waveIf you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality. – Bishop Desmond Tutu

So when my eyes fell upon this news article according to which girls in Kanpur have to adhere to certain ‘safety’ measures taken by the colleges to discourage sexual harassment, my first impulse was a bewildered laughter. And what are those ‘safety measures’? Well, its quite simple and basic actually. They can’t wear jeans in colleges anymore. One clean sweep and we have taken a giant stride towards freeing our country of rapists and molesters!

Run! Quick! Cover the girls!

It reminds me of an ostrich, digging a hole and burying his head as soon as he senses danger.

This isn’t something new. Women have always been accused of inviting rapes and harassment because they were wearing ‘provocative’ dresses(how jeans is provocative is something beyond me). And its not just women. Recently, Indians in Australia were told by the authorities that they invited the attacks because they carry laptops and mp3 players openly(this was something not even worth a bewildered laugh from me). And haven’t we blamed the poor for their conditions instead of the socio economic structure and how the rich suck their blood?  So, what is it with us? Why is a victim the culprit?

The Utopia

Since our birth, we are seasoned to look at the world with rose tinted glasses. Good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. God works in black and white, there are no greys. So, when a man is stabbed in a deserted lane, he is accused of inviting trouble by going there in the first place. He must have done something wrong for God to punish him with the lightening of his wrath. Death, rape, robbery, molestation does not happen to people who are good. Who remain in their limits.

Believe me, I know people who supported the recent beating up of girls in a pub in Mangalore. People are living in a fairy land created by God and they will go to any extend to maintain its sanctity. It does not matter to them that they are breaking the very laws which they have created to guard the sanctity. It does not matter to them that they are shielding the thief who stabbed the man.

Aha! A scapegoat!

Incompetency is a huge albatross to carry. Law enforcing agencies are full of incompetent people who are there just to collect money or with people who don’t have a clue about their responsibilities. And too bad if your vote bank is full of religious fanatics. Even if the government try to think about amending the age old laws which were made to curb the freedom of an individual, the fanatics will be at their throats talking about God’s will and the holy shit.

So, what happens when an illiterate housewife named Zafran Bibi goes to the police claiming that she was raped and was pregnant? She is accused of adultery and sentenced to death by stoning. For a rapist to be convicted, the crime has to be confirmed by four male eyewitnesses and the rapist must confess, they said.

Suffering and Happiness

We feel relieved and in control of our lives when we see someone suffer or when we spot a fresh scapegoat. Its a human trait. Nothing to be ashamed of. We feel more close to God.

‘Thank God, It was not me.’, we say. God has blessed me and I must be good. Relieved. Happy. Unscathed.

We forget the fact that the whole society rides on the same wave. There is nothing disjoint here. We all go up together and we all come crashing down together. Its like cancer. You can’t tell your hand that everything is all right when you have a brain tumor.

Good old Fate

Its funny how while explaining the action and its outcome for other people, we tend to emphasise on their psyche but when we find ourselves in that situation, then its all about the situation. Its threatening to our ego to accept our internal failures. Its safe to say that you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Oh God what did I do? and all that crap!

Well! You were riding the wave and it came crashing down!

When a team wins, its skills and hard work and happiness. When it loses, we burn effigies. Suddenly from being the victims of our over-pressurization, they are now the culprits.

In the End

And so you ask, ‘What about the innocent bystanders?’ But we are in a time of revolution. If you are a bystander, you are not innocent. – Abbie Hoffman

Maybe its easier to blame someone who is weak. Its less trouble. We live happily in Neverland till tragedy is at our doorsteps. We need some sort of a vicarious brain machine to wake us up. We need to live ‘those’ moments which pull you to reality and make you realize that a victim needs the whole helping hand instead of a finger pointing at him.

Maybe we need to realize that the girls in Kanpur need a free distribution of chili powder and Karate classes instead of a ban on wearing jeans.

Maybe we need to realize that stoning a woman to death will not stop the next rape.

Maybe we need to realize that every culprit was once a suppressed victim.

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016.
Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping.
He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

80 Comments

  1. Smitha June 26, 2009 at 1:13 am - Reply

    Amit, Such a relevant post. My thoughts entirely. I just wish that blaming the victim mentality goes and goes for good.

    Blaming the victim, I think, happens when the society knows that the culprit is in a more powerful position. Where it is just easier to silence the victim. If you see, all the cases, that you have listed, has weaker victims, being further victimized by blaming them for the crime!

    • Amit June 26, 2009 at 1:25 am - Reply

      When I read the quote which appeared in the beginning of the post, I thought, what if a mouse has his foot on the tail of an elephant? We would laugh at him, won’t we? Simply because he is weak. And that is exactly what we do when the victim is weak.

  2. Final_Transit June 26, 2009 at 2:31 am - Reply

    Hi Amit,

    I cannot understand how you could possibly dabble between posting pictures of hot celebrities and then writing a post like this one. That said, I’m not assuming a uni-dimensional personality but still it baffles me at the variety of topics you cover in detail. 🙂

    Priyank

    • Amit June 26, 2009 at 3:22 am - Reply

      Priyank,

      Err..I will take this as a compliment. I would definitely like to write more posts like this one but I usually don’t get enough time to research. 🙂
      And believe me, after a long time, I somehow liked what I wrote. 🙂

  3. Solilo June 26, 2009 at 2:35 am - Reply

    Amit, An apt post and wish more could actually think like this. Instead of asking the victim to take care and be careful, it is important to make our law enforcement more vigilante.

    Also, till it happens to us we really don’t care. When one sees a case in the open, people usually ignore it and doesn’t want to ‘invite’ trouble. But we everyone comes together and scare the culprit then things could change. Most of these bullies, eve teasers are scary cats and if gherao-ed they would run for life.

    • Ordinary Guy June 26, 2009 at 3:24 am - Reply

      Rightly said Sololi………………..

    • Amit June 26, 2009 at 3:26 am - Reply

      Thanks Solilo. Yes, I wish that too. Its really really mindless to ask girls to stop wearing jeans. I would definitely like to meet the person who came up with that idea. Its like asking someone to sit at home because he might get robbed. What is the bloody police force for then?
      These people are actually bowing in front of the culprits and it kills me that they are having the last laugh.

  4. Harsh June 26, 2009 at 4:56 am - Reply

    The idea of implementing the dress code and the explanation given by the principal of one of the colleges appeared totally insane to me …. I mean , the best way to save them is lock them inside the four walls then … why even allow them to colleges ….

    I am glad that Indian govt. has decided to revert this decision ….

    • Amit June 26, 2009 at 1:46 pm - Reply

      Yes, it is insane. Its more than insane. Its dangerous. Sometimes it scares the shit out of me just thinking about the kind of people who have a decision making power in India.

  5. Deepti June 26, 2009 at 9:15 am - Reply

    Hi Amit,

    I have recently seen two examples of how the so called ‘society’ points fingers at the victim on grounds of provocation.

    1) Although Shiney Ahuja is being grilled for his deeds…there are some sect of people who are targetting the maid, saying that she ‘did it’. His wife has claims of a ‘male-rape’, while he himself is happily claiming that it was by mutual consent!! I don’t even know how and what to comment on this…

    2) Recently a friend of mine working in Dubai, came back abruptly. When asked she said that her boss was making open sexual advances towards her.Hence she ran back as soon as she could lay her hands on her passpor. On this one of my male friends made statements like “she must have done something to get this treatment!!”

    I would just say that for people, it’s easy to comment on such situations, unless one faces it directly or thru some family member.

    • Amit June 26, 2009 at 1:53 pm - Reply

      I agree with you.
      In case of Shiney, no one but the two of them(Shiney and the maid) know what actually happened. The rest is all speculation. Well, a male rape can’t happen with mutual consent in the same way a woman’s rape can’t happen with mutual consent.
      And Dubai looks very shiny and glittery from outside but I have read horror stories about people who work there.
      Yes, it is easy to spice up the story and comment on it but the person realizes the reality when he is thrown into a similar situation. Its ironical.

  6. sakhi June 26, 2009 at 9:45 am - Reply

    I read in newspaper today the two 14, yes you read right, 14 years old girls were harrassed by 4 daily wagers and were saved from getting raped no thanks to police but because general public intrvened and thrashed the culprits!! SIGH!

    What was the girls fault?? They were swinging in the garden in the afternoon! 🙁 🙁

    Kya bole yaar!

    • Amit June 26, 2009 at 1:56 pm - Reply

      I think living in a jungle will be much easier. 🙁

  7. Eric Richardville June 26, 2009 at 11:03 am - Reply

    I love the post the part about how they are accusing women of causing rape. You’re right, it is like sticking their heads in the sand. How can anyone take themselves seriously by saying that someone brings rape on themselves by dressing provocative. Where is the ownership for one sown actions here? I love your blog. It is a mix of wonderful pictures and very good conversation.

    • Amit June 26, 2009 at 1:58 pm - Reply

      Thanks Eric and Welcome to my blog! 🙂
      Well, there is no ownership and that is the problem. We are just passing the blame to each other. 🙁

  8. Smita June 26, 2009 at 11:27 am - Reply

    This is such a well written post Amit!!!

    You are absolutely right. Instead of finding solutions to problems we concentrate on finding faults and people to blame!!!

    Yep! I say again we all are hypocrites & we change our stand as per the situation. We only wake up when it strikes US!!! Till the point it is happening to others we aren’t bothered.

    Our priorities are misplaced!!! We are more concerned about reacting on loss in a match/ burning effigies of sportsman but we let each n every molester/ corrupt politician roam freely!!!!

    We are a bunch of hypocrites Amit!!!! Nothing more than that nothing less than that.

    • Amit June 27, 2009 at 1:14 am - Reply

      Thanks Smita!
      Yes, this is what bothers me. We are hypocrites and we don’t give a damn. We are like a machine which runs on money. No brains!

  9. Vijaya Bharat June 26, 2009 at 11:52 am - Reply

    Nice written but age old topic. As I always used to said, there should be change in the way of thinking by these people. Until then these kind of things repeat now and then.

    So what is in our hand is taking some precautionary measures. I appreciate freedom etc concepts when it is agreed by all. If one person who is mentally ill also may harm us. After knowing that there are somany people like this are in and around us, why dont we take care of ourselves ?

    So try to educate the world and in the same time take precautionary measures as well.

    I agree with you not to be a witness where you can help and avoid the total happening itself. But I wont agree with your last line of the topic that “every culprit is once a victim”. It is a very wrong statement. How rich kids are once victims who are raping in their cars worth of lakhs while driving in the streets itself.

    More than 60% of the people in our country are not even having proper food to eat. Wont the poor get frustration when they dont get 2 rs when they asked but the people who refused to give them that are taking about their just done shopping worth 10000 rs. Where to show and on whom to show their frustration ? Thats why these riots and rapes and unsocial activities are happening as per me. I am not telling or supporting begging but dont be so selfish and think sometimes about the world around you.

    What is meant by well educated ? Wearing low hip jeans and skin tight dresses ? Dont they study about inequalities in society ? Dont they know the psychology of people ? Dont they learn from others mistakes ? Dont they take care of themselves ?

    Dont misunderstand me. I never said wearing a jeans is wrong. By knowing the society where they were born and brought up, wearing such kind of dresses which expose your body and increase testosterone levels of people is wrong. That too going to lone places by wearing such kind of dresses in the name of individuality etc things is not correct.

    Think & Do. Love yourself. Being safe and unharmed is most important in the present society.

    • Amit June 27, 2009 at 2:58 am - Reply

      Its not wrong to take care of yourself. The problem starts when you took care of yourself and then something bad happened and instead of helping you, people start pointing fingers at you.
      Its not fine to tell a girl to stop wearing jeans. That is not a precautionary measure. Giving her a chili spray is. You can’t ask someone to sit at home because he might be robbed. That is not precautionary. Increasing vigilance in the area will be.
      I believe that even the rich kid was a victim. Someone who was brought up in a messed up environment. He might never realise it though but as they say, life moves in circles.
      I think riots happen because the politicians manipulate the vote bank. Its because people are poor and you can make then do anything by providing them with money. Although, I think this is a seperate topic in itself.
      There is something called a choice of an individual. If a girl feel like wearing low waist jeans, then you can’t tell her not to because the society is not open enough. What happened to the fact that this is a democracy and the girl is above 18 years of age? If she can choose the Prime Minister, she can choose what to wear. Its the government’s responsibility to make sure that the girl is provided with a safe environment, not the girl’s.
      And provokative dresses don’t invite rape. Here are some statistics:
      – A Federal Commission on Crime of Violence Study found that only 4.4% of all reported rapes involved provocative behavior on the part of the victim. In murder cases 22% involved such behavior (as simple
      as a glance).
      – Most convicted rapists do not remember what their victims were wearing.
      – Victims range in age from days old to those in their nineties, hardly provocative dressers.

  10. Perx June 26, 2009 at 12:12 pm - Reply

    Maybe we need a way to understand that we won’t change, cuz we don’t want to change..
    but i’m glad that some people like urself still have hope.. hope is a beautiful thing.. i envy those who have it

    • Amit June 27, 2009 at 11:51 am - Reply

      I don’t have much hope either. I always thought that the youth of India is different. We think differently from the older generation and when we take up their responsibilities, things will automatically change.
      But, 1.5 years in Kurukshetra and all my false ideas vanished. The youth is as bad as the older generation. More conservative and more violent. We live in cities and think that India is changing, which is not the case. Go in a small town and you will be shocked to see that we are still where we were 50 years ago.
      I don’t have much hope either.

  11. Liju Philip June 26, 2009 at 1:19 pm - Reply

    When pubs are ordered shut at 11 pm in the night and when college girls are stopped from wearing jeans simply because the govt believes that crime will increase. I believe the govt is incompetent to prevent the crime that is biggest problem here.

    We elect the govt to give us a safe environment to live, work and play. And we dont need a freakin govt to tell us how long we can party into the night or what we wear to work/school

    • Anand June 26, 2009 at 2:36 pm - Reply

      I think govt. is competent enough to tackle these issues, the problem I see is the lack of will. Probably we need to make our voices heard.

    • Amit June 27, 2009 at 11:52 am - Reply

      Exactly my point. Its not as if they can’t do it. They just don’t want to do it.

  12. hitchwriter June 26, 2009 at 4:46 pm - Reply

    the world at times seems a really scary place… !! doesnt it…

    • Amit June 27, 2009 at 11:53 am - Reply

      It is a scary place. We make it scary.

  13. Saima June 26, 2009 at 7:12 pm - Reply

    A wonderful post 🙂 first time here..I wish more people had thoughts like yours. Alas..its a long long way for people to understand this 🙁

    • Amit June 27, 2009 at 11:54 am - Reply

      Thanks Saima and Welcome to my blog! 🙂
      Yes, its a looooong, very loooong way!

    • Indian Homemaker June 27, 2009 at 3:27 pm - Reply

      I agree with you Saima, I really wish more people had thoughts like Amit. You should also read his post of violence in Orrisa.

  14. Shivya June 26, 2009 at 8:45 pm - Reply

    An extremely well-written post. I agree with you completely. I wish more men could think the way you do.

  15. | Balu | June 26, 2009 at 9:20 pm - Reply

    When I was in college, our university tried to bring out such a role (I even wrote a story on it for the university newspaper =P). But students being students — that too in a university town like Manipal — continued to blatantly ignore the dress code. There is a limit to what the management could have done.The max they could have done is announce reduction of marks for those who broke it, but that would be just result in riots! So it never happened. We were lucky.
    The problem is most administrators are too lazy to go till the root cause of the problem. They just look at the surface and try to come up with a solution, which in most cases really doesn’t help. If women are getting raped/molested police strength should be doubled and law should be changed so that molesters are punished; instead of oppressing the oppressed.

    • Amit June 27, 2009 at 12:01 pm - Reply

      I think its harder to control the college crowd. You can’t force a decision down their throat so easily. And anyways, I don’t understand the point.
      Maybe, they just don’t want to go to the root because deep down they somehow support the fact that girls should not wear western dresses and incidents of this kind give them a reason to ensure that they don’t.

      • Indian Homemaker June 27, 2009 at 3:36 pm

        Amit the decision has been revoked because of government’s interference. I think one reason for the ban could be to just shut up the girls who were complaining, I am in Delhi now, and I was told they park Police Vehicles outside all colleges. I don’t see why Kanpur University Principals can’t make some effort to solve a problem for once, instead of making lazy and regressive excuses.

      • Amit June 28, 2009 at 12:30 pm

        Yes IHM, I read about it. We really have to make some noise to let the Government understand that something is wrong.
        Yes, even when I was studying in DU, there always used to be police vehicles around, specially during the months in which the colleges opened and during Valentines day.

  16. | Balu | June 26, 2009 at 9:20 pm - Reply

    When I was in college, our university tried to bring out such a role (I even wrote a story on it for the university newspaper =P). But students being students — that too in a university town like Manipal — continued to blatantly ignore the dress code. There is a limit to what the management could have done.The max they could have done is announce reduction of marks for those who broke it, but that would be just result in riots! So it never happened. We were lucky.
    The problem is most administrators are too lazy to go till the root cause of the problem. They just look at the surface and try to come up with a solution, which in most cases really doesn’t help. If women are getting raped/molested police strength should be doubled and law should be changed so that molesters are punished; instead of oppressing the oppressed.

  17. Reema June 26, 2009 at 11:47 pm - Reply

    very good post. I wish for the land where the head is held high and the mind is really free..not worried about the guy walking past me will whistle or not!

    • Amit June 27, 2009 at 12:03 pm - Reply

      Thanks Reema! Well, yes, what’s wrong in wishing? 🙂

  18. kanagu June 27, 2009 at 2:20 am - Reply

    Superb post Amit.. well written.. 🙂

    We are a people of hypocrites I can say… 🙁

  19. Eric Richardville June 27, 2009 at 11:26 am - Reply

    Very good point. There has to be accountability. I love this post. The comments are great too.

    • Amit June 27, 2009 at 12:05 pm - Reply

      Thanks Eric!
      And yeah, the comments are good. I have to apply more brains while replying to them than what I applied while writing the post. 😐

  20. Prerna June 27, 2009 at 2:09 pm - Reply

    In UP in another extreme 3 eve teasers were booked under NSA (National Security Act), doesn’t seem to have the desired effect. I guess it wasn’t publicised enough.
    There was a story my Nana used to tell me as a child. A thief was brought to a king’s court where he was sentenced to death. He requested that his mother be punished instead because if she had punished him when he committed the first crime he would not be in this situation. The parents of the eve teasers need to share the blame for not instilling the right values in the children.

    • Amit June 28, 2009 at 12:21 pm - Reply

      Oh No! Media will never publicize the good things. There is no masala in that. 🙂
      Isn’t it the same story in which the thief bites the ear of his mother? 🙂

  21. Indyeah June 27, 2009 at 2:24 pm - Reply

    We are hypocrites…we are cowards too in more ways than one..we would rather pretend that the problem doesn’t exist than face it head on..

    Victims in India are victims because they are weak…is the general feeling..they must have done something to ‘invite ‘ it…is what we think…

    and in a country where people worship power and so blatantly at that, is it any wonder that the victim is always seen as the ‘culprit?’

    Amit these are my fav lines
    “If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything”
    and then a classic by Ramdhari Singh Dinkar
    ‘समर शेष है, नहीं पाप का भागी केवल व्याघ्र, जो तटस्थ हैं, समय लिखेगा उनका भी अपराध।”

    Those who say they are neutral or sitting on the fence are the biggest culprits

    • Amit June 28, 2009 at 12:26 pm - Reply

      We are inspired by Ostriches! 🙂
      Indyeah, I hate to say that but I love the kind of freedom people have here in UK. True that the teasing and stuff happens here also but your life is yours. No one is going to ask you to do this or wear that. There is a freedom of choice. I wonder when will the mentality change in India.

  22. Indian Homemaker June 27, 2009 at 2:50 pm - Reply

    I am late here… but I loved this post Amit. Brilliant.
    Maybe its easier to blame someone who is weak. Its less trouble. We live happily in Neverland till tragedy is at our doorsteps. We need some sort of a vicarious brain machine to wake us up. We need to live ‘those’ moments which pull you to reality and make you realize that a victim needs the whole helping hand instead of a finger pointing at him.

  23. Vee June 27, 2009 at 5:53 pm - Reply

    A friend (girl) of mine has a theory: ‘Even if I walk naked on the street, that should not be taken as an invitation to ‘come-fuck-me’. Isn’t that true?

    Blaming in on the fairer gender by stating she is/was wearing provocative or revealing clothes is so shallow.

    • Indyeah June 28, 2009 at 2:14 am - Reply

      I SO agree with Vee’s friend

    • Amit June 28, 2009 at 12:40 pm - Reply

      EXACTLY!
      I think Indians don’t know how to “control” themselves. Everyone is out of control. Media. Politicians. Public.

  24. Kido June 28, 2009 at 1:37 am - Reply

    The post was seriously good… Wish more men start thinking like you…

    B/w I must admit, your blogging style is truly diverse…

    Have a great weekend 🙂

    Cheers!!!

    • Amit June 28, 2009 at 12:40 pm - Reply

      Thanks Kido. I am glad that you liked it!
      Have a great weekend!

  25. Nita June 28, 2009 at 9:21 am - Reply

    Blaming women is a favourite past time in our society. Keeping molesters and lechers in a veil never occurs to them! I can understand if it is a question of being careful in a crime infested area or in a dark alley at midnight, but if this is happening in college (molesters and lechers roaming about freely) then it’s a serious indictment on our society.

    • Amit June 28, 2009 at 12:45 pm - Reply

      Yesterday, I went to see Transformers and there was a small handheld machine which they were using to give an electric shock to a person. It was sort of a Taser and I thought – THIS is what is needed! We should give this to the girls! 🙂
      Yes, the least they can do in a college is to put some police jeeps around.

  26. Ishmeet June 28, 2009 at 5:51 pm - Reply

    I’m quite tired of all these excuses now. Girls shouldn’t be allowed to wear skirts, couples shouldn’t hold hands in public, they shouldn’t go to a cinema hall to watch a movie and all of that dipshit. They’re all just excuses which everybody finds convenient. The law and order bodies say that because they don’t have the machinery to catch the rapists. The rapists say so because it justifies them in their opinion and the fanatics say so just because this is like the best opportunity to oppose all things western. We just don’t have the balls to admit that everything in our society has gone horribly wrong. In trying to keep the males and females away from each other when they are younger to ensure “clean” and “pure” humans totally backfired. The guys became so desperate that they started raping the girls. And just because we’ll never accept that we did something wrong, we decided to blame the girls for the western clothing. It’s all so convenient.

    And do you think the media who’s been spreading this news like fire cares? They don’t give two pieces of crap about it. If they did, they would have followed up and found out that there are so many colleges in the country where this actually goes as an unsaid rule. It’s understood that the girls are not to wear western clothes. It’s just that when something gains news we start acting as if we’ve woken up from our slumber. Ten days later, there’ll be another high profile rape case and the news channels will go mad after that. Nothing has changed. And I might be extremely pessimistic but the way things are going, I don’t think anything will. You and me wouldn’t have raped a girl anyway. The average Indian male who we are trying to awaken here doesn’t care. And I’m very sure of that.

    • Amit June 30, 2009 at 12:27 am - Reply

      Yes, that is what they are. Excuses. We just forget the fact that we are the second most populous country in the world and that does not happen by keeping men and women separate. All this pretending is laughable.
      Media only cares about the ratings and masala. Yes, the situation is pessimistic and somehow I am not sure if anyone can be awakened….

  27. Destination Infinity June 28, 2009 at 6:37 pm - Reply

    In our college, we had this rule of not wearing T-Shirts. One of my friends from another college told me – “That is imposing a lot of restrictions for girls”. I told him, that the rule was for guys!! Both guys and girls, I meant.

    But one thing that was good about our college was, if there was any ragging or any teasing around the campus, there were strict punishments. That helped good behaviour in the campus. Of course, if the guys were from the same college, you could be strict, but what can you do about the guys on the road?

    Destination Infinity

    • Amit June 30, 2009 at 12:29 am - Reply

      Ha! Thats a first! 🙂 That is when most of the things happen, right? Outside the college. Well, for starters they can post police jeeps outside the college and near the bus stops close by. That will give the girls some sense of security.

  28. Rajkumar June 28, 2009 at 11:36 pm - Reply

    The Problem according to your point of view is correct but ther are also many colleges i knew that boys and girls would not speak among themselves. I went through you blog it contains many useful things and its marvellous. I like to add your link in my blog if you are interested please go through my blog and if u like you can also add my link in your blog.All the best for your future posts.

    • Amit June 30, 2009 at 12:32 am - Reply

      Thanks Rajkumar and Welcome to my Blog!
      I will definitely read your blog!

  29. Maddie June 30, 2009 at 4:16 pm - Reply

    The laws are not supportive enough for the victim and hence I think people think the victim invites the trouble. The weak law enforcement strengthens the will of the culprit because he knows that he would get out of it. If a woman dresses provocatively, its her decision and her body. How can someone say that she brought it on to her I dont understand.

    • Amit July 2, 2009 at 1:50 am - Reply

      Its just that the laws are not strict and people have this “chalta hai” masala attitude. The easiest way out is to blame the victim.

  30. Indian Homemaker July 2, 2009 at 10:27 pm - Reply

    The Police Jeep and also on some rikshaws they messages as warnings against harassment of girls, so they have made it clear that the misbehaviour would not be tolerated.

    • Amit July 2, 2009 at 11:38 pm - Reply

      That is something good!

  31. Rajkumar July 4, 2009 at 5:44 pm - Reply

    Amit waiting for your posts for long days please put some posts man also give me link back in you blog.

    • Amit July 5, 2009 at 6:19 pm - Reply

      Thanks RajKumar. Err…I have already posted a new one. I generally post once a week. 🙂 And I have already linked you!

  32. deepsm25 July 19, 2009 at 2:05 am - Reply

    My experience on this front concludes that, where people can’t find anything better to do and are they are bored..they resort to the under- creativity of their minds by coming up with things like these!

    • Amit July 20, 2009 at 3:04 am - Reply

      I think most of these things happen when you are in the wrong job and are too scared to acknowledge.

  33. rahul August 7, 2009 at 12:56 am - Reply

    Dear Sir

    My sister who was married 2 years ago has one baby boy. She is not allowed to cut her hair, wear jeans, bleach her face, wear kajal, wear bindi, her husband and her family never share anything with her, never even told her that we called her up, by her husband and he rebuked her left and right in a very loud rude manner in the nursing home when my nephew was just 1 day old, in front of my mother (when we came to know) when she wore bindi and and even rebuked my mother for interfering and both sobbed profusely but he was unperturbed by that incident and he does not allow us to talk to her (like he says will let her talk but fail his promises) and she is not allowed to talk to us in spite of many requests, their parents even disconnected phone connection when they were out of calcutta so that my sister cannot contact us,fed my sister very poorly during pregnancy, no one talks to her properly because she loves her mother a lot, which is the cause of their anger and she does not want to be kept chained, also we gave some books on Art of Living which he returned back to us saying rudely not to give her, once or twice when he used to bring her to our home before pregnancy, he did not talk to us properly, we are not able to know my sister’s consent, as she is not allowed to come to our house in spite of several requests. Even when my mother was very ill, she had to touch her husband’s feet to make a call to us but she did not allow or when we call them (sister’s husband and his parents) they disconnect the phone, or whenever we call them they either say she is feeding her child or she is taking bath or eating even at 6 pm or 7 pm and in spite of several requests from us and our relatives, they are not allowing her to come to our house even after pregnancy as they promised during marriage and openly says no without any reason or when we go there they behave in such a way that we did a great mistake by going there and openly insults us like opening door very late, not talking to us properly, insults us in front of sister, and also if my sister protests she is said to be abused by her husband according to the next door neighbors because even they can hear his loud voice while rebuking my sister and when I lost my temper when as he was not allowing us to see their baby, he told us not to come again straightway and told my mother who is totally innocent to take her daughter if they see her again, which clearly speaks itself about their intention and also he told many cooked-up stories about my character to my relatives by phone as I talked with their neighbor about his behavior and if we protest in anyway he rebukes my sister instead of us. Also he repeatedly tells us that he has many contacts as he is a TV newsreader of kolkata govt. news channel making us fearful to get any legal aid.

    so my question is, is this is a human right issue or we should remain silent or take legal step?What could be the solution?

    • Amit August 7, 2009 at 3:58 am - Reply

      Rahul,
      Is your sister capable of supporting herself without her husband’s help? Does she or can she have a job? If not, then are you and your mother capable of supporting her?
      If the answer of any of the questions is Yes, then get her out of there. If you are capable, then how can you let her live there? How can she even think of living there?
      Just get her out of there. No one deserves a life like this.
      A woman can live alone. She can support herself and she does not need a pig like this guy to support her. Its ok to be married and separated.
      And after you get your sister out of there, lodge a complaint about this guy in a Women Rights organization. Don’t go to the police directly as they won’t do anything on their own.
      There should not be any question of remaining silent. You should make sure that this guy understands that he is a pig.

  34. Ambika December 8, 2009 at 10:23 pm - Reply

    Hii.. came across this post of your’s today.. Have a look at this

    She is a victim herself!!!

  35. Indian Homemaker April 9, 2012 at 12:44 am - Reply

    I am linking and discussing this post (agreeing with what you have said) in a post on my blog – let me know if you object.

  36. […] until force is seen clearly as wrong and consent is accepted as a choice? … Related posts: When victim is the culprit – Amit Thugs shot policemen while escaping – Witness interviews.  – Vidyut So […]

  37. Rahmath April 9, 2012 at 11:40 pm - Reply

    Came here from IHM’s post. Wanted to say that I Loved this post. And the quote…… so true…..

    • Amit April 10, 2012 at 12:15 pm - Reply

      Thanks Rahmath. Glad that you liked it. 🙂

  38. Malyaj December 9, 2013 at 5:13 pm - Reply

    Very well written !

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