I was drinking beer waiting for my friend in a bar when this gorgeous girl walked up to me.
She: Hi! How are you?
Me: Hi! I am good. How are you?
She : Great. Can I sit here? What’s your name?
Me: Rohit. And yours?
Me (coughing in my beer mug): Which one?
She (smiling): All of them, I guess. Rolled into one.
Me: Listen, can I buy you a drink, dear lord?
She: Sure Earthling. I’ll have a beer too.
So, God and I sat comfortably on the sofa sipping beer, eyeing each other. She was a pretty God.
Me: So, God. What are you doing here on Earth?
She: Just roaming around. Checking how you guys are doing.
Me: And how are we doing?
She: You want me to answer that? All right. You guys are pathetic. I am thinking of ending your race. I am thinking of bringing the dinosaur back.
Me: Really? That is a noble thought. But we are an advanced species. We have made such scientific advancements in the last 200 years. Why would you want us dead?
She: You guys are in such awe of yourself! It’s amazing how being in awe can make you blind to everything else. Tell me something. Point out one thing in the world you would like to change.
Me: Whoa! That is a very difficult question. Hmmm. Let me try. Weapons. Remove all weapons from the world. Yes, that would be perfect.
She: Your stock markets will probably crash if I do that and half of the nations will either be bankrupt or lose their purpose of existence. Anyways, that was a noble thought human. *She smiled* What next?
Me: Vaporize all the terrorists, I guess?
She: What about the people in the position of power who actually fund terrorism? Do you want them to be vaporized too?
Me (emptying my beer mug and ordering another) : Sure.
She: Do you even realize what you are asking for Earthling? Your whole system will collapse if I do that.
Me (realizing that she was getting quite serious) : Relax. You need another beer?
She: Yeah sure. What else?
Me: You really want me to keep going, don’t you?
She: You are angry, I can see it pulse inside you. Out with it.
Me: Okay. You asked for it. I want people to stop littering. I want the spit of a person to fly back in his mouth the moment he spits on the ground. *She giggled* I want people to respect each other’s decisions. I want freedom to express myself. I want girls to be respected. I want politicians to understand the gravity of their position. I want all the black money confiscated. I want honking to be banned. I want poverty to be eliminated. I don’t want to see a single human die of hunger. I don’t want any farmer to commit suicide. I don’t want a single child to be blinded to beg or a girl pushed into prostitution. I want all rapists to be castrated. I want peace. I want people to love this gift of life and give it the respect it deserves.
God stared at me for a while. Her beer arrived. She sipped it thoughtfully.
She: That was quite a mouthful. Now say all this in one sentence.
Me: Ummm. I would like people to be more helpful, to smile at each other, to be honest, to respect.
She: Do you understand now?
Me: Yes. Yes, I do.
She: Killing terrorists and destroying weapons will not solve your problems Earthling. They are the manifestations of decades of wrongdoings. You have to begin from the beginning. One person at a time. From here. *and she tapped her finger on my heart*
It was my turn to stare at her.
Me: Who are you, again?
She: I told you. I am God. *She gulped down her beer in one go* My second glass of beer is over.
Me: And you pick a random stranger one at a time to have a chat and drill your point?
She (smiling): No. Not one at a time. I can appear at a million places at one go. Surely you know that? And besides, I get free beer.
My mobile beeped. It was a text from the friend for whom I was waiting. He was not coming.
Me: Do you want to walk?
We walked for a while. The air was cool. It felt good. I slipped my fingers between hers.
Me: Can I call you sometime?
She: Of course you can. *She turned and faced me, moving her fingers on my cheek* You were my greatest creation Earthling. You can always close you eyes and call me.
With that she started walking towards the next turn.
Me (shouting as she turned the corner) : I was going to ask for your mobile number.
She smiled and turned. I ran after her. There was no one there.
I started walking towards my car scratching my head. I saw an old man walking by. I looked in his eyes and smiled. He hesitated and then smiled back.