Read part one of the series here – Costa Chatter – Sita and Draupadi

As Draupadi and Sita chatted in Costa sipping hot Cappuccinos, Yudhishthir finally reached heaven after scaling the mighty Himalayas. He was aghast to see Duryodhan in heaven and fought with Indra over the decision. Indra pacified him stating that Duryodhan had spent a designated time in hell but he was too great a scholar and a king to be kept there forever.

A sulking Yudhishthir ambled into Barista and stood transfixed as he came face to face with Lord Ram. His initial shock gave way to immense joy as he touched Ram’s feet who was completely immersed in ‘The Times of Heaven’ with a hot chocolate drink in his hand and a spinach and corn sandwich in his mouth.

‘Webbcobe Yubhibhtbir. I bbas bxpecbing yo,’ Lord Ram said chewing his sandwich.

‘It is an honor my lord to finally meet you.’

‘The pleasure is mine. Come sit. Where are the rest of your brothers and Draupadi?’ Lord Ram asked after gulping some hot chocolate.

‘I am not sure about Draupadi. She must be nearby. My brothers are at the Walmart store. It is almost as big as our palace on Earth. When will I have the honor to meet Sita ji?’ Yudhishthir asked as he sat next to Lord Ram.

A pained look passed over Ram’s face.

‘I don’t know where she is. She is in one of her depressing moods today. Not a single day passes when I am not reminded…’

‘Oye Ram! Here you are! I have broken my feet searching for you. This market is by God too much for my poor feet,’ Surupnakha said as she entered Barista.

Yudhishthir was flabbergasted. This demon sister of Ravan was supposed to be in hell. Why were Rakshas allowed to roam in heaven? Surupnakha glanced at Yudhishthir and her eyes went wild.

‘Oye you too are here? When did you come? Hello ji, myself Dolly,’ Surupnakha said extending her nails towards Yudhishthir’s eyes.

‘You are not Dolly, Surupnakha,’ Ram said, sighing loudly and rubbing his forehead.

‘Dolly?’ Yudhishthir’s head was spinning.

‘Aho! Dolly!’ Surupnakha said smiling and showed her long teeth.

‘I have requested Brahma numerous times not to go into the future but he doesn’t listen and creates a new wave of craziness in heaven every time he returns. Surupnakha, apparently, will be reborn as Dolly Bindra* in the future. Brahma went bonkers evading her for months as she pestered him to show Big Boss 4 on the giant screen here on which we saw Mahabharata. Ever since Big Boss was telecasted, she has changed her name to Dolly,’ Ram told Yudhishthir moving his head in exasperation. Dolly beamed. Yudhishthir could not make head or tail out of what the Lord said.

‘Why were you searching for me?’ Lord Ram asked Surupnakha.

‘Ravan asked me to give this Yo-China menu pamphlet to you. He says you should try the Chowmein. It is aphrodisiacal.’

‘Go away Surupnakha before I get angry. I have had enough of your brothers and you on Earth. I will not take this mockery anymore. Why am I even asked to share heaven with demons like you?’ Lord Ram said as his face turned red with anger.

‘Wah Wah Ram ji! You are fine sitting with this Yudhishthir? Hain ji? This guy sat like a newly wed bride waiting for her husband when Dushasan was pulling the sari off his wife making her go round and round like a spinning wheel. And you, what did you do yourself? Made your wife walk on fire! Abandoned your pregnant wife in the jungle! Hain ji? And hesitated to take her back when you met her years later when you sons had grown up? Hesitated! Hain ji? Baat karte hain!’ Surupnakha said as she banged the Yo-China menu on the table.

‘Dolly ji,’ Yudhishthir tried to intervene.

‘Oye quiet! All of us have demons inside us Ram. Demons of anger and insults, demons of guilt, demons of irresponsibility and demons of shame. I can change my appearance and look beautiful but that will not change my heart and my actions,’ Surupnakha said looking at both the men.

She then walked towards the door. Yudhishthir though he was going to faint. He gasped when Dolly suddenly turned around at the door.

‘And one more thing. Sita is sitting with Draupadi in Costa. Wait and watch. Both of you are going to get it. {Snapping fingers} Tote Ud jaenge (Your parrots will fly),’ Dolly said as she banged the door.

Ram and Yudhishthir sat dumbfound for a while. Then they gave each other an amusing smile.

‘I hope the humans turn out as intelligent as Surupnakha,’ Lord Ram said.

‘Yes, that was the whole idea. But will they be able to extract the right morals from our stories? You have seen the future. Did they learn anything from our mistakes?’ Yudhishthir asked. Ram gave him a sad look.

‘Extracting and implementing right morals are two ends of a river. You have to make a bridge across it. Unfortunately, humans are only imperfectly capable of it. The bridge keeps falling. So no, it didn’t work. But let me buy you a Latte. That always works,’ Ram said as he ordered a Latte for Yudhishthir.

As Yudhishthir sipped his Latte with relish, he saw Sita and Draupadi pass Barista, chatting like long lost sisters. He wanted Draupadi to come and meet Lord Ram but then he let go of the idea for the time being. He did not want his Latte to turn bitterer than it already was.

‘Did she win Big Boss 4?’ Yudhishthir thoughtfully asked Lord Ram.

‘God No! For all the melodrama she created to screen the programme in heaven, Brahma made sure that she didn’t.’

*Dolly Bindra is an actress who has done numerous supporting roles in Bollywood movies and television soaps. Her shot to fame was when she appeared as a wild card entry in Big Boss 4. The TRP shot through the roof after her entry as it was marked with shouting and fighting in the house on a gigantic proportion. See samples here and here.

Last part of the series  – Starbucks Snivel – Ravan and Duryodhan

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016.
Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping.
He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

90 Comments

  1. My Era November 7, 2012 at 10:21 pm - Reply

    Am loving this mytho-mocha series and trust me in no time your e-mail will overflow with sponsorship offers for your third part 😉
    Superb casting of Shurpnakha as Dolly Bindra. Though I feel it was very wrong of Laxman to have attacked her (Shurpnakha) with a sword just for the crime of making a passe.

    • My Era November 7, 2012 at 11:13 pm - Reply

      I meant a *pass* at a married man

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 9:32 am - Reply

      Thanks My Era. 🙂
      Sponsorship offers? Now that is wishful thinking. 🙂
      I agree. No matter to what extend she would have gone to seduce him, there was no need to cut her nose.

  2. dauntlessdaisy November 7, 2012 at 10:45 pm - Reply

    hahaha….ROFL…..Amit when is your book going to get published? Trust me, I will be the first one to order. You have an amazing ability to club humor with fiction (read:mythology) while sticking to the ground realities. Keep up the good writing 🙂 🙂

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 9:35 am - Reply

      Thanks dauntlessdaisy. 🙂
      My book is ready. I am writing a detailed synopsis to submit to the publishers. And I am trying to sort out a few thngs in my life before I can jump into it full-fledgedly. As usual, at this important juncture God is giving me choices to confuse me. 🙂
      My book has very less humour in it. But thanks for the support. I will at least sell one copy. 😀

      • dauntlessdaisy November 8, 2012 at 3:06 pm

        Humour, less humour or no humour, you can be sure that you are selling atleast one copy 🙂 😀

      • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:23 pm

        Thank you very much. 🙂

      • Bhavia November 8, 2012 at 3:42 pm

        a book? did I hear right? when? when? I’m pre ordering it 🙂

      • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:25 pm

        Yes, you heard right. A week back, I had straight, simple answers to all those questions. But, I am standing at a fork right now. So, the answer to ‘when’ is very complicated. I might be able to sort it out soon. 🙂
        Thanks Bhavia. 🙂

  3. glimpsesandglances November 7, 2012 at 10:50 pm - Reply

    OMG,Dolly as Surpankha had me caught in fit of non stop laughter with that “Hain ji”. You sure have a way with sarcasm and humour, I am loving this series,keep going 🙂 Sharing it 🙂

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 9:36 am - Reply

      You liked it? Hain ji? 😛
      Thanks glimpsesandglances. 🙂

  4. perspectivesandprejudices November 7, 2012 at 10:58 pm - Reply

    As hilarious as it is, it gives so much food for thought.
    “All of us have demons inside us Ram. Demons of anger and insults, demons of guilt, demons of irresponsibility and demons of shame. I can change my appearance and look beautiful but that will not change my heart and my actions”- loved that line.

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 9:38 am - Reply

      Thanks perspectivesandprejudices. 🙂 I have tried my best to sprinkle my gyan in the post. 🙂

  5. Akanksha Dureja November 7, 2012 at 11:14 pm - Reply

    Now this is what you call epic! I am already waiting for part −3! You steal my chart away with posts like this one!

    Sita and Draupadi have a hell lot to talk! 😉

    • Akanksha Dureja November 7, 2012 at 11:15 pm - Reply

      *heart, not chart 😛

      • Amit November 8, 2012 at 9:40 am

        Thanks for clarifying. I was trying to recall the color of the chart I have stolen. 😛

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 9:39 am - Reply

      Thanks Akanksha. Yes, yes. More to come! 🙂

  6. Indian Homemaker November 7, 2012 at 11:20 pm - Reply

    The reputation of Chowmein as an aphrodisiac has reached till there 🙂

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 9:40 am - Reply

      Oh yes! You will understand how that happened in part 3. 🙂

  7. Latha November 7, 2012 at 11:42 pm - Reply

    That pic of that lady is perfect for Surpanaka. 😛 I am seeing her for the first time, now, don’t ask me, latha, which world are you living in? I don’t watch TV and never watched Big Boss, even a single episode 🙂 But heard about it. Oyee.. btw, people made my name Latte 🙁

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 9:45 am - Reply

      Ok. You really really have to view the videos in the links I have provided in the end. You will love it.
      Haha! latte is a good name. 🙂

      • Latha November 9, 2012 at 4:40 am

        Oh god. No way Amit. I have seen 2 mins and it drove me insane. Those reality shows are disgusting. Everyone’s face looks as if their only purpose is to humiliate the others..let me be like this..ignorance is bliss 🙂

      • Amit November 9, 2012 at 8:55 am

        Believe me, if I give someone 1 crore to humiliate others and project himself as the best person on Earth, almost everyone will jump at the job. 🙂
        It’s Ok. Even I am not a Big Boss fan. I watch it on and off. 🙂

  8. scribblehappy November 8, 2012 at 10:06 am - Reply

    You know, I was only vaguely familiar with the name of Dolly Bindra and wasn’t sure about her claim to fame. I actually hardly ever watch TV. Your links at the end of the post were…well, quite enlightening! Shoorpanakha might be turning in her grave at being likened to Dolly Bindra 😉

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:29 pm - Reply

      They are enlightening, aren’t they? They leave you in a state of shock. Geet and I saw the whole season over a cup of tea and a box of Pringles in the evening. We were in Manchester back then and used to watch the previous day’s episode on Youtube in the evening after I came back from the office. We were scandalized.

  9. ashreyamom November 8, 2012 at 11:07 am - Reply

    “‘Oye quiet! All of us have demons inside us Ram. Demons of anger and insults, demons of guilt, demons of irresponsibility and demons of shame. I can change my appearance and look beautiful but that will not change my heart and my actions,” loved this sentance yes this is something which i also didnt learn until i read here in this post..
    nice meaning derived..

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:30 pm - Reply

      Thanks Ashreyamom. And to think of it, it was a last minute addition. 🙂

  10. The Girl Next Door November 8, 2012 at 11:10 am - Reply

    Loved it!! Dolly as Surpanakha? Now, that is genius. I nearly died with laughter at her ‘Hain Ji?’ and ‘Tote ud jayenge!’.:D

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:32 pm - Reply

      Thanks TGND. 😀 I would have loved to write the dialogues in Hindi and Punjabi. That would have been super fun. “Oye Ram! Tu Etthe hai?” 🙂 and then “Chup Oye Yudhishthir!”

      • Sreetama November 9, 2012 at 5:24 pm

        This would’ve been superb!!! 😀

  11. Ashwathy November 8, 2012 at 11:38 am - Reply

    ‘Times of Heaven’!!! 😆 Hahahah… I love the minute details you get into. Spinach and corn sandwich eh?? Thank goodness it was a vegetarian choice! 🙄 😛

    OMG!!! Dolly Bindra and Surpanakha!! What a twist sirjee!! And that too you got a Yo China placement with chowmein right in the middle!

    “Tote udd jayenge”!!! I actually imagined her saying that.. oh my stars….hahaha…where is the damn yahoo rolling-on-floor-laughing emoticon when you need it!!! :mrgreen:

    He did not want his Latte to turn bitterer than it already was.
    Subtle yet profound.

    Please take a bow! 🙂 *applause*

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:33 pm - Reply

      I was very careful not to put a chicken sandwich in-between. That would have been blasphemy. 😉
      I imagined the whole sequence with Dolly saying all the dialogues in Hindi and then translated it. That was great fun. 🙂
      Thank you! Thank you for the applause. 🙂

  12. surindernath November 8, 2012 at 11:39 am - Reply

    At last I have found a serious humourist who is seriously funny ! Congrats. !! :- D

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:35 pm - Reply

      Welcome here Surindernath.
      I am glad that you liked the post. 🙂

  13. metherebel November 8, 2012 at 11:49 am - Reply

    Reblogged this on The Rebel.

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:35 pm - Reply

      Thanks Metherebel. 🙂

  14. N November 8, 2012 at 11:51 am - Reply

    Oh My God… That fat lady is raving. Seriously, is this is what Big Boss all about? Its funny that you made her the voice of reason.

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:38 pm - Reply

      Oh, they fight every season but that season was the mother of all. Making her the voice of reason was a deliberate twist. I actually wanted a demon to be the voice of reason.

  15. seena November 8, 2012 at 11:56 am - Reply

    Your Coffee chats rock !!! And hats off to the gyaan by Shri Shri Amit.
    I never watched Big Boss, but once on channel surfing, I had to stop at Colours to answer a call. The episode of Dolly Bindra fight was running and my mother who watched it for 5 mins said ” Oh why is that lady behaving like Thadaka ” And now you call her Surpanakha 🙂

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:41 pm - Reply

      Thanks Seena. 🙂 My blessings to you! 😛
      You must watch the links I have given in the end. They are very enlightening.
      I gather that Thadaka is Demon?

      • seena November 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

        Enlightening indeed 🙂
        Yes Tadaka is the first demon Rama killed. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tataka
        And from the link I just came to know that she is Ravana’s granny as well 🙂
        and doing Google search to give the link, I got this too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dowdpw-h4YY
        So its not just my mom who thinks she acts like Tadaka 🙂

      • Amit November 10, 2012 at 1:20 pm

        I saw the video. Aaj Tak has a very novel way of presenting things. 🙂
        I think Dolly’s purpose was to increase the TRP which she did. Rest they say is history.

  16. R's Mom November 8, 2012 at 1:04 pm - Reply

    hahahahha! oh God! you are hilarious man!

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:42 pm - Reply

      Thanks R’s Mom. 🙂

  17. metherebel November 8, 2012 at 1:41 pm - Reply

    Times of Heaven, Dolly Bindra as Surpanaka?? Wow that was yet again a masterpiece. Surpanaka definitely talks sense!

    Amit take a bow. Looking forward to your book. You do remember the promise of an autographed copy right?

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:43 pm - Reply

      Yes. She was very intelligent. It takes a demon to drill sense in Gods. 🙂
      Yes, an autographed copy will be kept aside specially for you. 🙂

      • metherebel November 8, 2012 at 6:48 pm

        Yeah…Thank you Amit 🙂

  18. Jas November 8, 2012 at 1:45 pm - Reply

    Genius to draw a parallel between dolly and surupnakha… I don’t know who to feel pity for? 😀

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:44 pm - Reply

      Thanks Jas. 🙂 To answer your question – definitely Surupnakha. 🙂

  19. Bhavia November 8, 2012 at 3:47 pm - Reply

    Dolly Bindra – no clue..but her face looks very familiar..
    I’m not a big fan of TV and I have not even an episode of big boss,so no clue.But let’s forget about it and discuss about your post.
    One awesome piece..Phew!! How did you even imagine Sita and Draupadi drinking Cappuccinos? 😀 😀 😀

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:46 pm - Reply

      Bhavia, please please watch the links I have given in the end. You will have the time of your life. 😀
      I imagined a lot of things while writing this which I cannot write there. 😉 There is a censor board sitting in my head. 🙂

      • Bhavia November 9, 2012 at 12:15 pm

        I watched!!!!!!!!
        Never knew such a live comedy was going on..LOL!!
        *wearing common sense cap* how can people do this? :-0

      • Amit November 9, 2012 at 1:02 pm

        See? You had such fun! 😛
        Arree it is the same every year. Adults behave like kids and channels earn loads of money from that.

  20. theconjecturegirl November 8, 2012 at 4:34 pm - Reply

    I am pointing all those serious researchers around me who are giving me dirty looks for laughing out non-stop in lab to YOU! Not my mistake ji! 😀
    But where is gadhaadhaari Bheem?? 🙁 I can’t imagine Yudishtra not asking him to stay Shaanth.

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:49 pm - Reply

      Stop laughing before I get kidnapped by scientists for interfering in their research. 🙂
      Bheem is in Walmart. He is busy drooling over the latest home gym.

  21. Nirvana November 8, 2012 at 5:20 pm - Reply

    Hehehe!!! Just loving your rest-o-bar-o-mytho stuff!! And Dolly!! My God – that was a winner! Hainji?! 🙂 *Applause*

    • Amit November 8, 2012 at 6:50 pm - Reply

      Thanks Nirvana. 🙂 Dolly always wanted that role. She pestered me enough. 🙂

  22. nst2 November 9, 2012 at 12:47 am - Reply

    Hahaha… placement of Dolly Bindra’s pic is superbbb!! Keep up the humour.. it read like a commentary on radio :))
    Nisha

    • Amit November 9, 2012 at 8:53 am - Reply

      Thanks Nisha. 🙂
      Haha! Commentary on radio? Well, that’s a new one. 🙂

  23. Rachna Parmar November 9, 2012 at 9:41 am - Reply

    Loved the dig at Chowmein and the deeper messages about inner goodness and actions speaking louder than everything else. A small typo meet instead of met — When will I have the honor to met Sita ji? A nice post with a great balance of humor and satire. On another note, Dolly Bindra was obnoxious. I stopped watching Bigg Boss altogether after that dirt they showed.

    • Amit November 9, 2012 at 10:29 am - Reply

      Thanks Rachna. And corrected the typo. 🙂
      Yes, she was terribly obnoxious. That was one season I will never forget.

  24. inducares November 9, 2012 at 12:04 pm - Reply

    This is my first read at this series—super humor.I need to read ALL your posts.
    First Laxman did injustice to Surupnakha & now this comparison with Dolly has done the rest hain jee?I think she was a liberated woman–sorry demon–though misguided.

    • Amit November 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm - Reply

      Thanks inducares. 🙂
      I think Surupnakha might not be happy with me. But I think she was a very brave woman of India to evetease Laxman like this. 🙂

  25. Sreetama November 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm - Reply

    Oh awesome! Can I laugh louder? I loved the lines of Surparankha aka Dolly! So true & hard hitting. Even the epitome of moralities were dumbfounded. When will we see the next part? Can’t wait!

    • Amit November 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm - Reply

      Thanks Sreetama. Yes, yes, laugh to glory! 🙂
      Next part will come on Diwali night. You will understand why when you read it. 🙂

      • Sreetama November 9, 2012 at 5:09 pm

        Very well! Wish you & your family Happy & prosperous Diwali in advance! 🙂

        P.S: We had a friend in school (in kg) with the name Suparna. We used to call her Surpanakha!!! 😛 Your post reminded me of her!!! (Teary eyed)

      • Sreetama November 9, 2012 at 5:15 pm

        And I think I can guess the topic for the Diwali night story! 🙂

      • Amit November 9, 2012 at 10:15 pm

        A happy Diwali to you and your family too Sreetama! 🙂
        Haha! Poor girl. I bet she changed her name as soon as she got a chance.
        And if you have guessed the topic then Shhhhhhhhh! 🙂

  26. pixie November 10, 2012 at 11:26 am - Reply

    ooh! This is brilliant Amit!!! LOL!!
    Happy Diwali to you and your family!! 🙂

    • Amit November 10, 2012 at 1:17 pm - Reply

      Thanks Pixie!
      Happy Diwali to you and your family too! 🙂

  27. rajrupa November 10, 2012 at 2:41 pm - Reply

    I am lovvviiiing this!!

  28. harikrishna25 November 11, 2012 at 11:39 am - Reply

    Hahah.. the series is too awesome 🙂 May be you can release a series on this.. too much funny to imagine Ram, Duriyodhana, yudhishtra, sita and draupathi in walmart, coffee shops 😀 Superb…

    • Amit November 11, 2012 at 11:52 am - Reply

      Thanks Harikishna. 🙂
      I am wondering where are all the people whose sentiments I might have hurt with these posts. Our new IT rules are with them. 🙂

      • harikrishna25 November 11, 2012 at 11:58 am

        Even though it affects people initially.. They will forget it at the end laughing at the humour 🙂

      • Amit November 11, 2012 at 7:50 pm

        I hope so. 🙂

  29. Maddie November 11, 2012 at 5:54 pm - Reply

    Beware Amit…Surupankha might file a defamation suit on you from heaven for having drawn similarities between Dolly Bindra and herself. S was good enough to have earned a place in mythology! 🙂

    • Amit November 11, 2012 at 7:51 pm - Reply

      Maddie,
      I will deal with Surupnakha when I reach heaven. She can’t touch me right now. 🙂

  30. Deeps November 12, 2012 at 12:38 am - Reply

    ROFL!! Gosh, Amit..Surpanakha’s re-incarnation in Dolly Bindra was an absolutely masterstroke! You deserve a standing ovation for it 😀

    Brilliant post! Cant wait for the next part!

    • Amit November 12, 2012 at 10:48 am - Reply

      Thanks Deeps. I am very happy that you liked it. 🙂
      If I don’t choke on the smoke in Delhi tomorrow, I will be posting the next part on Diwali. 🙂

  31. Visha November 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm - Reply

    Super I say…wonderful imagination Amit…Dolly Bindra as Surpanakha..kya casting hai boss 😀

    Waiting for #3 🙂

    • Amit November 12, 2012 at 10:05 pm - Reply

      Thanks Visha, 🙂
      Next part coming soon.

  32. […] ← Barista Banter – Ram and Yudhishthir Nov 13 2012 […]

  33. Sumeetha Manikandan November 14, 2012 at 6:13 pm - Reply

    “All of us have demons inside us Ram. Demons of anger and insults, demons of guilt, demons of irresponsibility and demons of shame. I can change my appearance and look beautiful but that will not change my heart and my actions”

    Very true statement. And no one can say it better than Dolly aka surpanakha

    • Amit November 14, 2012 at 8:43 pm - Reply

      Thanks Sumeetha.

  34. Priya Sreeram (@priyasreeram) November 17, 2012 at 5:43 pm - Reply

    jai ho sirji ! this one was totally cool…. kahan se aate hain ideas aapko ????? Surp’dolly’ka was raving brilliance. off to the starbuck snivel 🙂

    • Amit November 18, 2012 at 1:21 pm - Reply

      Thanks Priya. 🙂

  35. […] Say this hypo, mean that crisy Barista Banter – Ram and Yudhishthir → Nov 4 […]

  36. Rahul Aggarwal December 11, 2012 at 11:06 am - Reply

    times of heaven, AAho, ..this is awesome man….loved it !

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