How do we react when we come across a woman who is middle aged, successful and not married?

How do we react when we come across a person who is gay/lesbian?

How do we react when we come across a couple who have remarried in old age?

Most of us react in the most inexplicable manner. The reaction starts with amazement and passes to confusion and ends up in a recoil of horror or disgust. We are so much used to live in our own contrived world that a slight deviation lands us in a state of utter bewilderment. We just can’t accept a person who does not think like us and who lives a life which is not considered “normal” by any standard of society. People want other people to be like them and if they don’t succeed then they turn really nasty.

The three instances which I have stated above are too big for many to digest. People cant’ even digest “slight” deviations. As a kid, I was more interested in reading books rather than playing cricket. My Physical Education teacher was a lady who just could not understand me. She always looked at me with such resentful eyes as if I was a pig who just got out of a pool of scum. She tried her best to defame me in the school as I was the topper but I never gave a hoot. I just could not understand that why was I forced to do something in which I was not interested? And why couldn’t she digest the fact that there can be a boy who does not like to play cricket? In such situations, a person turns towards his friends and parents where he expects support and encouragement. Can you imagine the trauma when he finds none? Thankfully, this was not the case with me.

Anyways, this was just a small example. I have known four women who are middle aged, chose to remain unmarried and had fabulous careers. When people are told about such women, they invariably end up making fun of them.

“Oh!! There must be some medical problem. Or maybe she was ditched and she turned into a man-hater. *giggles* “

People just can’t accept the fact that a woman/man can feel complete and satisfied even if she/he does not marry. The person might have a different definition of “Satisfaction” which most of us fail to acknowledge or understand. Its not really hard but many of us don’t have that dimension in our thought process.

A few days back I was having a discussion with a close friend of mine and we were discussing the Gay Pride March which happened in Delhi. My friend asked me that how would I react if one fine day I find out that one of my close friend is gay? This is how our talk went –

Me – Why do I need to react?
Friend – Because its not normal.
Me – What is normal then?
Friend – A girl and a boy falling in love. That’s normal.
Me – Who decides that?
Friend – That’s the way things are.
Me – And who decides that?
Friend – I don’t get your point.
Me – Why should I care about what a person do in his bedroom and what are his sexual preferences as long as I am not asked to get involved? If he is a dear friend then he will remain one. I am no one to decide how a person leads his life. Its his life. I can’t point out fingers at a person who is just living his life his own way. There are many people in this world who do things like killing people, raping innocents, robbing others of their land and money and fooling a whole nation. I would like to point my finger at them.
Friend – Errrr…I don’t know. Guess I will leave him.
Me – Congratulations. You are a part of a vast majority.

Most of us think that nature did not intended it to happen that way but lets not be God and slap our decisions on others. A human must have the right to live the way he wants to as long as he is not hurting anyone. And lets not make fun of people who don’t share our thinking.

We don’t find anything wrong when someone gives or takes Dowry. We don’t find anything wrong when we bribe an officer to get our work done. We don’t find anything wrong when we do illegal constructions on our houses. But we don’t leave any stone unturned to make the life of a person miserable who does not wish to become an Engineer or a Doctor or a person who falls in love at the age of 50 or a couple who decide not to have a baby.

All of us feel bad when someone takes a dig at us but we don’t think twice before disparaging someone. No one likes to be mistreated and told that you don’t fit in. Fit in where? Forming an opinion is good but lets have a rational and logical thinking behind one. Telling a mother that her daughter is a burden and needs to be disposed off(married) as soon as possible is the worst kind of insult you can inflict on anyone. Similarly, telling your son that he has brought disgrace on the family because he is inclined towards a career which is not of your liking is a form of mental abuse.

Lets not turn “being different” into a misfortune for the person. Lets not inflict anxiety, depression and anger on someone when we, as parents and friends, can become the person’s real strength. Lets not make fun of people who, according to our dogmatic and sectarian thinking process, don’t fit in. Lets not be the spiteful, purposeless chauvinists we were never meant to be and give some respect to the fellow humans.

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016. Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping. He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

76 Comments

  1. Lekhni July 28, 2008 at 6:00 am - Reply

    Nice post. It’s unfortunate that even women, when they come across/ hear about a single woman who is 30+, will immediately jump to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with her that chases men away 🙁 I mean, it’s bad enough when men do it, but surely other women should be more understanding.

    The funny part is, some of these women would be facing the reality of an unhappy marriage themselves! Why can’t they relate to someone who chooses against marriage?

  2. vishesh July 28, 2008 at 7:23 am - Reply

    nice post man…lol i just opened my reader to check the updates before leaving to school…and being different caught my eye 🙂 anyway i agree it is tough for ppl to accept when someone is different…For you it is being a nerd,for me it is being a guy with totally different ideas….

    I personally hate it when guys keep making fun of each other by calling each other gay…i mean the way the tell it ,it shows homophobia….i have tried to correct them,but then they start picking on me….

    As you said let people do what they want,as long as they aren’t affecting anyone…

  3. xylene July 28, 2008 at 8:30 am - Reply

    Kid not playing cricket… haha, same here dude and I faced a similar problem at school.
    🙂
    People can’t digest things that are different. If things are ‘normal’ (their definition of being normal) they are cool, else they freak out.
    One another example is ‘love marriages’, people still consider ‘arranged marriage’ as ‘normal’. I mean more than half the world doesn’t follow that. Yet they call people in love and getting married as something errr ‘not ‘NORMAL’

    people can’t digest spinsters or bachelors. There is nothing like YOU have to get MARRIED when YOU are 25-30. Who decide that age? and then they call it ‘normal’???

  4. Anand July 28, 2008 at 8:34 am - Reply

    I don’t think there is some slab in the universe on which God inscribed what is right and what is wrong, what is moral or immoral, what is fair or unfair. Its the people who attach those insipid connotations with every other event/activity.

    People who try to break free from the customs are surely treated obnoxiously by their fellows, but I guess they have the will to fight that behavior or else they would not have walked on that path in the first place.

  5. Vijaya Bharat July 28, 2008 at 8:36 am - Reply

    Nice man. I accept every thing but going against nature is not good as per me. That shows that person is abnormal and makes harm to the society at some point. I think until unless u r not directly involved, not thinking about it is bad. I am not saying to insult or any thing but encouraging is not good. Which means not condemning comes under indirect encouraging as per me.

  6. Nita July 28, 2008 at 9:24 am - Reply

    Wonderful post and well written Amit. You have captured in essence the attitude of a conservative society. I guess we have not reached a stage where anything “different” is considered “exotic” and “interesting” which is also I guess a kind of an insult. We are the stage where we make fun of those who are different. I think it is because it frightens or scares us…not understanding that all of us are different in some way or the other, just that we all try to downplay it!
    Today I thank my parents for giving me an education that put me into contact with people of all religions, political leanings, colour and race because this had made me a more accepting person. However me accepting people of different kinds is ironically what makes me “different” 🙂 This is a difference I am very proud of although people raise their eyebrows!

  7. Abha July 28, 2008 at 10:43 am - Reply

    I agree and its great that you have written about all this…Though I remember myself not out casting or mis behaving with someone whom society would term as “abnormal”, but after reading this I have made a mental note of making sure that I do not do it ever.
    I remember there was one of my college colleagues who was a divorcee but jus that she is not mis-spoken off in the college she chose to tell everbdy that her husband was in US. And after a yr and half when her husband didn’t returned, she was looked at with disgust. I used to be her gud friend and I could see resentment for me too amongst the lot . … as if i cared!!
    nice post!!

  8. lallopallo July 28, 2008 at 11:46 am - Reply

    Amit, that was a sensitive post. All I say about people, who cant accept things or people which are outside the ‘norm’, is that they are yet to evolve. I just sympathize with their moral and intellectual bankruptcy.
    Anybody who thinks that his life is ‘normal’ and certain people’s not is living in a fool’s world. The fact remains that there is nothing called normal. Nobody is normal. And, the fact is that seen from a certain perspective, the so called most ‘normal’ people live extremely ridiculous lives. So, who cares what these self proclaimed normal people think. They never had or never will contribute anything towards the evolution of society.
    It’s good that you have the maturity now to not to get affected by this ‘normal’ society around you.

  9. Nikhil July 28, 2008 at 12:00 pm - Reply

    I can stand any amount of being different, but I don’t know why I just can’t stand homosexuals!! It’s probably wired into my inner circuitry that being gay is against nature’s intentions! Sue me, but I’ll stick my opinions! 😀
    Good post!

  10. SAM July 28, 2008 at 12:27 pm - Reply

    Sensitive Post Amit.. but very true being honest I myself found it very strange when I came to know that u don’t like sports much or you are not interested at all in current affairs etc.. but I think there is a lot to it that builds a person’s perspective.. You are really Lucky that despite spending your time with people having similar views to the “Vast Majority” you happen to be different, having a perspective of your own or having a world of your own.. I guess as kids everyone has that but over the time that Shell is broken by the hard hitting influence of the society or the competition.. You were excellent in studies which gave a Forcefield to your Shell .. but if you were average , then you could have been the part of this Blind Race.. Sometimes I just dream if the world can be one happy place everyone living together to make it a better place but somehow they are shattered by my own horrors.. I just hope that my dream turns to reality someday.. 🙂
    But the perspective has begun to change and if the fundamentalists were not there, it would be a lot different right now.. I remember how the theatres are attacked , when they screen movies like water or how the sets of Fire were attacked.. well its only going to change if we “the new generation” step into politics and turn it into a real democracy where everyone can do it there own way and perspective gets broadened up..

  11. sujani July 28, 2008 at 12:31 pm - Reply

    hi amit..
    very nce blog esp the part when ppl say the daughters are a burden and need to b married off.very true and the worst part is tht there is no check on these nagging tongues. There is no way u can change this vast majority of ppl.

  12. Suda July 28, 2008 at 2:50 pm - Reply

    You must be feeling all these things for long as the post is clear and long enough to explain everything you wanted to say.
    I don’t understand why people fail to *understand* their own son/daughter!!!! I forgot count of how many times I have tried counseling parents for sake of their children whom they underestimate. Most of them didn’t hear a word from me because I was very young. Some of them listened to me seriously and I am glad they treated their children competently afterwards.

    Don’t you think the person, who is victim of the bad treatment, should learn to somehow defend the attacks? I know one should not care about what world says, but sometimes one can’t just risk being left aside or behind just because he/she is different!!!!

  13. Reema July 28, 2008 at 11:07 pm - Reply

    I have always believed in live and let live. And this sentence -A human must have the right to live the way he wants to as long as he is not hurting anyone.- truly portrays what i believe in. All the examples u have cited are very true and in fact I have written a post on women not wanting to become mothers. I fail to understand why is it essential to conform to a set of social norms and standards to be labeled normal/good; be in studies or career or personal life. Wonderful post.

  14. Reema July 28, 2008 at 11:08 pm - Reply

    And oh nice header image!!

  15. megcloud9 July 28, 2008 at 11:38 pm - Reply

    2 kinds of ppl anywhere in this world-one-who oppose everything ,two-who agree to everything said …we need to jump right in between the two and learn to shed inhinbitions .

    fantastic post

  16. arvind July 29, 2008 at 2:01 am - Reply

    wonderful post..
    accepting the deviations is the need of the hour…
    when some from science stream takes BSC here (not in delhi)
    says what the hell ?? are u MAD take IT..
    i have seen this..
    I wont care whatever they are unless they dont intimidate me 😉

  17. S July 29, 2008 at 9:19 am - Reply

    If i say “exactly my thoughts” than that wus be sufficient as your posts echoes my thoughts.

    We always pride ourselves in siding with the society but we always choose to pick up things that suit our needs.

    I have always believed in the principle of be & let be. Every individual is different and that shud be respected.

    I have frenz who are always saying being gay is not proper as it is againts nature. I ask how does it matter to us? It is their life & if something else makes them happy then let them be.

    And when it comes to remaining single, it is the issue closest to my heart. I just wish our society becomes much more tolerant & open minded….

  18. S July 29, 2008 at 9:31 am - Reply

    Am adding you to my blog rill, hopw its ok with you

  19. Manoj July 29, 2008 at 10:33 am - Reply

    A very good one, Amit. See the amount of interest it evoked. Well, even I didn’t play cricket as a kid 🙂 I preferred reading and writing. And yes, it is time that we accept anyone as is. There used to be a program called “Zindagi Live” telecasted in TV18 (CNN-IBN). It brought up many of these issues. I guess these “differences” were there even in ancient India. it is only now that people are being increasingly aware of. And yes, let them be themselves.

  20. Sivakami July 29, 2008 at 12:43 pm - Reply

    Hi Amit,

    Interesting post which made me think for a while….

    I do agree with you … one should never interfere in someone else life…. But when it comes to our dear ones such as friends, children or parents…. Advices / Opinions should be taken into count…

  21. sulz July 29, 2008 at 6:44 pm - Reply

    nice post indeed! i always try to understand people who have different views than i do, but sometimes i fail because it’s hard to do that. it’s easier to judge because it’s harder to empathise.

    i won’t stop trying though!

  22. wasshappening July 29, 2008 at 10:45 pm - Reply

    Live and let live…The society is so standardized these days…Its difficult to find a Brad minded individual…
    Nice post!
    🙂

  23. Amit July 30, 2008 at 12:01 am - Reply

    @Lekhni : Thanks. 🙂 Its so ironical when a woman gossip about other women when they are having problems in their own houses. Guess, we are made that way but it do get on the nerves at times. All some women do is sleep, cook and gossip to spend their lives.

    @Vishesh : Yes, whats totally wrong for me might be totally right for you. Its just about seeing things by someone else perspective which sadly we are very bad at doing.

    @Xylene : Good to know that I was not alone. 🙂 In case of love marriages, people still think that the girl’s character might not be very good if its a love marriage. And don’t talk about bachelor man!!! I am going through that shit. 😐

    @Anand : Its about what you would love to do. Its not about just being a maverick. Yes, God never created right or wrong. He just created us. That was more than enough for all the “looniness”. 🙂

    @Vijaya Bharat : How do you know that an action can be categorized as “going against nature”? Who has defined a division between the actions which are in sync and out of sync with nature?

  24. Amit July 30, 2008 at 12:02 am - Reply

    @Nita : Thanks Nita. 🙂 I could somehow never understand how so much well educated and well brought up people tend to be so conservative? I think being open to different ways of living needs something more, although I can’t place my finger on what it should be. True, that education and upbringing do play a vital role but there has to be something else too which just opens a door in your brain. When you become more open and tolerant.

    @Abha : I would be so happy if the post could affect someone and make the person more sensitive. 🙂 And its really sad about your friend but she should have never cared in the first place.

    @Lallopallo : Yes, I completely agree with you. We all have a certain degree of absurdness in our lives but we have a frog in the well mentality.

    @Nikhil : To each his own. 🙂 I guess actions(if they are harmless) should not be judged as right or wrong but should be evaluated by asking a simple question – Is the person happy doing that? That is the crux of it all.

    @Sam : I was not interested in current affairs? That’s a new one. 😀 The attack on the theatres was something beyond my understanding. The people who were there to watch the movie were adults I guess and were not drugged too. Well, there are many things which need to be shrugged off with a “whatever”. 🙂 We can always watch it on TV.
    And the world can never be a happily ever after. It won’t work. 🙂

  25. Amit July 30, 2008 at 12:03 am - Reply

    @Sujani : Thanks. 🙂 Well, I have actually seen this happening. Its disgusting.

    @Suda : Yes, the person should know where to draw the line. You can’t always keep on listening to people. Everyone has a right to be respected. But most of the people just go into a shell and waste their lives…

    @Reema : Thanks. 🙂 Live and let live. Yes, that is the moral of the story. 🙂 Now a days, more and more people are breaking from the norm,but unfortunately, the age old customs cannot be wiped out in one stroke. It would take time and a lot of courage. And thanks again for the Header. 😀

    @Megcloud9 : Well said. 🙂

    @Arvind : I did exactly that. I know what you mean. 🙂

  26. Amit July 30, 2008 at 12:04 am - Reply

    @S : Thanks for your visit. 🙂 Welcome to my blog. And yes you are most welcome to add me to your blogroll. 🙂

    @Manoj : Thanks. 🙂 Oh!!! One more who didn’t play cricket. 🙂 Being aware is important. It just opens up the mind and let out the foul thoughts. 🙂

    @Sivakami : Yes, I agree that opinions should be considered but they should not be imposed. 🙂

    @Sulz : Thanks. 🙂 One should never stop trying. Atleast you would end up influencing a few people around you if not the whole lot. 🙂 Its amusing how a majority of youngsters think. They are just an image of their elders with the same set of old ideologies. Education is not a strong enough force to break the barrier.

    @Wassheppening : Thanks a lot. 🙂 Yes I agree with you and I am sure you meant “broad” and not “brad” as in “Brad Pitt” who would be indeed difficult to find. 😆

  27. Maddie July 30, 2008 at 10:12 am - Reply

    I think it has got more to do with being uncomfortable with change in the set pattern. People are conservative and like to live life in a certain pattern. Any change or deviation leads to insecuirty. Also, we Indians can be very staunch and orthodox when it comes to issues such as homosexuality and marriages. And we also cannot help but poke our nose in other’s matters. I have observed here in Singapore that anybody hardly bother about other people around here. Nobody will raise an eyebrow if a woman is wearing shorts or micro mini skirts or a burka or a saree. They are into their own thing.

  28. Prax July 30, 2008 at 11:06 am - Reply

    very nicely put – the feeling is mutual

  29. Nikhil July 31, 2008 at 12:16 pm - Reply

    True, but many a time, people are really “happy” doing things they shouldn’t be doing!! 😉

  30. ish July 31, 2008 at 8:43 pm - Reply

    Yeah, it always happens like that. In everything. You were studious so your teacher thought you were weird because you didn’t play. Similarly whenever someone calls me and asks me what I’m studying and I tell them, they think I’m weird to not have done engineering. Society makes certain rules and everybody is expected to follow them. Gays, Lesbians are not normal. People who are not doing engineering are not normal so on and so forth. And I have always hated this. One should be allowed to do what one wants to do and not what the society wants him to do. As Paulo Coelho said, we all come for some purpose. But most of us, while growing up, forget that purpose and that is because people think we’re weird if we wish to do something different. Something out of the damned ordinary.

  31. Amit July 31, 2008 at 11:02 pm - Reply

    @Maddie : The more developed a nation is, the more busy the people are and the interference in each others life is less. I think we would reach the stage but not very soon.

    @Prax : Thanks. 😀

    @Nikhil : But if the act is harmless, we don’t have any right to question. 😛

    @Ish : The rules. The rules. Yes. We follow them like a herd of sheep without trying to find out the need. But I see a lot of change around me. Its painfully slow, but its coming. Hope floats. 🙂

  32. karmalove August 1, 2008 at 1:00 am - Reply

    really nice post..and something i totally agree with. Society has come up with very rigid standard..and any deviations from it is looked down upon without much thought. An open mind and acceptance is key here…

    life would be a whole lot easier if people could stop judgin and lookin down upon people who are different from them…

  33. Withering Willow August 1, 2008 at 10:08 am - Reply

    great post! I am glad we do have a bunch of minds who think away from the crowd and are open and receptive towards the changes.

    Its high time we stop defining what is normal, what is usual… every human being has the right to live by his/her choice. If we all abide by this idea this world would become a beautiful place to live.

  34. Sakhi August 1, 2008 at 1:14 pm - Reply

    Too good man! Kudos to you! 🙂 absolutely agree with you, can’t infringe on anybody’s personal choices! be it sexual or any other! 🙂

    once again, absolutely wonderful psot!

    And i had forgotten to add you to my blogroll 🙁

    doing that now 🙂

  35. Lively August 1, 2008 at 1:59 pm - Reply

    Hi Amit, You’ve hit the nail right on the head. It was as if I’m reading my own mind on your blog. It is still a reality that the vast majority of people who make for the (so called)society are still conventional in thinking. Hope things change for better and soon.
    BTW I dropped in from Manoj’s blog.

  36. Liju Philip August 1, 2008 at 2:33 pm - Reply

    I got married at 32 and i have had got enough stares, comments and queries on my orientation as to why i stayed single so long. I believe the reason for such behaviour is because mostly people are forced to do things by people/society and they simply cant bear the fact that there are people who have managed to resist those pressures and can want to do things at their own pace and leisure.

  37. Ashish August 1, 2008 at 4:49 pm - Reply

    Great post! 🙂

    Good work on the theme. This one looks good and has better formatting than your old one. 🙂

  38. Oxy August 1, 2008 at 8:56 pm - Reply

    How do we react when we come across a woman who is middle aged, successful and not married?

    I know exactly 2 such ladies. One personally and other an online friend and they both are content with their lives and I do not see any reason whatsoever this calls for any reaction from me.

    How do we react when we come across a person who is gay/lesbian?

    I roam in circle which consist of people having alternate lifestyle and some of them are my best friends. Once again, I do not react like as you said vast majority reacts.

    Some similar conversation happened with a friend of mine back in college days which resulted in him confessing he is homophobic and doesn’t like me hanging around with ‘such people’ and that was end of association with this friend of mine. I respect his decision, if he is homophobic fine with me but then why dictate whom should I make friends and whom I should not.

    How do we react when we come across a couple who have remarried in old age?

    I have never come across any such couple but I am sure that would be my least concern if I am comfortable sharing my thoughts with them and if I am able to connect to them.

    Good Post.

    Oxy

  39. Amit August 1, 2008 at 11:10 pm - Reply

    @Karmalove : Welcome to my blog. 😀 Just following the herd would leave no difference between us and animals. As you rightly said, an open mind is the key.

    @Withering Willow : Thanks a lot. 🙂 Yes, that should be the motto – to live in a happy and peaceful world.

    @Sakhi : Thanks Sakhi. I also have to add a loooot of people to my blogroll. 🙂 Including you.:P

    @Lively : Hi. Welcome. 😀 I am happy that there are so many people who agree with me. 🙂

    @Liju : Yes I know. There are so many factors related to marriage but people only underline the age. Its really sad. The worst part is that people give in under such pressures.

    @Ashish : Thank you. 🙂 Well..err..I haven’t done much work on the theme. Just changed the header. 😛

    @Oxy : Thanks a lot and welcome to the blog. 😀 Even I have not come across such a couple. Old people don’t even think along such lines because of the stigma attached to it. Its a shame.

  40. harshasrisri August 1, 2008 at 11:14 pm - Reply

    Being different is not considered to be a way of life in current day society…. not that it was tolerated before, but the focus on things like single parenthood, staying late as spinster/bachelor, etc are getting more eyeballs popped out… all thanks to the innovative lifestyles adopted by people and the widespread media coverage…
    whats the use of living in a democracy then? where is the right to live the way we want? and speak more about it and the government too will jump on you…
    cant they understand that unless they cause harm or social disharmony, its absolutely normal to have such people amongst us…?

    some people have forsaken their married lives for noble causes… like… lata mangeshkar in the interest of her fans fearing any damage to her voice post marriage… and Dr Abdul Kalam for reasons best known to him… why are these people not bizarre…? god knows y…! and we shud be contented with guesses i believe…

  41. Vijaya Bharat August 2, 2008 at 7:06 am - Reply

    See this and tell me ….

    http://www.avert.org/origins.htm
    http://www.originofaids.com/

    Do u think this is normal or abnormal ?

  42. Amit August 2, 2008 at 11:26 am - Reply

    @ Harshasrisri : I guess, if you are famous then its ok to do anything. After a point, people won’t dare to bother you. We live in some sort of a “limited” Democracy. 🙂

    @Vijaya Bharat : I fail to get your point. Both the links give theories regarding the origin of AIDS. They are all theories and speculations. The theories emphasize the point that sometime in the last century, the virus crossed species. Please read the first link very carefully again. It gives a number of reasons for AIDS to appear.
    And this post is not just about Gay men. That was just a part of the post.

  43. harshasrisri August 2, 2008 at 1:38 pm - Reply

    @Amit: Well coined term – “limited Democracy”! very true…

  44. Rahul August 2, 2008 at 2:15 pm - Reply

    Wonderful post.
    Very true when u say ……”People can’t even digest “slight” deviations”.

  45. sneha August 2, 2008 at 2:18 pm - Reply

    most people esp in india have double standards. i was contemplating how to put this idea out in words, while this post pretty much echoes it.
    impressive!

  46. rambodoc August 2, 2008 at 4:25 pm - Reply

    After 42 comments, what can I say?!
    Bravo!
    🙂

  47. rambodoc August 2, 2008 at 4:26 pm - Reply

    Oh, 46!

  48. allirekha August 3, 2008 at 12:37 pm - Reply

    O ! yeah ! its always different being different 😀

    nice header! 🙂

  49. Amit August 3, 2008 at 10:15 pm - Reply

    @ Harshasrisri : 🙂
    @Rahul : Thanks. 🙂
    @Sneha : Thanks Sneha and welcome to the blog. 🙂
    @Rambodoc : Thanks. 🙂
    @Allirekha : Thanks. 🙂

  50. Vijaya Bharat August 4, 2008 at 8:52 pm - Reply

    I know the post is not about gay men especially. But our conversation is going on about going against the nature. I supported your post but not the specific point in my first comment itself. And do u want proofs for all ? By the time we find proofs, many lives may disappear from earth !!

  51. Deepti August 4, 2008 at 10:28 pm - Reply

    I too realized after reading this that sometime when we see different things or people, it just amazes us so much ,that we end up making the other person concious.The other day, I was eating at Taco Bell , and I saw an Indian female , in all her indian attire(sindoor ,bindi etc) with a 4-5 yr old kid.Now what i expetced to see was a middle aged, pot bellied yuppie of a husband whos come to ‘amrika’ for want of money.What i actually saw was a black will smith kinda looking man in jeans n t, speaking fluent tamil with the kid.I was just not expecting this combination. But , even when people differ, at the core we all are the same. I mean , that couple there loved thier kid as much as any other person all over the world would do!

  52. Amit August 4, 2008 at 11:37 pm - Reply

    @Vijaya Bharat : Are you suggesting that AIDS spread because men started having sex with men? If there are proofs regarding this then I would definitely love to see them. And do remember the difference between speculations and proved theories. The link which you left gave a number of theories for the origin of AIDS. Do read that carefully.

    @Deepti : We are used to a certain way in which the world behaves. But if there is a deviation then we must have the brains to accept that. A very nice example. 🙂

  53. Vijaya Bharat August 6, 2008 at 12:06 am - Reply

    I think it took centuries to prove some speculations made by some geniuses in history 🙂 Some times speculations and believes are important to go forward in life. Who proved God is there ? Why millions are believing in God including you ? What is the proof that some thing happens when u see that striped shirt ? Many things dont have proofs.

  54. Amit August 11, 2008 at 9:55 pm - Reply

    @Vijaya Bharat : Exactly my point. When you don’t have proof that what the other person is doing is harmful, then you must leave the person alone and mind your own business. 🙂

  55. Vijaya Bharat August 12, 2008 at 5:40 am - Reply

    Ok baba. Me too told first itself that we r not supposed to harass but for me not condemning comes under indirect support. Thats where I am not agreeing with u. Any way after any number of conversations also, I dont think we cant compramise in this point 🙂 Do u know from chennai 15 people came to Colombia 🙂

  56. Amit August 12, 2008 at 9:57 pm - Reply

    @Vijaya Bharat : Ok. Peace!!! To each his own. 🙂 15 People!!!! We will talk about this on Orkut. 😀

  57. Aaarti August 12, 2008 at 11:20 pm - Reply

    I hve to say this is one of the few blog posts that i’ve come across that made me smile.. actually grin from ear to ear!!!!

    Welll written and awesome logic… i am one of those few who choose to be different and i have my own reasons for being the way i am and that is what i proudly tell those who point at me or poke fun… they get it !! and dont dare say anything..
    they mite label me rude, or too outspoken, but hey, thats me!! so take it or shove off 😀

    am gonna be coming around more often around here… 😀

  58. Amit August 13, 2008 at 10:20 pm - Reply

    @Aaarti : People who are different are often labeled rude because they soon become tired of explaining things to people all the time or are exhausted by the way they are used as punching bags all the time.
    Ironically, those very people call them rude who have forced them to behave that way. Sad!!!
    Thanks for visiting. I will visit your blog too. Please give me some time. 😀

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  60. Priyank August 23, 2008 at 12:51 pm - Reply

    Lovery post Amit, and so close to heart 🙂

  61. Amit August 24, 2008 at 8:49 pm - Reply

    @Priyank : Hey!! Thanks Priyank. 🙂

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  63. Neha October 11, 2008 at 7:10 pm - Reply

    Truly love the way u write. You have inspired me a lot.

  64. Sindhu October 11, 2008 at 9:10 pm - Reply

    Great entry. I have gay friends who are dear to me, I know middle-aged women with successful careers who aren’t yet married, and seen old people remarry as they deem appropriate. None of it has made me judge them or question their decisions. What they decide to do with their lives is their personal right. It does not reflect or deflect the innate ‘goodness’ of their character, contrary to society’s popular belief.

  65. Amit October 12, 2008 at 9:49 am - Reply

    @Neha : Thanks Neha. 🙂 And Welcome to the blog. 🙂

    @Sindhu : Thanks. 🙂 Yes, its a very personal choice and its for nobody but the person to decide. But, we, as a society love to meddle. Its in our genes and genetic changes take a long time to happen. 🙂

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  67. shail November 18, 2008 at 1:46 pm - Reply

    Excellent post that reflects my own thinking.

  68. Destination Infinity November 18, 2008 at 8:46 pm - Reply

    There are certain things for which we need society to put a bar. To judge the standards. To judge right and wrong. If we never had any such standards, guidelines, minimum acceptable criterion, I would do what I think is right and Raj Thakeray would do what he thinks is right! There are no universally wrong and right concepts. They are perceptions. Since everyone has their own perceptions, the majority one prevails. That is the basis of forming and living in a society.

    If I am convinced that I am doing the right thing, I would not even be bothered about what some one says about me. I would, if I have the slightest dilemma.

    Destination Infinity

  69. Amit November 18, 2008 at 10:02 pm - Reply

    @Shail : Thanks and Welcome! 🙂

    @Destination Infinity : Welcome to my blog! 🙂
    I am very sure that what you have written is true. The society sometimes need to put a bar. But should you put a bar on a child who does not want to play cricket but wants to read books? How fair is that?
    Or should the society put a bar on a lady who does not want to get married?
    There are certain decisions which a society can’t take for an individual. If my decision does not hurt anyone and is in my best interest, I am free to take it.
    What Raj T did was something which affected thousands of people in a negative way. That was not something personal and harmless.

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  71. Indian Homemaker February 13, 2009 at 5:56 am - Reply

    Loved this post, linked it mine on gays and lesbians. Can’t believe I didn’t even know of this blog until recently …
    🙂

    @IHM : Thanks IHM! And the feeling is mutual! 🙂

  72. Manoj March 11, 2009 at 7:33 am - Reply

    In a recent weekend get-together with colleagues cum friends we had a debate on whether homosexuality has to be accepted. While I was okay with that under the premise of ‘live and let live’ policy, one of my friends was totally against it. he says it is just like any other disease related to mind and needs psychiatrist’s treatment. He argues that if one would not like to live with any other disease then why encourage people to live wih this disease of mind? Instead, he says, it should be nipped in the bud! Well, though I managed to counter argue somehow, I really did not know on what to answer for his question.

    • Amit March 13, 2009 at 2:49 am - Reply

      But then don’t he think that women who wear jeans are also mentally ill? That was not a part of our tradition and no one liked it when it initially came. There were so many things in the past which were considered right at that time but now when we think of them, they seem to be completely crazy.
      Your friend needs to come out of the prehistoric shell in which he is living. You could have asked him to check up the definition of disease in the dictionary. I am not sure if two men who are in love and live together happily can be categorized under “diseased”.

  73. Ashwin Baindur November 13, 2009 at 9:05 pm - Reply

    Amit, you made me think! Thank you forthat!

    Permit me to add some more cases – handicapped people; mentally challenged people; recently bereaved people; people afflicted by fatal diseases; people afflicted by gross disfigurement; very dark or albino people; people shorter or taller than normal.

    People react strangely – I think what we can best do is try to each change our own attitudes!

    I know this feeling – in the NDA as a guy who chased butterflies amidst a whole host of ‘macho’ and ‘hero’ types, I was the butt of many jokes! Takes moral courage to not conform!

    • Amit December 4, 2009 at 3:44 am - Reply

      Thanks Ashwin and welcome to my blog. 🙂

      And yes, I agree with your list. It seems that everyone who does not behave or appear as per a set parameters of “normal” is ridiculed. That is the way the world is.

  74. Ashwathy February 18, 2010 at 11:46 pm - Reply

    How do we react when we come across a woman who is middle aged, successful and not married?
    Possibly wonder what a day in her life is like. And then respect her for the choice she made and the guts she showed to stand by it.

    How do we react when we come across a person who is gay/lesbian?
    come across??? I have friends who are gay/lesbian. 🙂

    How do we react when we come across a couple who have remarried in old age?
    I encouraged both my parents to do that after they separated. Today they are both happily remarried to their respective partners.
    I rest my case 🙂

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