They have been entertaining us for years. You cannot imagine Bollywood without their gyrations. In this nation where an average Indian struggles for a meal, they are like a shining beacon in cold nights giving equal respite to the underprivileged and the privileged. Why would I like to chat with them, you may ask? It is to know their secret formula, to know what makes them thrust, to know what inspires them to do jiggle their assets.

It was an honor to be connected to the Seven Sexy Seducers on WeChat and talk to them. Now won’t it be best if I share with you our chat history? That will give you enough fodder as to why I was jumping with joy when I got this opportunity.

Oh! But before that, let me introduce them to you.

The Chat

Me : Hello Ladies. This is history in the making.

Mehbooba : History? Are you trying to insult me by telling me that I am old now?

Chikni Chameli : LOL

Me : No! I meant this is history in the making because all of you are here chatting together.

Mehbooba : Ah! And Chikni Chameli, show some respect. I have done more dance numbers than the number of clothes you are wearing.

Badmaash Babli : ROLF! Mehbooba, like seriously! Do you live in a cave? Chances are that Chikni Chameli is hardly wearing anything.

Ku Ku Ku : Mehboobaji, girls nowadays do not wear skin colored clothes like in your times. They aren’t hypocrites and of course they do not have any respect.

Me : Ladies! Really, this is a most interesting cat fight but can we just chat? Can all of you share your thoughts about what drove you to do all those dance numbers?

Mehbooba, Laila, Badnaam Munni, Halkat Jawani, Chikni Chameli, Badmaash Babli, Ku Ku Ku : The love of Art.

Me : Wow! 5 minutes into the chat and I have tears in my eyes. What else? You all know that the men in our country love you to bits. Movies make crores because of you. Your item numbers are the first ones to be aired to generate enough testosterone to make families come and watch the movie. So what else makes you gyrate in addition to love of art?

Laila : *blush blush*

Halkat Jawani : Why are you blushing? The last item number you did was in 1980.

Ku Ku Ku : RESPECT ladies!

Chikni Chameli : Is it because you are soon going to join their ranks? LOL!

*This was not going the way I wanted it to*

Me : Ladies, can we get back to the question?

Laila : I did it for fame too. There. I said it. We all do it for fame. We love it when men fall over each other to touch us and our bodyguards fling them in random directions. It is addictive.

Badmaash Babli : See, the basic fact is that a majority of the people are sexually starved and we capitalize on it. There is no harm in it. The whole world capitalizes on things that can be capitalized upon.

Mehbooba : I never thought about it that way. I loved dancing.

Badnaam Munni : I think the whole concept has evolved over the years. The dynamics and the stakes have changed. Heroines never did item numbers earlier. Now we do not need someone like Mehbooba. I think it started changing during the time of Laila.

Me : But the item number is not about dancing anymore, isn’t it?

Ku Ku Ku : No it is not. It is more about profits now. It is about gathering as much people as you can to recover your production costs. It is more about moving parts of your body in unimaginable ways to arouse men.

Me : And all of you know that?

Halkat Jawani : Of course we know that! Who do you think we are? Paris Hilton?

Me : Ok. Forget about all the statistics but is it exciting to know that lakhs of men lust after you? That given a chance, they will pounce on you?

Laila : Sweetheart, a man who has to pounce on you will pounce on you, irrespective of the item number. The world is abundant with pouncers. 

Me : But given the fact that an average Indian male is sexually oppressed and consider all women not related to him as objects, don’t you think that you are fanning the fires here?

Badmash Babli : Look, it is a simple demand and supply phenomenon. Stop watching movies with item numbers and Bollywood will stop making them. We are just riding on the tide.

Me : What about morality?

Halkat Jawani, Chikni Chameli : Fu*k morality.

Mehbooba : Jesus!

Badnaam Munni : LOL! Let who is without sin cast the first stone.

Chikni Chameli : Cigarettes cause cancer but we still manufacture them. Alcohol is injurious to health. Why do we manufacture guns and bombs? Why do prostitutes exist? Darling, you are talking about morality in a world that has buried it long ago.

Laila : Do you really think our society will turn Mother Teresa if item numbers are banned?

Me : I believe that they are a part of the problem. And I don’t believe morality is dead. There are people who still swear by it and are fighting for its existence. It is a matter of talking sides. It is a matter of convincing yourself that there are things more important than money. 

Chikli Chameli, Ku Ku Ku : Ha!

Me : All right ladies, lets not be so serious. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Mehbooba, tell us what you think about the new girls?

Mehbooba : Too bold for my taste. And I do not understand the concept of wiggling bosoms. I think it was Ku Ku Ku who started it and now everyone is giving the twins a roller-coaster ride.

Laila : Exactly. If we line all the ladies up against the Great Wall of China and let loose the tremors, the wall will have a gaping hole in minutes. Why is everyone doing that?

Chikni Chameli : Laila, now really! You have subjected people to enough horizontal wiggling in your songs.

Badnaam Munni : I guess people like it. And lets not talk about morality again.

Me : It is a two way road. I think a society where actresses fall over each other to do an item number says a lot about the society as well but there has to be a sense of responsibility in the industry too. Actresses are not machines on a production line that have to manufacture a product that they are designed for. It is not a simple demand and supply. We are humans with brains.

*A pause for 10 seconds*

Chikni Chameli : I think I have to drop off now. I am getting a call from my agent. It’s probably another item number. Anyways, thanks WeChat for bringing us together. It was cool.

Badnaam Munni : I guess I have to drop too. I am having a terrible headache and have to apply some balm.

Me : We will close the chat then ladies. Thank you everyone for being here and taking part in this chat. Bye everyone!

Mehbooba, Laila, Badnaam Munni, Halkat Jawani, Chikni Chameli, Badmaash Babli, Ku Ku Ku : Bye!! Hugs and kisses!!!

About the Author:

Amit Sharma is the Author of fiction novel False Ceilings published by Lifi Publications in January 2016.
Amit always keeps a book and a portable reading light in his bag (much to the amusement of his fellow travellers). His other hobbies include watching world cinema, travelling, staring at hills, digging into various cuisines, cooking, listening to music, painting, blogging, making his daughter laugh and helping his wife with her unnecessary and prolonged shopping.
He is currently working on his Second novel which is a thriller.

61 Comments

  1. Jas A. May 19, 2013 at 6:00 pm - Reply

    Interesting šŸ˜› … Loved this line
    “Laila : Sweetheart, a man who has to pounce on you will pounce on you, irrespective of the item number. The world is abundant with pouncers.”

  2. purbaray May 19, 2013 at 6:13 pm - Reply

    Bollywood will always find an excuse to titillate. First it was the gory rape scenes, then the double entendres and now this!

    • Amit May 19, 2013 at 6:46 pm - Reply

      And all we can hope for is that this too shall pass.

  3. Akanksha Dureja May 19, 2013 at 6:32 pm - Reply

    You said it all! Cat fights are interesting, as far as one is looking from a distance šŸ˜‰ Loved the post, it’s a winning entry as far as I am concerned šŸ˜‰
    Good Luck for the contest!

    • Amit May 19, 2013 at 6:47 pm - Reply

      Thankfully the chat did not turn into a full blown cat fight. šŸ™‚
      Thanks for your wishes Akanksha.

  4. BhavanaDiary May 19, 2013 at 6:35 pm - Reply

    The best part of this post is the picture šŸ™‚
    I am ignoring the main part, i.e. the item songs because as you can imagine, I am kind of frustrated to see these heroines with no acting skills but who are born talented in doing item numbers.

    • Amit May 19, 2013 at 6:49 pm - Reply

      Haha! Yeah, it took me some time to create that. šŸ™‚
      It is sad how item numbers and skin shows can skyrocket a career.

  5. chsuresh63 May 19, 2013 at 7:19 pm - Reply

    Now THAT was a chat worth having šŸ™‚ How far does satisfying a demand go, btw? šŸ™‚

    • Amit May 19, 2013 at 7:25 pm - Reply

      Thanks Suresh.
      As far as satisfying a demand goes, I think we have shattered all the boundaries. šŸ™‚

  6. alkagurha May 19, 2013 at 7:21 pm - Reply

    I am writing for the contest too. But after reading this, I am not sure.
    Great concept and intelligent writing Amit. Like seriously.
    Good luck.

    • Amit May 19, 2013 at 7:26 pm - Reply

      Thanks Alka. šŸ™‚
      Please write your post. I have set a record in all the competitions I have participated in. I never win. šŸ™‚
      I liked the concept. That’s all.

  7. pseudomonaz May 19, 2013 at 7:55 pm - Reply

    Even I was thinking to write for this contest, was thinking to participate for the first time. I’ll have to think about it again. With something like this, you are surely going to win. Good luck. This was different, and a very interesting concept.

    • Amit May 19, 2013 at 8:36 pm - Reply

      Please do participate. It is such an interesting topic that so many good posts can come out of it. šŸ™‚
      Thanks for your wishes and for liking the post.

  8. dauntlessdaisy May 19, 2013 at 8:22 pm - Reply

    Good one, but I guess I do not agree with morality and the prostitution connection.

    • Amit May 19, 2013 at 8:36 pm - Reply

      Thanks Dauntlessdaisy.
      And why not?

      • dauntlessdaisy May 20, 2013 at 3:39 pm

        I don’t understand, are you saying that people who practice prostitution are immoral or people who go to sex workers have no moral?

      • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:06 am

        The act of making someone sell his/her body forcefully for money is immoral.
        This is what I meant.

      • dauntlessdaisy May 23, 2013 at 11:22 am

        ohhh that. yes it is immoral.

  9. Giribala May 19, 2013 at 9:50 pm - Reply

    Aww!! All my favorite beautiful empowered women at one place! I love them all! I love item songs if the music is catchy šŸ™‚

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:08 am - Reply

      Yeah, their contributions to Bollywood is unmatched.
      I like dance numbers if someone is not doing gymnastics in it but that rarely happens.

  10. Rachna May 19, 2013 at 10:15 pm - Reply

    Wah imagine a conversation of all bollywood sirens. Nicely written and all the best :).

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:09 am - Reply

      Thanks Rachna. šŸ™‚

  11. Rickie May 19, 2013 at 11:09 pm - Reply

    I guess it is true then. The truism “I know it’s a dirty job, but if I don’t do it someone else will” is not going to take this country anywhere anytime soon, is it?
    All the best with the contest.

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:12 am - Reply

      What really irritates me is the casual remark that we do item numbers because people like to see them. Can they be more dumb?
      Thanks for your wishes. šŸ™‚

  12. Ms May 20, 2013 at 7:53 am - Reply

    You re too kind! What really motivates these women may just be something crass – they love the “titulation”(adulation+titillation) and the money is just the icing on the cake. Can’t blame the producers’ desperation for guaranteed profits but the women should draw the line. They have to face their children at a later date or are they dumb enough to think that their kids will be fine with the world watching their mother thrust and jiggle? I don’t mention husbands and fathers and brothers since bollywood is full of male relatives exploiting the profitable female commodities in the family. With new rape cases every day, sometimes the victims are younger than 9 years, our media must shoulder their responsibilities. “The pouncers will always pounce” if we provide the “pouncee”.

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:18 am - Reply

      Also, remember the fact that most of these women have no idea how being sexually harassed feels like. They live a cocooned life just like our politicians and have no idea about the reality.

  13. indu chhibber May 20, 2013 at 9:16 am - Reply

    That was a very brainy take on the topic,good luck to you.

    These girls think they are being very smart-cashing upon the public’s weakness but i feel they allow themselves to be exploited-is it smart?

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:20 am - Reply

      Indu,
      They are not getting exploited. Far from it. Most of these girls are top actresses who do item numbers only to stay on top.

  14. Destiny's child May 20, 2013 at 10:42 am - Reply

    A winner through and through. All the best for the contest! šŸ™‚

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:21 am - Reply

      Thanks. Destiny’s Child. šŸ™‚

  15. Rahul May 20, 2013 at 1:22 pm - Reply

    That was quite a rib tickler:) Best wishes for the contest Amit!!

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:21 am - Reply

      Thank you Rahul. šŸ™‚

  16. crazyambivert May 20, 2013 at 1:38 pm - Reply

    Kudos to your imagination ! šŸ™‚ Good luck Amit !This one has to win something !

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:23 am - Reply

      Thanks Crazyambivert. šŸ™‚
      Haha! I have never won a competition. šŸ™‚

  17. The Sitting Bull May 20, 2013 at 2:46 pm - Reply

    Good luck with the contest Amit!
    I loved the write up…..amazing timing!

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:24 am - Reply

      Thank you Sitting Bull. šŸ™‚

  18. metherebel May 20, 2013 at 5:48 pm - Reply

    It is an amazing feat to get all the lovely item girls under one platform and you did play the role of the host well. But Mallika aka Jalebi bai wouldn’t be too happy that you didn’t invite her. So what if she is busy in Cannes…she still would taken time to give her valuable feedback šŸ™‚

    All the best for the contest šŸ™‚

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:26 am - Reply

      I have left out a lot of them. There are too many of them to bring them in a single chat. šŸ™‚
      Thanks for your wishes. šŸ™‚

  19. Bhavia May 20, 2013 at 6:06 pm - Reply

    Too many hugs and kisses in the end *faints*
    All the Best ji šŸ™‚
    Please give a cut from the prize money to the lovely ladies šŸ˜›

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:27 am - Reply

      You really think they would care a fig about a cut from the prize? šŸ˜›

  20. umashankar May 20, 2013 at 9:21 pm - Reply

    That is what I call Nirvana! You are inimitable in the art.

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:30 am - Reply

      Thanks Uma. Yes, it was a cautiously achieved nirvana taking into account the number of times we averted catfights.

  21. Dagny May 21, 2013 at 1:24 pm - Reply

    A little more ‘free for all’ wouldn’t have hurt at all. šŸ˜€ This was innovative indeed.

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:31 am - Reply

      Thanks Dagny. šŸ™‚

  22. Nisha May 21, 2013 at 2:58 pm - Reply

    Ku ku ku…. hahahahaha!! Awesome!!
    Although I’m surprised that Chikni Chameli can give so many inputs šŸ™‚
    Goodluck!

    • Amit May 22, 2013 at 9:38 am - Reply

      I am surprised that they gave any inputs at all.
      Thanks Nisha. šŸ™‚

  23. ddeepa May 22, 2013 at 7:03 pm - Reply

    You nailed it with ‘Darling, you are talking about morality in a world that has buried it long ago.’ – A pretty serious take and a sorry state of affairs. BTW, are you on Indiblogger? If you are, would you add me please? I cannot find you!!!

    • Amit May 27, 2013 at 8:45 pm - Reply

      Thanks Deepa. Yes, we are in a very complex hypocritical mess.
      Yes, I am and you are already in my list. šŸ˜

      • ddeepa May 29, 2013 at 7:11 pm

        Oh sigh, Then I guess you don’t post on Indivine? Because I don’t see your posts when I go through Posts from my network!

      • Amit June 1, 2013 at 1:38 pm

        Yes, I rarely post in Indivine basically because of laziness. I shall start doing it. šŸ™‚

  24. latha May 23, 2013 at 1:22 am - Reply

    After few lines, I forgot who is who? seriously….aren’t all of them the same..if a conversation really happens, they will blast each other…lol..Good luck for the contest, Amit.

    • Amit May 27, 2013 at 8:46 pm - Reply

      Haha! It seems you are not that big a fan if you cannot differentiate between the girls. šŸ™‚
      Thanks for your wishes Latha.

  25. Jas May 23, 2013 at 5:37 pm - Reply

    Good one Amit šŸ™‚ cat fight at its best and bollywood taking the cake as always šŸ™‚ Good luck.

  26. Rahul Aggarwal May 28, 2013 at 8:04 pm - Reply

    even Paris Hilton has now decided to give up her glamorous life and focus more on her business šŸ˜›

    • Amit June 1, 2013 at 1:39 pm - Reply

      Yes, Imagine that! šŸ™‚

  27. afshan18 May 29, 2013 at 10:54 am - Reply

    LOL !
    I loved reading this. I have a similar post coming up – A conversation with Khans. Loved this idea

    • Amit June 1, 2013 at 1:39 pm - Reply

      Thanks Afshan. šŸ™‚

  28. shail July 18, 2013 at 11:51 am - Reply

    Congrats! This is hilarious.

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