Are you a Hindu? Yes.

Do you like cows? Yes, but not in the middle of roads fanning their tails and making dung pyramids.

Do you like dead cows? Depends. If I am hanging from one of her enormous horns and someone shoots her, then yes.

Do you like to eat dead cows? Yeah sure.

Holy cow!

How many such families have you killed?

My first problem is with the vegetarians. Why do they look down upon us poor non-vegetarians as if we are illegal immigrants? We like to eat animals, they like to eat plants. Both live and die. Both are created by God. Looking down upon us will not make us weak. We have tasted flesh. You must know that we will never give up enjoying a lamb to put your degrading looks to rest. You must know that your sinister remarks are bland compared to a juicy chicken leg. Your fear-the-god histrionics are insipid in front of the taste of the fish melting in our mouth. Don’t you know that the Earth is losing its green cover because of idiots like you? You are killing the very species which keeps you alive. One less plant is one less unit of oxygen produced. Doesn’t your heart bleed when a farmer uproots a plant from the Earth to fill your greedy stomach? You are killing the planet, veggie. So, don’t blame us. We are just trying to maintain the balance which you have disturbed by mindlessly butchering the plants.

Cows are happy because of their special privileges

My second problem is with Religious people. I like eating animals and so do a zillion inhabitants of this planet and I do not like someone mixing religion in my food. It has a very bitter taste and makes me spit my food. Yes, I have eaten a lot of species like hens, goats, pigs, fish, prawns, turkey, crabs, ducks, rabbits and cows. Now you object to my eating cows. What about the other animals? Don’t you think they will feel terribly left out by your racist behavior? Do we really need to have the reservation system in animals also? Prawns cannot take out a procession but if they could, they would have filled the intricate clockwork at Jantar Mantar in no time. Delhi would have been brimming with prawns demanding an explanation of the communal divide you have created. Goats would have sat outside the President’s palace in millions to demand an explanation as to why the cows are allowed to snort at them? What makes you think that a fish is less capable and noteworthy than a cow? Do you think God bestowed special privileges on a cow? Did God come and whisper that in your poking-ly overzealous religious ears?

My third problem is with people who are vegetarian and religious. Frankly guys, you are the ones who whine the most. I can’t handle you, just like I can’t handle Splitsvilla, Rakhi Sawant and Dolly Bindra. Yes, you are that unbearable. All I can say to you is that I don’t care what you eat and expect the same from you. For all I care, you can go and eat a leather jacket. Oh wait! Isn’t that non vegetarian? Is it all right for you to wear a dead animal in the name of fashion?

Sad prawn

My fourth problem is with anti-beef non vegetarians. Dude! Are we not supposed to be in the same gang, something like the blood sucking vampires against humans? Are we not supposed to stick together? Believe me, if tomorrow you develop a taste for whale brain, I will not cringe my nose at you. Its your mouth and it’s not my whale. I expect a similar behaviour from you when I mention the B word. And what’s all this no-non-vegetarian-on-Tuesdays-because-Gods-will-get-angry thing? You really believe in that shit? If this is true then I don’t know about you but Gods must be crazy.

I request all the vegetarian, religious, vegetably religious and anti-beef non vegetarians(ABNV) to back off. I care two hoots about your religious sentiments or what you eat. I cannot care about the sentiments of people who have blood of plants and humans on their hands (does not apply to ABNV), who care more about a cow than an accident victim lying helplessly on a road and bleeding to death. Please show more enthusiasm to help humans than cows. Also, I do not appreciate people who make faces as they disapprovingly sniff my plate filled with fleshy food. If you do not like what I eat, close your eyes and stop breathing. Stop choking me with your religious rope made of dead plants.

[Images from 1,2,3]
2017-11-11T00:38:50+00:00 Tags: , , , , , , , |

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016.
Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping.
He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

10 Comments

  1. Reema April 18, 2012 at 4:45 pm - Reply

    “Stop choking me with your religious rope made of dead plants.” loved that sentence in fact the entire post..my thoughts exactly! I simply detest those people who cringe their faces while looking at your plate or deliver sermons or worse describe how looking at egg burji made them wanting to puke (a Jain friend did that). I too feel like puking when I see lauki or karela but I dont go about describing it or forbidding you to eat it!

    • Amit April 20, 2012 at 12:47 am - Reply

      Thanks Reema. Although I do understand that sometimes vegetarians can’t see someone eating meat but they could be a bit dignified in their reactions.

  2. Destination Infinity April 19, 2012 at 8:34 pm - Reply

    ** We are just trying to maintain the balance which you have disturbed by mindlessly butchering the plants ** – Silliest logic I have ever come across on this topic.

    I am a vegetarian and when I was in Coimbatore, all of us in the office went to a non-vegetarian restaurant. I was the only one in the group who was a veggie. The group spend around 15 minutes trying to convince me to eat non-veg!

    Why do people do that? It’s actually quite similar to what you are experiencing – thrusting our point of view/habits on others. Which is obviously wrong.

    Destination Infinity

    • Amit April 20, 2012 at 1:21 am - Reply

      Of course it is silly. I think it was quite obvious taking into account the tone of the post. 🙂

  3. Maddie April 19, 2012 at 11:56 pm - Reply

    Awesome post Amit…I have also experienced the disappointing looks from vegetarians for eating non-veg so much so that one friend/colleague used to sit at another table if I got non-veg for lunch. Do you know that if everyone turned vegetarian the planet would loose its vegetation? Also our teeth and intestines are structured to eat meat and flesh. But enough of gyaan.
    I fall in the ABNV category though. 🙂

    • Amit April 20, 2012 at 1:25 am - Reply

      Thanks Maddie. Yeah, I have also gone through the setting on other table routine. I am actually fine with it. At least I will not be able to see the person making faces. 🙂
      It’s all right to be in the ABNV category. A lot of my friends are in that category and I don’t mind it till someone starts giving me gyan on the benefits of being in that category.

  4. Dr Roshan Radhakrishnan May 22, 2012 at 3:22 am - Reply

    as a purely anti-fanatic, beef eating Hindu, can just say this – High Five !! That’s telling it like it is. And exactly.. why are prawns not getting their religious protection 🙂 What harm did they do to mankind that made them okay to eat, but cows became pure… heck, sure they’re pure.. purely yummy !!

    • Amit May 22, 2012 at 1:10 pm - Reply

      Thanks Dr Roshan. 🙂 I find it really stupid when people talk of protecting a certain set of animals while chewing another set. People can do whatever they want but they should not take the rest of us, who can see through their stupidity, as dumb.

  5. pixie June 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm - Reply

    Its funny! I’m a vegetarian. And I have see both sides – non-veg folks making fun of the veg folks and turning their nose down and vice versa. Veg folks going all religious and holier-than-thou on the non-veggies.
    But, the funniest – A friend of mine is a hardcore non-veg person. She loves meat and when she mentioned that, a guy in my previous team raised his eyebrows in surprise and said – “Oh! You like and eat chicken?! But, you are a girl no?!”
    She was like – WTF?! I was like – “What does that have to do with anything?!”
    Sheesh!! 🙄

    • Amit June 10, 2012 at 10:36 pm - Reply

      Yes, I agree but I have seen very few non-vegetarians turn nasty.
      Hahaha! So, girls are not supposed to eat chicken? He should meet my family then. He will probably faint.
      See, you have to accept the fact that some people are born dumb and you can’t do anything about it. 🙂

Leave a Reply