love-couple-in-the-night-1While I was watching “The Curious case of Benjamin Button“, there was something which amused me. Its not as if the movie seeded the thought in my mind, but yes, it did fanned it. I have discussed it with a lot of people since then, and the answers I got amused me more. No, I don’t have an answer myself, but then, I am always miserable while drawing “thin” lines between “what is” and “what should be”. 

When Benjamin was growing up small, he had affairs with a lot of women. Some were satiation of carnal desires with prostitutes, some were affairs with girls who were ready to validate their new found knowledge about the birds and the bees and there was one affair with a married woman, Elizabeth Abbott. But, then at the end of the day, he loved just one woman, Daisy. Even when he was having sex with so many women around the world, he knew that he always loved Daisy and returns to her finally. This brings me to my question – Are love and sex two different things? 

 No matter how incredulously illogical or deep my question might sound, I believe that the answer will depend on the country in which I am asking it. In India, for example, we think that love and sex should be inseparable. Years ago, I remember watching a TV show which dealt with the same question. Most of the people believed that you can’t have sex with a person if you don’t love him/her. It would be meaningless. I have heard people saying that they will only have sex with the person they marry. That is how a majority(99%) of Indians think. 

On the other hand, if I ask this question in a society where couples have sex with a variety of partners and sometimes live in together for months and “try” each other out before making a final decision, I would certainly be laughed at. Live in relationships are considered great because they are stress free and you are not bound by a single partner.

So what is it? Is it all right to be a virgin till 25 and wait to get married or fall in love to have sex OR is it all right to have sex with a lot of partners from the opposite gender to fall in love? I have known some people who think its a sin to have sex before marriage and I have known people who are in a live in relationship. They are two different set of happy people. All of us has the ability to be happy with what we have chosen, even when we are not happy with it. But then how much is too much? Its something similar to the debate about how women should dress. Its fine when we say that Purdah should be discouraged but are you all right with a naked woman walking on the street? You might say that if the woman does not have a problem they why should we? You might be right but does that naked woman make you uncomfortable? Do you wish that she would have worn some clothes? Well, that is what I am talking about. We do have an opinion about it all.

Let me try to understand this. From what I could gather, Sex is something like brushing your teeth or having a cup of tea. It is something which can be done, which can become an essential part of your life. On the other hand, love is a level up. It goes beyond the physicality, the animal instincts. Its foundation lies in the fact that you like a person beyond what can be seen with naked eyes. Sex just comes on the way. Its just an essential and integral part of love. Sex is animalism. Love is human. Having sex with a person a number of times cannot make you fall in love with him/her. 

How does your brain work? What seems right to you? Is it fine to change partners like clothes until you find the right fit? Or is it fine to wait to get married to fall in love? Is it all a game of patience and priorities OR is it just a matter of lack or presence of choices?

p.s. I was so glad that the director killed Benjamin Button when he was a baby. For a second, I thought that he would end up being a sperm!

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016. Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping. He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

97 Comments

  1. harsh March 8, 2009 at 3:57 pm - Reply

    Interesting questions !!! 😉 … I don’t know answer to anyone of them… 😀

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 1:38 am - Reply

      That’s honest at least! 😛

  2. deepsm25 March 8, 2009 at 4:13 pm - Reply

    Its a choice that one makes depending on what is making the other happy.! Some people perceive having sex to falling in love and then being happy while for some the process is the other way around! Definition of happiness varies from you to me and the rest! 🙂

    Good argument there buddy!

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 1:43 am - Reply

      Well, yes, but how is it with you? That is what I wanted to know. 🙂

      • Deeps March 11, 2009 at 3:43 pm

        I would need to be in love first to even get to the physical part…!

        Btw, how did you get this format of comments…I want the same on mine..? Is that the option of threaded comments the same thing????

      • Amit March 13, 2009 at 2:40 am

        I think you will be having some option under the “discussion” category.
        Thanks for sharing your point of view.

    • sneha panday August 21, 2011 at 1:49 pm - Reply

      i need true life partner but pata nhi kb mile gi meri dream girl ………….

  3. Perx March 8, 2009 at 6:01 pm - Reply

    99%? Really? Many of my friends believe in sex without the love part.. of course i’d believe u if u said that 100% women thought that sex and love are inseparable but I don’t think many men think so….

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 1:45 am - Reply

      Well, I know a few woman who don’t think like that! 🙂 I really think that love and sex are separable but can be combined once you find the right person. 🙂

      • harveen May 21, 2010 at 1:30 pm

        i agre with ua opinion..

    • harveen May 21, 2010 at 1:29 pm - Reply

      womens like 2 have sex with the person who loves thm no the person whm thy love… i blv ths!!!

      • ronel January 18, 2011 at 5:59 pm

        Love and sex are two different things. more people are accepting that in India these days than ever before.
        So, finally, you do have to cross over to love to be together.

  4. karmalove March 8, 2009 at 6:04 pm - Reply

    Love and sex are two different things. more people are accepting that in India these days than ever before.

    There a group of people who believe that the first person you “fall in love with” is the person they want to spend the rest of their live with and get married to. A sensible thing to do, and followed to the tee in a country like ours. But not anymore. People are with a few people before they settle down with the “right” one. As you mentioned, live in relationships are becoming more common. And so is pre-marital sex, in other words, the views on sex and its link with love are changing.

    Its just a matter of choice really. sex -pre or post marital- is all just the same, sex.

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 1:48 am - Reply

      Yes, I agree many people are accepting this but the number is quite small. The major cities comprise of a very small fraction of the total population. 🙂
      Leave alone villages, young generation in towns and cities have still a long way to go.

  5. oorja March 8, 2009 at 6:42 pm - Reply

    both are totally different thing. each can happen in absence of the other.

    lucky are those who get both together.

    in your question i can’t understand this. in case of changing partners are these people choosing the ‘right’ one on the bases of the best sex they had or the person he/she is..?

    so deciding a right partner involves more than sex. to be able to live together. that needs love.

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 1:52 am - Reply

      Yes, that is what I believe in too. And, I am not confused per se. Just asking what you think about it. 🙂 Well, while changing partners, people take into consideration all the pros and cons and sex is definitely a part of it. So, finally, you do have to cross over to love to be together.
      What I wanted to know is which path do you think is better?

  6. Indian Homemaker March 8, 2009 at 8:05 pm - Reply

    I think Oorja’s comment makes a lot of sense.

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 1:53 am - Reply

      Well, yes, but to reach a stage of being together and in love, there are two paths. What I wanted to know is that which path does your sensibilities allow you to take?

    • harveen May 21, 2010 at 1:32 pm - Reply

      i also agre wd u

  7. Final_Transit March 9, 2009 at 2:21 am - Reply

    Hi Amit,

    Sorry but I am confused about what you are confused about. 🙂

    Live-in relationship (this is a very Indian term) or co-habitation is an arrangement where a couple, intimately involved in each other (emotionally, physically), choose to live together. They have legal rights and obligations in many countries, responsibilities and commitment/understanding that is exactly similar to a married couple, just that they are not married. Marriage, afterall is a legal institution and nothing more than a societal title. Getting married doesn’t change you overnight if you don’t desire to change. So the question of live-in relationship v/s marriage does not arise since they are essentially the same relationship with different titles.

    Couples usually live together only after they are very sure of each other. At this point they have already ‘tried’ each other sufficiently (I’m using your words) and have almost decided to live together. Having sex with other partners at this stage is out of question, just like in a marriage, unless it is explicitly agreed, also just like in a marriage – very rare.

    If your question is about pre-marital sex, than that is a completely different topic. Note that pre-marital does not necessarily mean pre-marriage, but it also means pre-commitment. There are various forms of commitments – in Canada for example, a couple can declare themselves as being in a civil union (common-law partnership) after they have spent X years in cohabitation. They then enjoy the same rights and responsibilities as someone who is married. This route is often chosen by many couples (both – homosexual and heterosexual) for several reasons, for eg, many believe that ‘marriage’ has strong religious connotations and they don’t believe in using it. For homosexuals, it is a politically correct arrangement since the church is so hung up on the word ‘marriage’ and wants it to describe only heterosexual union.

    We have to stop attaching excessive importance to this title called ‘marriage’, most of married couples I’ve seen (esp in India) live together only because they are afraid of society and family.

    cheers 🙂

  8. Final_Transit March 9, 2009 at 2:25 am - Reply

    Oh I must add, the last time I read, Govt of Maharashtra was introducing a legislation that would confer almost the same rights on couples in a live-in relationship as that on married couples. There was lot of debate in the Marathi press. Not sure where it stands now. But you know me, I think its a step in the right direction towards making the society more open and free.

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 1:58 am - Reply

      Well, I am sorry if my post gave an impression that I am confused. I am not confused per se! 🙂 I just wanted to know what you all think. 🙂
      I completely agree with you that there should be laws to make things more open and free. If at the age of 18, a person is free to choose the government, then he must be surely free to choose the kind of life he would like to lead.
      As for the topic, I think, living with a person and trying to know her, fall in love and finally getting married is a more tempting option than the other one. No confusions! 🙂

  9. Chirag Chamoli March 9, 2009 at 12:13 pm - Reply

    Well, a personal question and each may have a different answer. If you are comfortable with the idea, go for it, if your now, don’t. Physical relationships are just a very much a need in everyone and some people associate it with emotions and others just with instincts. No of the answers’ is wrong or right.

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 2:01 am - Reply

      Right! So what would you do if you have a choice?

  10. Dev March 9, 2009 at 2:25 pm - Reply

    Now you have popped some ‘cruel’ questions on all of us to answer… I feel that its more of a matter of choice than that of society. But you have a valid point when you go on to show that its is that very society that shapes those choice of ours…hmm
    ….hhhmmmm…
    see…you got me confused again…
    will need more time to answer these questions 😉

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 2:12 am - Reply

      Yes, it is a bit confusing! Well, given a choice, what would you like to do?

  11. | Balu | March 9, 2009 at 2:48 pm - Reply

    Study says human beings have sex for pleasure.. so well yes its different from love. In India however, we are told to consider both to be the same saying its not in our culture to sleep around! Personally I don’t see anything wrong in people having a casual relationship as long as both the people involved are okay with it

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 2:13 am - Reply

      Yes, exactly. Its between those two people to lead their life the way they want to.

  12. sakhi March 9, 2009 at 4:53 pm - Reply

    sex is more like hunger… though not totally independent of love.

  13. Nikhil March 9, 2009 at 5:58 pm - Reply

    Um… I”m not gonna comment on this one… For obvious reasons 😉

  14. Smita March 9, 2009 at 7:05 pm - Reply

    Ahem!!!!

    I have no answers, like you I also have always miserable while drawing “thin” lines between “what is” and “what should be”

    PS Hope u don’t mind my picking up ur line 🙂

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 2:21 am - Reply

      Well, I am not completely miserable. That line was placed to bait you into telling your mind. 🙂 It seems that I have failed miserably! 🙁

  15. vishesh unni raghunathan March 10, 2009 at 10:19 am - Reply

    hmm…shouldn’t be egg?

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 2:21 am - Reply

      Well, not really. Can be either of them!

  16. Nita March 10, 2009 at 5:55 pm - Reply

    I agree when Priyank says that pre-marital sex and live in relationships are two different things. When you said that:
    “Live in relationships are considered great because they are stress free and you are not bound by a single partner.”
    I was not sure what you meant because a live-in relationship usually implies committment.
    About the other question about love and sex, well, it’s all very individual. If a person can separate the two and can do it with someone who is also separating the two then it can work out. The problem is that often one person cannot and the other can, and then a person might land up getting hurt.

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 2:24 am - Reply

      Yes, Live-in-relationship does apply commitment but somehow it gives a kind of freedom. Tomorrow, if anything goes horribly wrong, you don’t have to think twice.
      I think your last few lines sum up the situation pretty well!

      • Solilo March 13, 2009 at 6:51 am

        I think now even in live-in relationships one partner is supposed to pay alimony.

  17. Prax March 11, 2009 at 1:44 am - Reply

    V ery interesting and controvertial !

    I say, To each his own , even though many people may have similar opinions, there will always be people who think differently.. laws of attraction and sexuality are one of the most complex subjects one can discuss .. so each persons views will differ somewhat .. and net-net whatever done should be consensual.

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 2:25 am - Reply

      Controversial it is!
      Well, that is why I wanted to know how the people around me think about this topic!

  18. vimal March 11, 2009 at 3:04 am - Reply

    Amit, oh god, come back soon !!! You are getting spoilt in Manchester !!! 😉 Or give me ur mummas phone number !!

    arey, all this love, sex and the difference between them, everything sounds complicated ! 😀

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 5:42 am - Reply

      Haha! Believe me, the thoughts were exported from India alongside me. They were not created here. 🙂

  19. Vee March 11, 2009 at 4:01 am - Reply

    When it comes to such topics, my brain goes zoom zoom zappak….. but then my views do not go down quite well with most of the people, and I end up keeping it to myself..

    I so disagree to when you say “Sex is animalism. Love is human.” What the hell is that.. U mean to say humans indulge in sex because they are actually social animal and somehow they have to show they are social animal. It is not animalism or whatever is the correct word is. Also, it is not just an integral or essential part. It is much more beyond that. Love heals, and so does Sex. They cannot be put on the same level and be called for a debate. It is naive to even think like that.

    The questions you asked in the end is actually asking what works? fair skin or dark one? Moralists will say its not about skin, all that matters is person is nice but deep down majority of the people prefer fair skin. Similarly, people can yak about the fact that they look for love and sex is secondary but the top of their mind is already undressing the other person.

    • Amit March 11, 2009 at 5:50 am - Reply

      Humans indulge in love because they are social animals. That is one thing which differentiates us from animals. And its more about evolving with a person than healing. Its just that for some people love follows sex and for some the exact opposite happens. Yes, they are not in the same level and to emphasize this was the purpose of the post. What I wanted to know was that out of these two what works as the culmination point of a relationship for you?

  20. Manoj March 11, 2009 at 7:19 am - Reply

    Well, Sex is just one of the aspects in love. The answer for the arguement you opened, as you said, depends on each ones’ culture. I tink there would not be a generic answer for questions like this and like “is arranged marriage a better one or love?”. Interesting point though 🙂

    • Amit March 13, 2009 at 2:05 am - Reply

      Well, are you sure that it is an “aspect” and not an entirely different thing? You can have sex without falling in love and you can fall in love without having sex! 🙂

  21. Reema March 11, 2009 at 3:05 pm - Reply

    I had read this long ago but forgot to starmark it to comment later. Sorry for being so late here!

    Interesting debate and comments. I would just like to say as the example u gave of Brad Pitt, that would never work for me. I believe that one needs to be in love and committed to have physical relations, but its not necessary it may culminate in marriage so its better to step carefully cuz breakups after intimate relations just leaves a lot of emotional baggage. The casual dating scene shown in FRIENDS or SEX and the City or Hollywood movies just doesn’t go down well with me and my beliefs 🙂

    P.S. Ye blog ka kya rang kar dala. Plain pista aur butterscotch ka hybrid lag raha hai. Not to mention algae.

    • Amit March 13, 2009 at 2:17 am - Reply

      Yes, the comments are interesting. Aren’t they! Yes, I understand your point as a casual or a live in relationship make a lot of people uncomfortable. We are just not used to the idea and its completely fine. To each his own.
      And, I hope ab rang sahi hai?

  22. Ava March 11, 2009 at 7:21 pm - Reply

    Ha Ha .. I like the last line best. If you recall the movie – Look Who is talking you do get an intimate look into the making of babies.

    As for sex with or without love and vice versa.. its all in the head so the answer differs from person to person.

    • Amit March 13, 2009 at 2:29 am - Reply

      Thanks! Someone noticed! 🙂
      Yes, you are right. Its all in the head!

  23. Poonam Sharma March 12, 2009 at 12:27 pm - Reply

    Me too side with Reema.

    I have never been in casual, open relationships. Don’t work for me. I m not a prude either. I could indulge in love-making when in love, with or without marriage. I have no rules when it comes to love.

    But then that’s me, there is nothing as good or bad about making your choices about love and sex. Everyone has right to define and decide what works for them. Live and let live.

    • Amit March 13, 2009 at 2:34 am - Reply

      Hmmm…well that makes sense. 🙂 Even I have never been in a casual relationship.
      If people understand the concept of live and let live, the world would be such a better place to live.

  24. kanagu March 12, 2009 at 11:20 pm - Reply

    I believe in having sex after marriage only.. see typical Indian 😛
    Thats how I think it must be.. I don’t like pre-marital sex..

    • Amit March 13, 2009 at 2:35 am - Reply

      Its fine! Everyone has a right to set parameters for their own life. 🙂

  25. Solilo March 13, 2009 at 2:12 am - Reply

    I would say to each his own. While I won’t be comfortable in a live-in or premarital sex, I won’t judge others who choose to.

    Sex and being in love is also two different things but yes! sex is an important aspect for one to be in love.

    I am married but even hypothetically, I won’t insist on my partner to be a virgin but in future faithful? Yes.

    Interesting arguments!

    • Amit March 13, 2009 at 2:37 am - Reply

      Virgin partners…hmm..that is another interesting topic! 🙂
      Yes, I do agree with you on all points. Its important that we don’t judge others by comparing their lives with ours.

  26. Bikash March 13, 2009 at 1:53 pm - Reply

    Sex with love gives you a heaven feeling.You will go crazy.

    Sex without love is known as RAPE.

    N.B:Love is nothing but an opposite attraction.

    • Amit March 16, 2009 at 12:29 am - Reply

      well, I don’t think sex without love is rape. That is what happens when people go to the prostitutes or when people have one night stands or just a casual fling, and that is certainly not rape.

    • harveen May 21, 2010 at 1:39 pm - Reply

      love s life if u get the true love not infactuatn.. let true love b ua hrtbt… love s a felng..a atractn.. may b sexual.. bt mst b fm hrt.. love …true love + sex is wht todays generatn nt gtng.. wht thy gt s ethr love or sex.. have sex with the peson u love or the person who truly loves u..

  27. scorpria March 13, 2009 at 2:28 pm - Reply

    Love and sex need not be inter-related at all…
    One can be in love with someone (even live with him/her) and still not have sex.

    One can have sex with someone and not be in love with him/her. In fact, while having sex, he/she could be imagining the partner to be the actual lover!

    Again, if a couple has sex because they married, it need not always be borne out of love. What if it was a forced marriage? Sex becomes a necessity so that you reproduce and keep your khandan happy (not essentially rape, as Bikash says above).

    And like Oorja said, both are totally different things. each can happen in absence of the other. lucky are those who get both together.

    • Amit March 16, 2009 at 12:30 am - Reply

      Yes, exactly. There are so many loveless marriages which work solely on sex and the kids.

  28. Shivya March 13, 2009 at 3:42 pm - Reply

    Very well-written and thought-provoking article! I think the cultural distinction lies not so much in what people believe but what they claim to believe. Everything in the indian society is so hushed that it is tabooed for you to be bold and different and accept what you really believe in publicly.

    • Amit March 16, 2009 at 12:35 am - Reply

      There are very few people who actually believe that their children should lead their own life their way. The fabric of the society is made that way.

  29. vaibhavtiwari March 14, 2009 at 6:38 am - Reply

    Well, people seem to be talking in easy terms like ‘it is a matter of personal choice’ and all that. My contention is that personal choice does not really have much of a chance when the fabric is changing so rapidly. For instance, if we take our parents generation, it was all very plain; love and sex went hand in glove and not without each other. (generally speaking) That surely is fair.
    Now, talking of the scene that would most likely be 25 years down the line (our kids’ generation, say :)), it is fair to assume that it would be like the america of today (easier on the sex part)
    Our’s is actually the generation that is seeing this crossover, this change in mental fabric and hence facing the turmoil.

    As a result, it is very difficult for us to make a choice. I dont think youth in other countries or even our youth in any other genaration (the generations gone by, or the one’s coming – that is my point) would be so fuc*ed up about such issues about premarital sex and virginity and all that. And in all this hullabaloo, I dont think it depends upon me alone whether I consider, say, live-in okay or not, simply because my gf could kick me, or worse, leave me, if I tell her my plans (not because she is moral or my intentions are amoral, but simply because the acceptance to such beliefs are settling down, in its own, varied pace in our minds and there’s still time when our society as a unit approves of it) – right now, it’s not in my hands dude !!

    Do you guys feel that youth in every generation would feel the same or does my thinking sound logical i.e.. of our generation being uniquely cursed 😀 …

    Comments are welcome..

    Vaibhav (vaibhavtiwari.wordpress.com)

    • Amit March 16, 2009 at 12:45 am - Reply

      Yes, I agree with you that we are a crossover generation. we have seen both sides of the coin. We have seen a life where people lived with black and white televisions, one landline and no cable connection and then we saw plasma screen televisions, mobiles and a 100 channels. Its amazing how the world has changed in the past few years. 🙂
      On the topic, right now our society is very judgemental over these issues but I am sure that things will change over time. Right now, its very difficult for say, another 50 years atleast.

  30. abhishek March 14, 2009 at 9:02 pm - Reply

    He wouldn’t have ended as a sperm but zygote. 😛

    • Amit March 16, 2009 at 12:46 am - Reply

      Well, I went down to the last unit! 😛

      • vaibhavtiwari March 16, 2009 at 12:08 pm

        Well, why sperm ? why not the ova then??
        That’s your dormant chauvinism Amit… hahaha *kidding*

        vaibhav

  31. Destination Infinity March 15, 2009 at 11:15 am - Reply

    Nicely written. You have balanced both the concepts very well.

    Forget about love and sex, as far as I am concerned even happiness (which would be the ultimate goal of being in love or having sex) is not an absolute quantity. It depends on so many factors – age, time, expectations, satisfaction, location, misery etc. So, I feel that the very question being probed on, cannot be generalized. Would you accept if I say that the level (degree?) of happiness depends more on misery, than all the above factors that I have listed? If you see a point in it, my opinion on the above topic of sex and love is – The happiness that one can obtain from sex and love depends upon how much he/she is kept away from it. I certainly don’t think that prostitutes are the happiest people in the world(in the long term) and neither do I think that the sages (who abstain from physical realities) are. I really admire the architect of human emotions for their sheer brilliance. But why did they take so much efforts is something I keep wondering about….

    Destination Infinity

    • Amit March 16, 2009 at 12:51 am - Reply

      Thanks! Yes, it largely depends on the place you are in and how does your mind work. We all look at our life in a certain way and its almost a next to impossible task to change someone’s outlook towards life.
      I won’t call sages as brainwashed but that is how they are happy. Its strange in a way how two people brought up in two different ways could lead two completely different lives.

  32. Destination Infinity March 16, 2009 at 2:17 am - Reply

    There is no need to change someone’s outlook towards life. They have such an outlook because they believe in it. I feel that when we try to change something or someone, it is more because of the doubts within ourselves than the other person being stubborn that we are not able to change, if at all we need to.

    Destination Infinity

  33. Su March 16, 2009 at 11:47 pm - Reply

    we/’re a confused lot! when we’re looking for choices, we fail to recognize opportunities and go for the temporary ones.

    u can make love to a person whom u love. either short term or long term. but sex is jus work. not emotions. i strongly feel tht u can enjoy and be happy of the effect of physical contact more deeply, only wit a person wit whom u’ve deep emotional contact.

  34. Vyas March 22, 2009 at 3:08 pm - Reply

    I think you have the answer for yourself in this regard. Sex is something that is purely physical. A satiation of hunger between two people. Love is something that indeed transcends sex. Love is the one thing that carries the relationship forward into the days when your old and grey. I have many friends in Petersburg who are getting laid, but I know for certain, that they are not in love. (though I keep getting admonished for remaining a virgin)
    Love is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world, and when you are intimate with your loved one you feel complete and whole.

  35. Amit March 23, 2009 at 4:45 am - Reply

    @Su, @Vyas : Thanks for sharing your thoughts. In a way, both of you are saying the same thoughts and its good to know that you have an opinion on the topic. Some people tend to be confused. 🙂

  36. Suda March 24, 2009 at 3:16 pm - Reply

    I read all the comments above. Still its hard for me to comment. 😀 May be I don’t have any opinion or may be, I don’t have any choice! 😀

    • Suda April 14, 2009 at 9:49 am - Reply

      Yaar koi mere comment ko reply hi nahi deta 🙁 😀

      • Amit April 15, 2009 at 12:41 am

        Oh!! I missed that one. 🙂 Hmm…we all have choices, we are just afraid to make them! 😉

  37. Vijaya Bharat April 12, 2009 at 8:19 am - Reply

    First of all, I feel sorry for myself for being away from your blog because of various settlement reasons after coming back to India 🙁

    Although I lived in both societies you mentioned in this blog, like you i too feel that the concept is fully dependent on the society we are living and the way we were brought up.

    Rules changes with the time. In some parts of India, choosing of partner after having sex etc culture is there once upon a time (just bookish knowledge). If there are no rules and mind wash in India, by this time we may be in a situation to occupy other countries just for our people to live. I sincerely believe that our people feel less responsible for the society they are living in.

    Let Indians think in the same way they are thinking as of now which is better for Indians specially for the Indian Women.

    • Amit April 14, 2009 at 3:54 am - Reply

      Its all right! I knew that you were coming back to India.
      Yes, India is changing, but Metros form a very small part off India. 70% of India lives in villages where people have not changed in the last 70 years.

  38. Anish May 14, 2009 at 4:51 pm - Reply

    Very well written article…….
    @Having sex with a person a number of times cannot make you fall in love with him/her. …………..very true………sex is physical….and love is something that comes from inside………that makes you glued or attracted to other person……you need sex to complete love…coz sex is all about sharing and giving something special they have to each other…..

    • Amit May 15, 2009 at 1:28 am - Reply

      Thanks Anish! And welcome to my blog!

  39. zendenizen June 23, 2009 at 11:30 pm - Reply

    p.s. I was so glad that the director killed Benjamin Button when he was a baby. For a second, I thought that he would end up being a sperm!

    This is the funniest quote about that movie ever!

    As for the topic at hand, I don’t know what to tell you. I believe in test driving before marriage otherwise both parties could potentially be very unhappy. However, most people like the idea of test driving so much, they never stop.

    • Amit June 24, 2009 at 12:20 am - Reply

      Thanks! 🙂 Well, people thought I was being a sexist. It should be an ‘egg’, they said! 🙂
      Yes, you are right but people find it difficult to come out and say that. And some people think that they just don’t need to buy the car at all. 🙂

  40. Richard Brookes September 24, 2009 at 12:55 am - Reply

    In the fewest words… Great article!

    Will you be interested to write for our magazine.

    Fact Universal Teens is a teen magazine that is focused on the indian teen audience and would be glad to have you as a contributing writer.

    Let me know.

    Cheers!

    Richard Brookes
    Editor-In-Cheif
    Fact Universal Teens
    Fact Ent.

  41. Dream February 21, 2010 at 10:49 pm - Reply

    Id have to say sex and love are separate. I have had meaningless sex usually to pacify some need I had at the moment as a young woman. I have been with my soul mate for 10yrs. this April. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt we have a deep loving relationship even though its been over 6yrs since Ive been capable of having sex due to severe constant pain.

  42. Ami March 5, 2010 at 10:07 pm - Reply

    I think this can be devided by 2 groups.
    First, people who live in the past (such as our grands or our parents) and Second group is who live nowdays (such as us, our children, or people in the future). Because their opinion will be totally different.
    When I was kid (well, i’m not that too old anyway), I used to think the different with a married couple and the live together’s couple. A security.
    The Married couple tend to take a long thinking to say “We are over”, than The live together’s couple. However, after I live in abroad and not kid anymore, It’s changed. Both are really easy to said it “It’s over” without deeply considering the consequence(s). Eventhough, they will say it can arrange that equally.
    Having sex with our partner can be different answer when reach the question whether based on love or not. When you’re having relationship with the patner you love the most, you won’t take a long time to ask them to marry you. Because you want them always be your side and you needed them.
    But, if based on just to see where it could go, the end decision will be many. Whether I don’t think you are for me, or, I’m bored, or my love is going to another one, etc. (even this happened in a marriage people also today)
    If we think about relationship like we see a clothes, a furniture, then easier to replace/ changed. Then the obvious answer will come up.
    My parents said if you are brave enough to have a relationship, you won’t afraid to make sacrifices till the end. I am not sure when “the end” would be. Maybe until you’re die ?

  43. anu July 7, 2010 at 9:24 pm - Reply

    very well written… even i have been having my observations in this regard and the facts that i have come through are really strange…

  44. megzz December 31, 2010 at 7:45 am - Reply

    i think this whole convo is meaningless. yeah its well written and a awsome argument. But its like asking “which came first the chicken or the egg?”. you cant have one without the other. you cant love someone and never have sex with them and you cant go around having sex with loads of different people unless you love sex.

  45. Dot April 7, 2011 at 9:02 am - Reply

    For the first question which, was as far as I read to be honest, the answer in my mind would have to be yes they are two different things. Sex is suppose to be done with the one person in the world you Love and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else; However, most people these days have sex just because it feels good and they can, and not because they are in love. Call me old fashioned but I believe it to be true. Given I was young once and did the same thing. I found love and not only is it a better relationship but it feels much better knowing the man I love is always going to be there and I know he loves me for who I am not what I can bring to the table.

    • Rohit Yadav September 2, 2011 at 6:32 pm - Reply

      I totally agree…

  46. sharada patil April 22, 2011 at 11:25 am - Reply

    as i know true love happens once….nd sex is like hunger…so in true love der is feelings b/w 2 hearts….sex happens in commonly wit evry 1 not wit particular person…very rare persons dey do sex wit only 1….

  47. Epic May 4, 2011 at 2:23 pm - Reply

    Theres a large difference in having sex with someone i love and having sex with just a hot chick i meet. Making loves more intimate but just having a good old fuck with the chick from the bar is not

  48. 247Testimonies September 15, 2011 at 5:08 am - Reply

    I really like this picture

  49. Tanvi October 15, 2011 at 1:57 am - Reply

    I saw this movie while in my Junior college, and I didnt get more than half of it 😛 So dont have anything to say about the movie. On the questions part, well…. I agree Love is far beyond the physical intimacy….. You would never know how connected you are to a person until you know him/her. And finding the right one, comes from the fact how you feel about the “us” thing. If you can become us and we then he/she is the right one 🙂 🙂
    Nice write up 🙂

    Cheers,

  50. ashreyamom October 5, 2012 at 12:40 pm - Reply

    i feel both can be independent.. by chance i go lie in a different country for few year away from my husband, i might not mind having sex with different person, and still love my husband only( b’cas my origin is in india, i would want to break up, or for the benefit of kid) . and wouldn’t mind my husband doing same too..
    ok this arises a new question in my mind, cant we love two people?? should love be constant?? in that case u might get many more answers.. 🙂

    the above said answer is hypothetical, it is just assuming what my state could be.. 😛

    • Amit October 5, 2012 at 1:15 pm - Reply

      This is such an old post and now that I read it I really do not agree to all I have written. 🙂
      We all have different definitions of love. For some it might include loving two people simultaneously, for some the very thought might be blasphemy. I think it is all relative. 🙂

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