Strike Daddy

Wanted – Strike Care Executives (SCE) to carry out systematic and methodological strikes of varying degrees in India and abroad.

Company Profile – Strike Daddy is a reputed firm that has an elite list of clandestine clientele who firmly believe in strikes and its positive outcomes. Our clients include prominent political parties, businessmen and unions. We specialize in organized strikes and are an OSMMI (Organised Strike Maturity Model Index) Level 5 company. Our success rate is 100% with a variance of +/- 5%. Our annual turnover (not including the black money) is 2000 crores per year which makes us the Number One Strike Specialist of India. We have been awarded the coveted Best Strike Organizer award by the ISU (International Strike Union) 4 times in a row from 2008-2012.

Job Details

SCE-TV (Trainee Vandals) We are hiring inexperienced staff for our operations all across India. Field experience in an established company is not required. However, the aspirants must provide proof of roadside squabbles/fist fights/gun fights etc. Applicant should have failed in at least one class in his/her school. People who have not completed school and who aspire to become politicians will be preferred. Please do not apply if you look like Bollywood actor Imran Khan. Experience : 0-6 months

SCE-AV (Associate Vandals) : Applicant should have relevant work experience in a reputed Strike Organization (SO) firm. It is mandatory to carry a copy of all the FIRs lodged against the applicant. Applicants with more than 5 FIRs will be given preference. Applicant should have at least 1.5 years of field experience which must include one or more of the following activities – burning of public vehicles, smashing windows and doors of offices, manhandling/beating common man, shouting slogans, clash with police. Genuine photographs showing the applicant indulging in the above mentioned acts will be accepted. Men can also submit proofs of molestations/rape charges. Experience : 6 months – 3 years

SCE-SV (Senior Vandals) : In addition to a relevant work experience in a reputed SO firm, the applicant should have a field experience of at least 5.5 years. The applicant should have spent at least one year in jail (need not be a continuous one year term). The applicant should be a political aspirant and should have at least 2 rape charges (NA for women applicants), 10 molestation charges (NA for women applicants), 5 murder/kidnapping/black-marketing/dacoity/corruption charges pending against him/her in various courts in India. It is mandatory for the applicant to have bashed at least 2 policemen. Must have lead to the death of at least 5 people by a traffic jam or a train delay. Experience : 3 years – 7 years

Documents required – Applicants should bring substantial proofs like photographs, newspaper clippings (containing name or a clear picture of the applicant), hospital bills, television report clips (showing applicant in a clear view), FIR reports, Court case documents, Jail term proofs etc. Please note that witness accounts are not acceptable. Please do not bring broken teeth/chopped fingers/skin fragments/ears/tongue/eyeballs of your victims as proof.

Selection Procedure – We use advanced SST (Simulated Strike Tests) to evaluate the applicants on a point based exam. We use cut edge technologies like SSM (Scream Shrillness Meters), FCM (Fight Capacity Meters), AC (Animalism Capacitors), PE (Pyrophobia Evaluators), ECBCM (Effigy Creation & Burning Capability Model) etc to judge the capacity of the applicants to become a reputed Strike Care Executive. There will be group discussion rounds. Dummy Knives, stones, tree stumps, hockey sticks, swords and pistols will be provided for the same. Please do not bring any personal equipment.

Training Details – Our various level of SCC (Savage Creation Certifications) are specially designed to give you the required boost in your career. Based on your relevant years of experience, you can get a certification from Level 0 to 5. In addition to regular theory classes in strike procedures there are practical coaching by celebrity Strike Care Executives (SCE) as well. In the end of the induction course, there is an internship for 2 weeks with a reputed SCE before a final evaluation and project assignment.

Job Application Details – Walk-ins on 4th and 5th March 2013 in our headquarters in Noida, which is the best location for hands-on experience. If you are not able to attend the walk-in, please send your resume to fire&ash&guns&cash@strikedaddy.com.

Handsome salaries available. Opportunity to work in various locations in India with reputed clients. Onsite opportunities also available.

Chocolaty boys and Chui-mui girls need not apply. If you have been rejected in the last 6 months by us, don’t push your luck and make us come after you by applying again.

2017-11-11T00:38:23+00:00 Tags: , , , , , , , , |

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016.
Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping.
He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

52 Comments

  1. afshan18 February 24, 2013 at 10:35 pm - Reply

    Hahaha
    Rofl at don’t apply if u look like Imran khan
    On a lighter note one should think of these opportunities taking the rare interview calls in to consideration 🙁
    On a serious note brilliant as well. No wonder this must b a real scenario

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 10:12 am - Reply

      Of course this is a real scenario! Do you think I cooked all this up? 😛
      Thanks Afshan for calling a job vacancy post brilliant. 🙂

  2. gardenerat60 February 24, 2013 at 10:36 pm - Reply

    Brilliant . Is the firm on the stock market too?

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 10:12 am - Reply

      Yes. It’s a billion dollar company! Very profitable shares.

  3. Aniruddha February 25, 2013 at 1:24 am - Reply

    I don’t qualify for any of them…Do you have anything that is below SCE-TV, so that I can make a career out of this…

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 10:14 am - Reply

      You cannot have anything below zero years of experience. 😐
      Try breaking someone’s nose and get yourself photographed during the act. Then get a fake school certificate that you failed in a class. And try to talk like a politician during the interview. That’s it! You will make it.

  4. KayEm February 25, 2013 at 4:38 am - Reply

    What a gas. How do you keep churning them out, Amit?

    As for our vandals, the scum of the earth, might as well laugh at them or we’ll get really depressed. Oh, and I love the category, “drivel”

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 10:15 am - Reply

      Thanks KayEm. 🙂
      I think we should not laugh at them. It is not an easy job. They really have to get their hands dirty.

      • KayEm February 25, 2013 at 11:33 am

        Heehee. At least they give something all they’ve got.

  5. R's Mom February 25, 2013 at 10:52 am - Reply

    You Amit, are one of the most wonderful writers I have ever read..I swear on that! What an ad, man! what an ad! I was so so upset with the bandh because it meant getting worried if the brat is going to reach to the daycare safely yaada yaada..it didnt affect Bombay too much, but at the end of the day, it just gave me so much of headache and heart ache…I wonder if these bandhs really serve their purpose???

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 2:09 pm - Reply

      Thanks R’s Mom. 🙂
      The problem with bandhs is that they serve everyone except the common man. If there is a loss of life or property then it is the common man who has to bear everything. Geet teaches in Noida where all that drama happened and they burnt a few vehicles. She was returning from school when all this happened. It was very scary.

  6. chaitali February 25, 2013 at 12:03 pm - Reply

    ROFL, enjoyed ur writing..

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 2:16 pm - Reply

      Thanks Chaitali. 🙂

  7. Liju February 25, 2013 at 12:14 pm - Reply

    Awesomness!!!! Bowing, Bowing and Bowing to your writing Amit! 🙂

    As long as such illiterate and jobless people exist, they will continue to be used by these politicians and the likes. I have never been able to understand what these bands hope to serve, except harass and inconvenience the common man.

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 5:43 pm - Reply

      Haha! Thanks Liju. You are very kind. 🙂
      Think of it the other way around – As long as politicians would like to use people, they will keep them illiterate and jobless.

  8. Ashwathy February 25, 2013 at 12:35 pm - Reply

    Strike DADDY??? What a name, to begin with! 😛

    You know what? Sashtang pranam!! Hats off to your creativity!! If it weren’t for the content, I would have passed this off as a routine job vacancy advertisement seeing the structure of this! lol….

    Please do not bring broken teeth/chopped fingers/ skin fragments /ears/ tongue/ eyeballs of your victims as proof.
    Talk about height of desperation! 😛 🙄

    The last line was the killer! :mrgreen:

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 5:44 pm - Reply

      Thanks Ash. 😀
      Areee no need for sashtang pranam. I am just another crazy mortal. 🙂

  9. Saanjh February 25, 2013 at 12:48 pm - Reply

    Hahaha..:-D
    So it was this company’s employees creating ruckus in delhi. I was in delhi for a ‘genuine’ job interview and the other side of road was full of broken car window panes and shouting people and a long long traffic jam. Thank god I was on the opposite way otherwise I would surely had to forget that job and apply here…
    By the way other than strike executives, does your company require someone for managing the heavy cashflow and turnover.. #An unemployed CA#… 😉 😛 😀

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 5:46 pm - Reply

      Wow! You were actually there? Did you take any autographs? There must be some celebrity SCOs there.
      And it’s not my company. I just saw the job vacancy in one of the newspapers and thought about sharing it for the betterment of mankind. 😛
      They must be having non-field posts. You must enquire.

      • Saanjh February 25, 2013 at 10:15 pm

        Was on other side of road na.. So could only get the visual treat, not a physical autograph…
        And will surely look out for the desired posts… 😀 😉

      • Amit February 26, 2013 at 12:22 pm

        Try it the next time. These Strike Celebrities are very generous. They might gift you a chair or even someone’s car or even a bag full of money. 🙂

  10. Bhavia February 25, 2013 at 12:51 pm - Reply

    LOL!!
    Selection procedure is terrific.
    I have a feeling that now you are that anonymous mastermind planning “things” in India.right? 😛

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 5:48 pm - Reply

      It is very tough. Strike Daddy is considered as a Microsoft equivalent in the world of Strike jobs. The package is mindboggling. You really have to be exceptional to get through the selection criteria.
      What? Masterminding? This is not my company! 😛

  11. Nidaa February 25, 2013 at 1:39 pm - Reply

    Arreh Wah Dude- taking the meaning of organization to new levels!
    My Fav bit- “We use cut edge technologies like SSM (Scream Shrillness Meters), FCM (Fight Capacity Meters), AC (Animalism Capacitors), PE (Pyrophobia Evaluators), ECBCM (Effigy Creation & Burning Capability Model) etc to judge the capacity of the applicants to become a reputed Strike Care Executive.”

    • Amit February 25, 2013 at 5:49 pm - Reply

      It is a very organized company, the best in Strike Management.
      Thanks Nidaa.. 🙂

  12. Akanksha Dureja February 25, 2013 at 4:03 pm - Reply

    Brilliant! Loved he way you swapped software jargon into Strike ones! I have no doubt that Noida is the worst of all, but Gurgaon is trailing close behind. 🙁
    Considering the unemployment in India, I think many people will be interested to join Strike Daddy. After-all, now they will be officially paid for something which they were doing for free( or black money)

    Even people working in software industry might be interested in joining. They are frustrated, the industry isn’t booming, little or no hikes are expected and they have already mastered the art of ‘verbally’ managing their bosses. A hands on training later, they’ll be ready to kick off common men’s asses too!

    • Amit February 26, 2013 at 12:17 pm - Reply

      Thanks Akanksha. 🙂
      I think Noida, Gurgaon and Delhi and all in a league.
      It’s not just unemployment. Some people join for pure fun. That is what the company strives to achieve. Work mixed with fun.
      Now how many of us enjoy our jobs? The company is thinking of providing part-time employment facilities also.

  13. metherebel February 25, 2013 at 7:08 pm - Reply

    This could actually pass off as a genuine job ad 😀

    The selection procedure is is quite strict…that says a lot about the organisation 😉

    • Amit February 26, 2013 at 12:19 pm - Reply

      What do you mean by “pass off”! 😐
      It is a genuine job advert.
      Yes, the selection process is very strict. You cannot expet anything less from a top company.

  14. Rachna February 25, 2013 at 9:19 pm - Reply

    So you are clearly not getting hired, Amit :). A delightfully funny post. And though it is not advertised, this actually is a thriving industry already run by political parties.

    • Amit February 26, 2013 at 12:20 pm - Reply

      I will never be able to pass the selection process. I am heartbroken.
      Yes, it is such a thriving industry. It is high time we understand its potential.

  15. umashankar February 25, 2013 at 9:59 pm - Reply

    Amit, this post is a Daddy of all satires that came my way in some years! It is hard for me to point at a favourite section, but the ‘Documents required’ had me in splits! Carry on, crusader!

    • Amit February 26, 2013 at 12:21 pm - Reply

      Haha! Thanks Uma. I am very happy that you liked it.

  16. ms February 25, 2013 at 10:18 pm - Reply

    dear sir, i am applying for the post of SCE-TV. I have all the qualifications required and assure you that i believe in teamwork (we sink or swim together; i will not go down alone) and am eager to become an asset in your organisation. i have only one small request: can the training be carried out within 50 feet of my front door? the security ankle device i am wearing will send a signal to the nearest police station if i move more than 50 feet away from the door. thank you. i await your favourable and early response.

    • Amit February 26, 2013 at 12:24 pm - Reply

      MS,
      Thank you showing interest in the company. As we have strict company rules, we do not carry door-to-door interviews. But we can provide you technicians to tweak your security ankle device so that you could easily visit the company for an interview. Please mail us if you are interested.

  17. lathaguduru February 26, 2013 at 1:38 am - Reply

    Amit, I seriously wonder how you come up with these ideas…:-) btw, go to any state capital and you’ll find plenty of these companies…come to hyd…you won’t find any vacancies…they are all full.

    • Amit February 26, 2013 at 12:25 pm - Reply

      Latha,
      The ideas are all around us. 🙂
      Aree they are never full. They always hire in excess and keep a huge bench.

  18. Dancing Fingers Singing Keypad February 26, 2013 at 2:30 am - Reply

    Hahaha! Brilliant! Even the name of the company is so creative!

    • Amit February 26, 2013 at 12:29 pm - Reply

      Thank you dfsk. 🙂

  19. Jass February 26, 2013 at 10:35 am - Reply

    I am sure it is a billion dollar company.. Can I have shares of it? 😛

    • Amit February 26, 2013 at 12:30 pm - Reply

      You can buy them. They are very profitable right now. 🙂

  20. numerounity February 26, 2013 at 3:52 pm - Reply

    Lolz…you were on the target….how many applicants so far? 🙂
    ____________________________________________
    http://ektakhetan.blogspot.in

    • Amit February 26, 2013 at 5:27 pm - Reply

      Well, thanks. 🙂
      Haha! It is not my company. I just saw the advert in a newspaper and thought of sharing it. 😉

  21. purbaray February 27, 2013 at 5:26 am - Reply

    Please be careful when you step out the house – goons worldwide are waiting at your doorstep waiting to shower you with kisses.

    • Amit February 27, 2013 at 9:27 am - Reply

      *gasps* You mean like the old aunties who squeeze your cheeks with a single hand and move your face to and fro? I better wear a helmet.

  22. Rahul Aggarwal February 27, 2013 at 12:44 pm - Reply

    fire&ash&guns&cash@strikedaddy.com …lol

    this is awesome .. i just can’t stop laughing …!

    • Amit February 27, 2013 at 8:33 pm - Reply

      Hehe! Thanks Rahul. 🙂

  23. Priya Sreeram (@priyasreeram) February 27, 2013 at 4:45 pm - Reply

    gee-*chocolatey boys need not apply* – so u r out of the race is it ?
    Brilliant penning amit 🙂

    • Amit February 27, 2013 at 8:34 pm - Reply

      Yes, unfortunately I am. I am thinking of growing a beard and putting a few cuts on my face.

  24. kismitoffeebar February 28, 2013 at 1:39 pm - Reply

    Tell you what, you should just compile these and make some job ad collection of sorts. I wouldn’t be surprised if you start getting offers on your linkedIn 😛

    I wish everyone would write detailed ads like you!

    Really well written Amit! 🙂

    • Amit February 28, 2013 at 6:26 pm - Reply

      Now that is a very good idea. 🙂
      Thanks kismitoffeebar. 🙂

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