A lot of people go on holidays so that they could upload pictures on Facebook for various reasons. Enjoying with their family is the last thing on their mind. The reasons for uploading photos might vary from –

  • Making their friends jealous (Hey! Look at me! I am hanging in the air upside down! Stare Stare!)
  • Making their relatives jealous (Hey loser! dream on!)
  • Making their colleagues jealous (Work smart party hard suckers!)
  • Marinate in the comments (Lovely couple!! Beautiful Background!! Where did you go? I am sooo jealous of you guys! Blah!)
  • Collecting likes (A dislike button is the need of the hour)
  • To achieve inner satisfaction because people are jealous because they are happy.
  • Sharing them with their family and friends (Didn’t I tell you that this is the last thing on their mind?)

Now, We are not against all the photo uploading sho-sha but there should be a level of decency to be maintained. You really don’t have to behave like Mount Etna and erupt your trip lava on our wall. So, here is a list of tips which might help people actually go through your pictures instead of hurriedly liking them and putting bland comments and be done with it. Here goes:

1) We understand you like mountains and lakes and deserts and trees but can you please not click the same bloody mountain from all the sides and dump it on Facebook? Also, standing and giving different poses with the same tree makes you a retard. Mountain, mountain, mountain-man, mountain-sheep, mountain-cloud, mountain, mountain. Seriously?!?

2) We know you love your partner. You are madly in love. No one, and that means no one, can love each other as much as you two. But can you please not drip all of us in your honey scooped butter scotch love? We don’t like to see couples entangled with each other like two grasshoppers where you cannot differentiate where one starts and the other ends. And we don’t like to see people slurping each other like dogs.

love couple

That poor thing is going to drown!

3) Your dog and cat are great! They must be really unique but for us, they are just an animal. So, it gets a bit amusing to see your dog’s photo shoot in all its glory. We are sure that they could give more expressions than a lot of our Bollywood stars but that is no reason for them to pose nude on our wall.

4) Oh! You had a kid! That’s so adorable! The poor thing can’t even open his eyes yet, but you have already thrust a camera on his face scaring him out of his wits and forced him to make all those take-this-thing-off-me faces while you click him. Your kid is beautiful but try not to put a picture on Facebook of his diaper changing activities. That’s Gross. And also, try not to put those pictures of that white cereal paste hanging out of his mouth. That’s equally gross.

5) Sunrise and Sunsets! There are already millions of pictures of our only star popping in and out of the Earth, so please don’t bore us with another of those pictures unless you have taken them from a space shuttle on a mission to re-fuel the Sun. Ditto for flowers, birds and insects unless you have unearthed a new species.

6) We are sure you love adventure sports. So you went to this cool destination and enjoyed paragliding but can you please not upload twenty pictures of you flying over mountains? Honestly, we can barely make you out in those photos. You might have just googled them and posted them on Facebook just to make people jealous.

Skydiving

Are you sure you are in there?

7) We hate blurred and shaky pictures. It’s hard to understand the psyche of a person who uploads a photo of his left hand or his girlfriend’s breast or his kid’s foot. We understand you clicked such pictures accidentally and we give you a benefit of doubt that you uploaded them accidentally but there is ALWAYS a delete button. It’s not a nuke which you have deployed accidentally and can’t retrieve back. If you don’t have time to check your photos before uploading or after uploading them, then don’t fuc*ing upload them.

8) You went to a disc and had a lot of drinks and enjoyed with your friends. Great! Try not to dump all your evening on our wall. We really don’t like to see people getting drunk, dancing as if controlled by a random number generator, taking off their clothes one by one and puking on their friend’s face. You are not making us jealous. You are making us groan.

9) Pictures of Gods and weird Independence day and Republic day pictures also make us dizzy. “Jai Mata Di” is great but first make your life straight. And if you are uploading a “Proud to be an Indian” picture then stop bloody wasting your time on Facebook and do something worthy of being proud of. And those “Happy Diwali!!!” pics on our wall make us very dizzy. Our whole wall seems to be on fire.

10) Stop tagging us in every picture of yours even when we are nowhere in the pic. We are not your dog’s tail or your best friend’s ass. Spare us the embarrassment of moving our mouse on your sorry torso to find out which body part of yours is named after us.

I hope you understand the mental trauma we undergo while we browse through your photos and will try to make honest corrections.

Thanks,

Your fellow good for nothing Facebook addicts.

p.s. We must admit that we ourselves indulge in a lot of the above mentioned activities. So, don’t take the post seriously. Keep *groan* uploading.

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016.
Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping.
He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

31 Comments

  1. Maddie February 2, 2012 at 10:17 pm - Reply

    Laugh out loud!! I so agree with you and I can tell you for sure that I have friends who upload these very photos! One with the dog is so so annoying!

    • Amit February 3, 2012 at 4:50 pm - Reply

      Thanks Maddie. I was really afraid to post this because I thought everyone will leave me on Facebook. πŸ™‚

  2. visitingmissouri February 2, 2012 at 10:18 pm - Reply

    Great, these are my new 10 Facebook commandments! Snow however, is still very welcome on my wall. Because I have never seen it.

    • Amit February 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm - Reply

      Good! Yeah, snow is good. You really have to go to snow. It won’t come to you. πŸ™‚

  3. Ashwathy February 3, 2012 at 11:02 am - Reply

    Ha ha ha…love the new 10 rules. I agree…
    But then isn’t FB all about showing off, neighbour’s envy owner’s pride kind of principle….and less to do with just sharing the pics with near and dear ones? πŸ™„
    So I guess some of these things would continue…

    • Amit February 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm - Reply

      Thanks Ashwathy. πŸ™‚
      It’s not all showoff. There are people like me who don’t showoff. πŸ˜€

      • Ashwathy February 6, 2012 at 9:03 am

        πŸ™„ πŸ˜›

  4. Sakhi February 4, 2012 at 9:17 pm - Reply

    πŸ˜† I was smiling all the way reading the post! πŸ˜† Never thought that I should be telling these rules to anyone, if i don’t like to follow someone, I just unsubscribe. Easier, isn’t it ?! πŸ™‚

    • Amit February 4, 2012 at 10:21 pm - Reply

      Thanks Sakhi. Glad that you liked it. πŸ™‚
      Well, I can’t tell this to my friends directly so this is the best I can do. πŸ™‚
      Hey don’t take it seriously. πŸ™‚

      • Sakhi February 11, 2012 at 4:54 pm

        “Hey don’t take it seriously.” – Not a chance πŸ™‚

  5. Anonymous February 5, 2012 at 12:28 pm - Reply

    Well i just uploaded my kid’s snaps on FB, and thank god i did not even think of taking snaps in the ways u mentioned, although why i uploaded them has a different reason πŸ™‚

  6. sujani February 5, 2012 at 12:29 pm - Reply

    sorry that anonymous was me.. left the name space blank by mistake πŸ™‚

    • Amit February 7, 2012 at 9:28 am - Reply

      Hey Sujani! How are you? Why didn’t I see the pics on my wall then?
      //i did not even think of taking snaps in the ways u mentioned
      I know you are a very sensible girl. πŸ™‚

      • sujani February 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm

        I am fine.. how are you doing?? Looks like some annoying things in india are beginning to annoy you. πŸ™‚

      • Amit February 11, 2012 at 12:24 am

        Don’t ask. You must have gone through the same phase. After coming back, you realise how disorganised everything is.

  7. Nova February 10, 2012 at 8:33 am - Reply

    HAhahahha good post!!! Facebook pics can be a nuisance sometimes… but I have a question… who is the “we” in this post? Is this the royal “we”?

    • Amit February 10, 2012 at 8:37 am - Reply

      Thanks Nova. πŸ™‚
      Well, we is a collective we for all the tortured souls. I am acting as their messenger here. πŸ™‚

  8. Pooja February 10, 2012 at 10:34 am - Reply

    Hey amit .. Read ur blog after long but it still has same flavor.
    Loved reading this one for fb and even though i have done my expmnts with birds n lakes :p , i agree with u. It was really lol πŸ™‚

    • Amit February 11, 2012 at 12:26 am - Reply

      Hey Pooja. Thanks for all the kind words. πŸ™‚
      I too have done all this stuff and still do it. I recently uploaded a pic of sunset. πŸ™‚ It’s ok. This post was just for fun. πŸ™‚

  9. Reema February 13, 2012 at 6:30 pm - Reply

    And this coming from a dude who has 101 photos in album “hawt Goa” including two pics of the same old Sun and some dude paragliding!! πŸ˜›

    • Amit February 14, 2012 at 9:16 am - Reply

      See that is why I added a p.s. at the end because I knew someone will bring in “hawt goa”. πŸ˜›

  10. scorpria March 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm - Reply

    THIS, among any others (detailed here: http://alphabetworld.wordpress.com/2012/02/28/2544/) is why I deleted my FB account a while back. OK — deactivated, not deleted (yet) πŸ˜€

    • Amit March 9, 2012 at 5:39 pm - Reply

      I will read this and see if you are as frustrated as I am. πŸ˜›

  11. sayingitall92 March 31, 2012 at 2:55 pm - Reply

    hahaha..awesome post πŸ™‚

    • Amit April 1, 2012 at 10:53 am - Reply

      Thanks. Glad that you liked it. πŸ™‚

  12. shail May 21, 2012 at 3:01 pm - Reply

    Oh boy! Am I glad you are not my FB friend. You’d hate the dog photos I post (earlier it was the cat now RIP) πŸ˜› I even have a blog page all for the dog πŸ˜‰

    • Amit May 22, 2012 at 1:43 am - Reply

      Haha! Believe me, I have done all the things I have mentioned here too. πŸ™‚
      I have posted pictures of sunsets, paragliding etc, so blog page for your dog is perfectly normal. πŸ™‚

  13. Anonymous Girl November 16, 2012 at 10:12 pm - Reply

    Hahaha,LOL.I lol-ed at so many lines, but my absolute fav is ‘…mountain,mountain,mountain,sheep,mountain….’
    What an absolute laugh riot from top to bottom. Where is the ‘Laugh’ button ?

    • Amit November 18, 2012 at 1:05 pm - Reply

      Thanks Anonymous Girl. πŸ™‚

  14. […] They were How to shop with a lady and stay sane & Facebook photos uploadingΒ etiquettes […]

  15. Indian Homemaker May 16, 2013 at 7:55 am - Reply

    πŸ™‚

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