without doing a spell check re-reading(*thanks Poonam*) and has misspelled list as lust.

    HAHAHHA…stole the cake for me! Can imagine my PM doing that. Would be fun.

  51. Amit June 4, 2008 at 8:44 pm - Reply

    @Ruhi : Helloooo!!! Look who appeared!! πŸ˜€ Its so nice to see your comment. Some of these incidences were not shocking when they actually happened. Like the one in which my Grandma told me about the movie offer, I almost choked in tears. 😐
    And about that “lust” mail. We still laugh in office at times remembering that. πŸ™‚ Such small small incidences make life so interesting. πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply