I have been able to sleep peacefully from the last two days with the air-conditioner throwing storms of cold unbearable wind on me. Last night my room was so cold that I thought it would snow. When such bliss was showered on me after painfully hot nights of power cuts and voltage fluctuations, I felt I was dead and floating in heaven. I was pondering why all of a sudden the Uttar Pradesh government has turned so kind towards its pesky subjects and then it was revealed by a newspaper that the Municipal elections on Wednesday were the reason. So will I be back to sleepless nights from today, when I bang my head on the wall and curse the day I decided to leave Delhi and move here? Time will tell.

If you do not know, NCR is under a severe power shortage. Two days back, half of Gurgaon was on roads – blocking traffic, throwing stones at electricity sub-stations and beating up its staff. Similar cases were seen in Ghaziabad too where the Uttar Pradesh government promptly ordered police protection to its foul mouthed staff in various sub-stations. But the magic was that from the next day, the power cuts came down drastically.

Moral of the story – In India, newspapers, television reports, consumer complaints etc do not work. What the government officials really understand is – a smack on the bum, a protest and a traffic jam.  And you will get what you want, at least for a few days.

Believe it or not – government officials produce electricity when beaten up. How else did you think the power shortage vanished magically?

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Akhilesh Yadav lost his marbles two days back when he tried to pass a proposal according to which the MLAs in Uttar Pradesh can use 20 lakhs from their local area development fund to buy cars. According to him, his crorepati MLAs found it difficult to reach common man to understand their plight without a proper vehicle. Now even if the MLAs cannot afford a car (wait! Let me stop laughing and wipe my spit spray from the screen), have they heard of a car loan? Akhilesh really need to polish his crystal gazing skills. I am not very intelligent but I know that if I try to pass something like this, the whole world will be at my throat before I could say – Oh fuck! Sometimes I wonder if the politicians get paranoid if they do not see themselves on the television for two days and end up passing bizarre proposals or watch porn in assembly or blame opposition for killing babies in hospitals.

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Beni Prasad Verma, our honourable Steel Minister, is a comical man. A few days back he was up at arms with Laxmi Mittal, who pointing out that red tape is killing India’s growth. In reply, Mr. Verma told the press that Laxmi Mittal never approached him to rub his nose on the ground in front of the Steel Minister and he should stop maligning Indian government.

Really Mr. Verma? After all those scams?

And the amount of time you have taken (6 years and still counting) to clear Mr. Mittal’s projects in India, it’s a wonder he has restrained himself and has not shoved his middle finger in front of your face. Reality check – He doesn’t need us. We need him.

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I was watching some random news channel yesterday and came upon a very serious effort by Jamiat-e-Islami to increase tourism in Kashmir. The organisation has asked the state government to impose a dress code on the tourists who visit Kashmir. The women are too skimpily dressed for their taste. According to these standards, Goa government is run by immoral prostitutes as they allow women in beachwear to run on the beaches in the state. Strangely, the images of Kashmir shown on television were that of Indian women roaming with their families in the valley wearing kurtas, T-shirts, jeans and slacks. It will not be a surprise if bed sheets are distributed in the valley (with two slits for eyes) to cover up the tourists.

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Let me confess that I have never enjoyed the Presidential elections so much. In fact, there were times when I had no idea when the change of President is due, when he took office and when he left. I thought you could give up Presidentship whenever you have finished the world tour which comes with the package or simply got bored of sitting in a huge palace where the washroom is like a mile away from your bedroom. And the only time I have seen a President is when he smirks at the guest sitting next to him the moment a huge missile passes by during Republic Day Parade.

Coming to this year’s election, before it gets really bad and the shit hits the fan, Pranab Mukherjee and P.A. Sangma should fight it out like real men in a boxing ring. I think that is the only excitement we are missing in all this mudslinging. I must confess that after all the tamasha I do not find Rakhi Sawant and Poonam Pandey exciting enough.

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Common man has been enjoying this political masala from decades. While the prices of food items become unaffordable, what else do we have to feed upon other than ‘Pavitra Rishta’, ‘Byaah Hamari Bahoo Ka’ and Political buffoonery?

Moral of the story – With great power comes great stupidity. Spider Man’s uncle was wrong.