I have been able to sleep peacefully from the last two days with the air-conditioner throwing storms of cold unbearable wind on me. Last night my room was so cold that I thought it would snow. When such bliss was showered on me after painfully hot nights of power cuts and voltage fluctuations, I felt I was dead and floating in heaven. I was pondering why all of a sudden the Uttar Pradesh government has turned so kind towards its pesky subjects and then it was revealed by a newspaper that the Municipal elections on Wednesday were the reason. So will I be back to sleepless nights from today, when I bang my head on the wall and curse the day I decided to leave Delhi and move here? Time will tell.

If you do not know, NCR is under a severe power shortage. Two days back, half of Gurgaon was on roads – blocking traffic, throwing stones at electricity sub-stations and beating up its staff. Similar cases were seen in Ghaziabad too where the Uttar Pradesh government promptly ordered police protection to its foul mouthed staff in various sub-stations. But the magic was that from the next day, the power cuts came down drastically.

Moral of the story – In India, newspapers, television reports, consumer complaints etc do not work. What the government officials really understand is – a smack on the bum, a protest and a traffic jam.  And you will get what you want, at least for a few days.

Believe it or not – government officials produce electricity when beaten up. How else did you think the power shortage vanished magically?

*

Akhilesh Yadav lost his marbles two days back when he tried to pass a proposal according to which the MLAs in Uttar Pradesh can use 20 lakhs from their local area development fund to buy cars. According to him, his crorepati MLAs found it difficult to reach common man to understand their plight without a proper vehicle. Now even if the MLAs cannot afford a car (wait! Let me stop laughing and wipe my spit spray from the screen), have they heard of a car loan? Akhilesh really need to polish his crystal gazing skills. I am not very intelligent but I know that if I try to pass something like this, the whole world will be at my throat before I could say – Oh fuck! Sometimes I wonder if the politicians get paranoid if they do not see themselves on the television for two days and end up passing bizarre proposals or watch porn in assembly or blame opposition for killing babies in hospitals.

*

Beni Prasad Verma, our honourable Steel Minister, is a comical man. A few days back he was up at arms with Laxmi Mittal, who pointing out that red tape is killing India’s growth. In reply, Mr. Verma told the press that Laxmi Mittal never approached him to rub his nose on the ground in front of the Steel Minister and he should stop maligning Indian government.

Really Mr. Verma? After all those scams?

And the amount of time you have taken (6 years and still counting) to clear Mr. Mittal’s projects in India, it’s a wonder he has restrained himself and has not shoved his middle finger in front of your face. Reality check – He doesn’t need us. We need him.

*

I was watching some random news channel yesterday and came upon a very serious effort by Jamiat-e-Islami to increase tourism in Kashmir. The organisation has asked the state government to impose a dress code on the tourists who visit Kashmir. The women are too skimpily dressed for their taste. According to these standards, Goa government is run by immoral prostitutes as they allow women in beachwear to run on the beaches in the state. Strangely, the images of Kashmir shown on television were that of Indian women roaming with their families in the valley wearing kurtas, T-shirts, jeans and slacks. It will not be a surprise if bed sheets are distributed in the valley (with two slits for eyes) to cover up the tourists.

*

Let me confess that I have never enjoyed the Presidential elections so much. In fact, there were times when I had no idea when the change of President is due, when he took office and when he left. I thought you could give up Presidentship whenever you have finished the world tour which comes with the package or simply got bored of sitting in a huge palace where the washroom is like a mile away from your bedroom. And the only time I have seen a President is when he smirks at the guest sitting next to him the moment a huge missile passes by during Republic Day Parade.

Coming to this year’s election, before it gets really bad and the shit hits the fan, Pranab Mukherjee and P.A. Sangma should fight it out like real men in a boxing ring. I think that is the only excitement we are missing in all this mudslinging. I must confess that after all the tamasha I do not find Rakhi Sawant and Poonam Pandey exciting enough.

*

Common man has been enjoying this political masala from decades. While the prices of food items become unaffordable, what else do we have to feed upon other than ‘Pavitra Rishta’, ‘Byaah Hamari Bahoo Ka’ and Political buffoonery?

Moral of the story – With great power comes great stupidity. Spider Man’s uncle was wrong.

2017-11-11T00:38:40+00:00 Tags: , , , , , , , , |

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016.
Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping.
He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

18 Comments

  1. Wanderer July 5, 2012 at 11:26 pm - Reply

    Of all this, yes, of all this serious business, it was your last line that caught my eye. Amazing spiderman is amazing! Go watch it 😀
    Yea, thats all I’ve got to say. All those fighting, scamming morons can go to hell. 😛

    • Amit July 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm - Reply

      I saw it! I saw it! I liked it but it was very dark, much darker than the previous ones. 🙂
      And amen to the last line!

      • Wanderer July 6, 2012 at 2:50 pm

        Dark is good right? Previous ones were kinda stupid having a dumb-looking-and-sounding guy for the lead role. Remember how sexy Peter Parkery used to sound on the cartoon? Sigh… 😛

      • Amit July 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm

        Yeah, definitely. I loved the Dark Knight for this reason. Ahem! My mom found the previous Spidey very ‘Sundar’ and this one very ‘lamba’. I think the older spidey wasn’t a very good actor but the movies were more closer to the cartoon. This one is more real.

  2. reekycoleslaw July 6, 2012 at 1:38 am - Reply

    hehhehh…too good! We are a nation of idiots…isn’t that awesome?

    • Amit July 6, 2012 at 12:43 pm - Reply

      It’s awesome till the common man has food on the table. 🙂 It will turn really ugly if that too is taken away from him.

  3. Ashwathy July 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm - Reply

    Akhilesh Yadav proposed WHAT???!!! 😯 You gotta be kidding me!! pls tell me he didn’t say that!! And I thought UP was finally on its way to a brighter future 😐

    It will not be a surprise if bed sheets are distributed in the valley (with two slits for eyes) to cover up the tourists.
    I won’t be very surprised when this day comes. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry 🙄

    Must say I LOVE the title of your post…..! 😀 😀

    • Amit July 6, 2012 at 4:40 pm - Reply

      He did and the opposition and media were up on his throat in seconds. I don’t know what else was he expecting. He is making quite a few mistakes ever since he came to power and the crime graph of U.P. is on a new high.

      Thanks Ash!. 🙂

  4. debajyoti July 6, 2012 at 6:27 pm - Reply

    beating up electricity office staffs used to work in my town as well. but unfortunately, people have stopped doing this of late.

    i don’t watch news channels or read newspapers unless i am bored and looking for some entertainment. this Akhilesh Yadav proposal and J&K thing sounds really unique and interesting 😀

    i don’t think anyone gave two hoots about presidential election in the past. god knows why so much of hoopla this time.

    you are an exceptional writer!! really enjoy reading your posts!!

    • Amit July 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm - Reply

      I think they should take it up. Believe me, beating them up produces electricity in some way. Maybe, some sort of an energy comes out of them when they are thrashed.
      I read newspapers although my blood reaches its boiling point every time due to news like this. Well, I will say that Akhilesh’s proposal wasn’t half as bad as Mayawati installing her statues (holding a purse) all over Uttar Pradesh. She actually implemented that which is worse.

      Thanks Debajyoti, you are very kind. 😀

  5. metherebel July 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm - Reply

    Akhilesh Yadav proposed that???? I thought UP was finally in better hands but I guess I was too optimistic! Thank God he didn’t propose the MLA’s could buy helicopters so that they reach the people faster!!! I won’t be surprised if this did happen.

    I don’t think anybody gives a damn about the presidential election (do not count the ever howling Didi). What does the president do anyway apart from foreign tours? The cost of these foreign visits could actually feed half of India for another 10 -15 years!!!

    By the way, brilliant write-up!

    • Amit July 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm - Reply

      Yeah he did and then took it back as the media pounced on him. He thought it was good democracy that proposals were taken back after taking the opinion of people. But what about ministers proposing such nonsense? Is that good democracy too?

      Exactly, we never bothered about who our president is in the past but this time they have made such a drama out of it that its all over the place. Its actually disgusting to see your future president fighting like school kids.

      Thanks Metherebel. 🙂

  6. Indian Homemaker July 6, 2012 at 10:21 pm - Reply

    When they announced four hours power cut in Pune in 2009, the newspapers reported about cakes that were put in the oven for baking but were spoiled because of the unexpected power cut. When I told this to friends in NCR, they said, they didn’t get 4 hours of power cuts, they got four hours of power 🙁

    I wish we could make the ‘authorities’ live in the conditions they provide.

    • Amit July 7, 2012 at 12:27 pm - Reply

      Exactly. The people in power have no idea about how the common man lives and they do not bother because they get 24X7 electricity and water supply, free petrol and diesel, never have to travel in buses and autorikshaws and have enough money that inflation does not effect them.
      They should be asked to live our life for two days and I am sure they will be bawling like a two year old.
      I really do not want to live in NCR anymore. This place is going to get worse in the coming years.

  7. risingbharat July 9, 2012 at 9:26 pm - Reply

    Nice post.

    • Amit July 10, 2012 at 10:55 pm - Reply

      Thanks RisingBharat. 🙂

  8. Prax August 30, 2012 at 2:28 pm - Reply

    With great writing skills come great posts ! Happy to have good things to read!

    Only coercion threat and violence other than influence make people work in govt offices in India.

    • Amit August 31, 2012 at 9:35 am - Reply

      Thanks for liking the post Prax.
      Yes, I agree. Or maybe an electric shock will also work. 🙂

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