..is a recipe for disaster. You may ask why? Of course, if you consider ‘making pots of money’ as a consolation, then it might work for you but keeping the money-mindedness aside for a second, here is a list of reasons why it would be better to put your hand in a pit of vipers instead.

1. Both of you might end up in different countries. It is not always easy to say no to an onsite opportunity when you have a home loan, a car loan, a washing machine loan, a diamond necklace loan and a pack of underwear loan and an over pressurizing manager. And then, practically speaking, the long distance SOS (Sex On Skype) fizzle out in a few days, simply because the ‘feel’ is absent.

2. Both of you might end up in different shifts which is worse than being in different countries. Leave alone SOS, you will not have the real one in days. You will wake him up after coming from office and crash yourself on the bed as soon as he gets up and vice versa. Your conversations will end up being – ‘Hi honey’. ‘Bye honey’. ZZZZZZZ

3. Completely forget any trips to Simla, Munnar, Singapore, Andaman or Malaysia. Getting an off together for 5 days for a holiday will be task more difficult than getting Katrina Kaif to act and Manmohan Singh to open his mouth. You can beg, rub your nose on the ground till it bleeds, pull out your hair but it just won’t happen.

4. On the rare occasions when both of you will be at home by 9 pm, you will bitch about your managers till 10 and vent out all your frustration and completely forget to cook. You will end up having bread with soup, which will be good actually considering your expanding bellies.

5. Home made food will be available only on Saturdays and Sundays, if at least one of you is not working on the weekend, which will be as rare as scams in India. You will end up eating pizza, pasta and punjabi thalis at malls. Whatever good the bread and soup were doing will adjust to inflation.

6. All the family functions will carry on without you. Your cousins will get married and will have babies. You won’t be there in their marriage albums and videos. You will meet them, maybe, once in 5 years and wonder where all the time flew away.

7. If you are planning to have a baby, forget about it, simply because you should get some time to ding-dong, which you won’t get. If you somehow manage, the she-engineer’s manager will make sure that the baby is delivered in office alongside the project deliverable. The baby will already be stressed out by the time he will come out because of your 15 hour shifts.

8. Your parents will wither away trying to make sense of what hit them. You won’t have time for them and they will end up cursing themselves for giving birth to a machine and then marrying him off to another.

9. If the she-engineer somehow manages to pop out a baby, the baby will grow up thinking that the maid is his mother. He will not recognise his father on the rare occasions of bonding simply because he has never seen him awake. The first word he might learn will be ‘Basanti’, which will be the name of the maid.

10. One day, while buying Cabbage at Big Bazaar, you will pick up one in your hand and wonder what the difference between both of you is.

p.s. Don’t take the post seriously. It’s a funny take on what I see people around me going through.

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016.
Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping.
He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

23 Comments

  1. Lovey Thakral November 16, 2011 at 3:58 pm - Reply

    Horrible πŸ™‚
    Thank god… my spouse is not software engineer.

    • Amit November 17, 2011 at 8:31 am - Reply

      But you are and that is half as bad. πŸ˜›

  2. Su November 16, 2011 at 4:34 pm - Reply

    Points noted. Conclusion? here goes…
    Staying a bachelor would be far better than that.
    u could *try* one night(/day) stands,
    try new lovers when old love fizzles out,
    have office spouses
    have one lover per country u visit
    etc… πŸ˜›

    • Amit November 17, 2011 at 8:33 am - Reply

      Haha! That is way off the mark. πŸ™‚
      Alternatively, you can pick up a spouse in an alternate profession.

  3. Vikas November 16, 2011 at 10:28 pm - Reply

    sharma ji halaat itne bhi bure nahi hai πŸ™‚

    • Amit November 17, 2011 at 8:34 am - Reply

      Sir, ye sab real life incidents hain. Bas thoda masala laga diya hai. πŸ™‚

  4. Atipriya November 17, 2011 at 12:05 am - Reply

    hmmmm πŸ˜€

    • Amit November 17, 2011 at 8:35 am - Reply

      This post is dedicated to you. Almost. πŸ˜›

  5. Smitha November 17, 2011 at 1:23 am - Reply

    LOL! Been there, done that πŸ™‚

    We used to joke that my unborn baby would know all the secrets of the trade, given the time I used to spend at work at that time πŸ™‚

    • Amit November 17, 2011 at 8:36 am - Reply

      I know a few people who are going through this and I feel its terrible. A waste of your life. But then sometimes you have very few options. πŸ™‚

  6. Ashwathy November 17, 2011 at 12:25 pm - Reply

    ROFL!!! It’s good to see you back πŸ˜€
    How are you doing dude?

    Thankfully neither me nor my husband are in IT. However one of us (namely me :P) works with the Management consulting industry which closely resemblances what you have said – any project management industry will have its share of similarities. And I keep hearing such jokes from colleagues – the babies being born will already know about project delivery etc.
    Not a good industry for work-life balance definitely!! 😐

    • Amit November 18, 2011 at 11:11 am - Reply

      Hey Ash! I am good. How are you? You guys are fortunate. Sometimes people end up in horrible situations here. I have heard so many horror stories that I too picked up a wife from another profession. πŸ™‚

      • Ashwathy November 21, 2011 at 4:35 pm

        So how are things with you?? Hope you are doing ok (work-wise). Howz married life? πŸ™‚
        Hope u come back to blogging full-time now!

      • Amit November 21, 2011 at 10:30 pm

        Things are great. I am having a great time. Work is hectic, especially the travelling but I am working on it. πŸ™‚ I might come full time. Yeah. Who knows? πŸ™‚

  7. Bubblegum December 27, 2011 at 6:13 pm - Reply

    LOL^n(n=I couldnt count!!)

  8. moukound January 1, 2012 at 7:19 pm - Reply

    Duude, one of the most realistic posts I’ve read in a Lang time.this goes up on my Facebook wall πŸ˜€

  9. Amit January 25, 2012 at 10:34 am - Reply

    Thanks Bubblegum and Moukound. πŸ™‚

  10. Reema February 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm - Reply

    Thankfully one of us in not in IT..i.e. me πŸ™‚ But its quite true..seeing my BIL and co-sister. But tell me, how will one find time to go to Big Bazaar? πŸ˜›

    • Amit February 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm - Reply

      Yeah, same for me and Polly. Thankfully she is a teacher so we do see each other everyday. πŸ™‚
      When you will realize that there is nothing to eat and you are starving, then you have to go to Big Bazaar. πŸ™‚

  11. scorpria March 9, 2012 at 4:43 pm - Reply

    LOL…so true. So very true!

    The baby-not-recognizing-the-father — happened to my cousin. He’s not in IT btw; neither is his wife πŸ˜€ He’s always on travel though…and a couple of times, when he came back and tried to pick up the lil one, she fled to the mother! He then showed her pics of him carrying her on phone, called her Ghajini, and had a tough time making up for all the lost time and bonding πŸ˜€

    I think we should all get back to mundane 9-5 Govt. jobs. Soooooo much better to ‘live a life’ that way. Seriously!

    • Amit March 9, 2012 at 5:44 pm - Reply

      Haha! It must have been a sight! πŸ™‚
      Yes, sometimes I feel really bad that we are wasting away our only life. Money cannot make up for the lost time. πŸ™‚

  12. Wanderer June 27, 2012 at 5:45 pm - Reply

    You realize that you are encouraging many to quit. Now, don’t you?

    • Amit June 28, 2012 at 12:49 pm - Reply

      They will definitely thank me later. πŸ™‚

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